"Does Your Husband Help on the Farm?"

[Charlize]

  A week ago i was at one of the first farm markets of the year.  It was held at a local Tractor Supply store and there wasn't much activity.  As usual i took our 52 Chevy flatbed truck and used it as a platform for the sale of our maple syrup.  The folks next to me were selling hay and straw.  they were a lovely older couple and as it was a slow day we talked a lot.  At one point near the end of the day the wife asked if my "husband helped on the farm".  I've been asked similar questions over the years.  At one point it seemed hugely supportive and i was overjoyed at passing.  Now i find it simply awkward.  Do i lie?  Do i out myself as a lesbian? A trans person?  In this case i spoke about my partner when asked the question.  That was simply a side step which seems to work.  It is awkward being a married trans person and i hate climbing back into the closet even if passing has always seemed so important. 

   In this situation i was speaking to older conservative farmers.  In other situations perhaps i would have had a different response.  As a side note a bit later i did let the word wife slip out by accident.  Did they notice?  I'll never know.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[DenimAndLace]

Yep.

Similarly, how do you respond when someone asks how long you've been married?  If they perceive me as female and we say 25 years, the gears start spinning because same sex marriage has only been legal for a short time. I usually say we've been together for 26 years taking that extra year of "togetherness" that heterosexuals cannot claim haha.

[Jani]

When I speak of things I've done in the past with people I don't know I refer to my old self (by name) as assisting me or in a few cases as my husband who's passed on.  In a way he did assist me and he has passed on.  

 

Jani

[tracy_j]

I must admit I have never been asked that directly, but often in conversation I talk about the kids without reference to gender. I just avoid anything that I would have to lie to. Usually, I think, people do realise and there are seldom points of embarrassment.

 

If I were asked, I suppose I may not have too many issues as my wife is more of a partner (and is legally so). She is in many ways, more male than I am.

 

Tracy

[MarcieMarie12]

I like the word spouse, that way they can fill in the blanks as they wish.....but I have mentioned my girlfriend a couple times at my new place of work. However, I am in a pretty liberal area.

[BrandiBri]

Just like Tracy, I have not been asked, but I do talk about my kids. I just leave it up to people to assume what they will about my married life.

I'm not really sure how I would respond if asked directly; I have to give that serious thought, hmm.....

 

Brandi

[MarcieMarie12]

I usually go with my ex when referring to my ex-wife. Not many pry further, and I would guess that many just assume husband. At least until I mention my girlfriend.

[Lizzie McTrucker]

On 5/27/2018 at 11:57 AM, Jani said:

When I speak of things I've done in the past with people I don't know I refer to my old self (by name) as assisting me or in a few cases as my husband who's passed on.  In a way he did assist me and he has passed on.  

 

I've done this! If I'm getting creepy vibes from a guy, when he asks if I'm married or have a boyfriend, I flash my (fake) engagement ring, and then my "boyfriend" is my old self and what I used to do before truck driving. I can talk about him for hours! Yeah, he works in retail management, he's about my height, maybe a little taller, and he used to be an adult leader in the Boy Scouts! ?

[Jani]

You got it!  The best part is I know the narrative really well.  No stumbles.

 

Jani