How to deal with depression

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

So I have been feeling down.  My grandparents who I thought were supportive of me sent me a very hurtful email.  I have researched and heard of individuals not supporting the Trans individual and even heard stories.  But no amount of research and hearing stories can prepare you for when it happens to you.  Then when it does happen to you from a family member it hurts even more.  How do you cope with the hurt.  

 

I can see why suicide is very high in the Trans community with transitioning.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[Guest Rachel Gia]

I am sorry that your grandparents would do that or think it helpful.

Dealing with depression is hard in some ways but I have learned that there are things I can do to lessen it and one is to talk about it or write about it.

If you are at all artistic , processing your emotions through your art can be very helpful and that has been what I have done in the past.

Today's cyber highway can be a little unfeeling in some ways as people say or write things that they would never say out lou to someone.I have just gone through a recent loss of a trans friend (last week) by their own hand so what you say is very real to me.

Reading about things can help as well and also becoming involved with a community ican help make us bullet proof spiritually if only for a week or a day but sometimes that is all it takes.

Much Love!

Rachel

Vancouver BC

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Raven1981]

Thank You Rachel.  I have been keeping a journal and writing down my feelings in it.  The journal helps out so much.  Then I have my adopted sister as I call her, we grew up together and have been friends since pre-school and still friends so were actually family.  But I love what she sent me and I saved it.  Every time I am feeling down, I just take a look at it and it makes me smile at least.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[Carolyn Marie]

Depression is serious business, and I'm glad you're talking with us about how you feel, Amy.  Yes, rejection by family members is very hurtful, very painful, and all-too-common.  Sometimes it just takes time for others to come to terms with what is happening with their transitioning relative or family member.  Older people often have a hard time understanding and coping with the changes in someone they have known for so long.

 

That said, it doesn't excuse cruelty or lack of empathy.  If you feel the need to respond, I would just express to them how much what they said hurt you, and how much you really need their love and support.  Let them know that if there is something they don't understand, you are willing to explain it, or provide information that might help them understand.  There are tons of online resources for family members.

 

In the meantime, if you don't have anyone IRL you can confide in, you can talk to folks in Chat and continue talking with us in the forums.   Rachel's suggestions are very good.  I used poetry to express my own feelings about transition and all that goes with it.  I think those poems are still here somewhere.

 

I hope you can get through this all right.  Please try to take your mind off your hurt by doing some things you love to do, like go to a favorite place or listen to some favorite music. 

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

Coming out and beginning transition can be highly stressful even if we have great support and acceptance.  Stress is the "seed" of depression, even good happy stress because once the wonderful is over, it will become ordinary and Ho hum life when it is past.  The gives us a let down as we adjust to a new "ordinary" which, while better than before, is still an ordinary and not the high we were going through.  Non-acceptance or even low acceptance is like a rock thrown through a beautiful picture we have just painted and makes the stress vibrate in a way that dampens out the beautiful sounds of our acceptance and sends us into a sinking pit.  @Carolyn Marie suggested the use of Chat as well as just here, and I would encourage use of your therapist, even with  your HRT and possible other actions ahead in the works, they will be able to help you with the depression brought on by your rejection since they started doing this type of thing long before they had their first gender client.  I have even had to go back to a therapist 4 years after my GCS and have to fight it even today from time to time, but there are tools to help. 

 

Writing may be one of the tools.  Other forms of art are good too.  One friend does art via computer and creates pictures or dancing forms, to music that way.  Another friend uses mixed media, and another was over a few days ago raiding my wood scrap box for pieces left over from own carpentry work that I do,  These are things to take our minds away from our hurt, and put us in control of our moments which non acceptance takes away from us,  they also take our minds off worry or over-stimulation.  You and I talk on another media, and you can do that as well with me.

[Raven1981]

Thank You Carolyn.  I am trying to keep my mind off of it.  I am just trying to give them some time and not say anything to them or mention anything.

 

I am thinking on the positive and when I am feeling down, I have saved what my adopted sister as I call her since we grew up together an awesome text that I love to read.  Then my dad and stepmom sent me a gift card and on the envelope, they addressed it to my name now.  I have saved the envelope in my journal.  Then I am looking forward to the Sephora's Bold and Beauty Transgender Free makeup class on Sunday June 10 that I signed up for.  I go see my therapist on Wednesday to also talk about me being down as well.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[DenimAndLace]

I cried ...a LOT!  I'm sure I was depressed at times but I allowed myself to fully feel the feelings of betrayal and rejection along with the myriad of other emotions I experienced.  There were countless random occasions where I just started crying for the weight of the rejection I was under.   Feeling sad and even depressed is not necessarily to be avoided at all cost.  Sometimes, if the depression is caused by a situation that will pass or by one that you can safely work through, it's not all bad to allow yourself to experience the pain. I don't know if that describes you or if you have medical depression which may require a different approach but that's how it was for me.

 

As for your specific situation, people who respond the way your grandparents did are attempting to control you and make you conform to their worldview.  Whether they are doing it with malice or good intentions only you can decide but neither are very loving. It ignores the individuality and needs of the person being judged and is not loving.  You can choose to forgive them (recommend for first offense if you are able) or ignore them and distance yourself from them if you have to, but try to make that your last resort.  Whatever you decide, please don't feel bad about looking out for yourself.  With time, these situations will be less frequent and you'll know what to expect and how to deal with each person in your circle.

[Kirsten]

I’m not really sure if I’d say it’s dealing with depression, but for me I have gone into this transition expecting to loose everyone. That hasn’t happened, but when it has I was prepared before hand for the bad news. 

Other than that I use exercise. Exercise releases endorphins in your body and it makes you feel better. Although the hurt is still in your brain, you do actually feel somewhat happier. For me at least I can cope better. Plus the physical activity is a great way to get the anger out. And it’s healthy too! 

As far as your grandparents, I am sorry you have to go through that. It is always hardest to deal with rejection from close family. But the pain will pass. 

Remeber to always treat yourself well. You deserve it! 

Kirsten 

[Rachael]

I am saddened to hear that your grandparents sent you a hurtful e mail. It’s difficult to hear when someone does not support you.

I try to keep my mind occupied and not to think about things that make me feel bad. I can tell you from personal experience that is easier said than done. But you cannot let the fear, sadness consume you. 

Like Kirsten I expected to loose most of the people I knew. So far ( fingers crossed) only my mother in law dose not support me in fact she won’t speak to me anymore and on a chance meeting in public at a restaurant she was seated next to me and would not even look my way even when my sister in law (seated with her) spoke to me. It hurts but I have to accept that things are different, it may be to help me later in transition ???

Advice? Suggestions, talk to people think good thoughts. Keep your eye on the prize. Your well being. 

Feel better soon.?

[Elyssia]

Having people not support you is so difficult, ive struggled with it to from my wife. She called me awful names and uses terrible comments to hurt me. I wish i had some amazing advice to help you, just know that you aren't the only one. 

[Roche11e1]

Heres my 2 cents FWIW

 

i try to think of 3 good things that happened to me that day and 5 things that I am thankful for.  It helps me change my focus 

[Raven1981]

Thank you Rochelle.  I am just trying to move on with my life and figured if my grandparents want to miss out on getting to know a happy individual and everything like how they missed out on 10 years of my growing up life already, then it is on them.  I am happy for who I am and I am enjoying being Amy.  As long as I am happy then I am happy and will just move on.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[Jani]

7 hours ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

I am happy for who I am and I am enjoying being Amy.  As long as I am happy then I am happy and will just move on.

That's the spirit!  It's their loss.

 

Jani