Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Kairete!


Declan

Recommended Posts

Greetings everyone! I'm Declan. I'm 27 and live in the States just some hours from the Canadian border. I've identified as non-binary to myself for maybe a year now (I have no idea) and the more I look into my identity the more confused I get. That's how I ended up here.

 

Right now I identify primarily as non-binary (agender-neutrois) and aroflux. I feel too detached from the ace community, to consider myself having a sexuality. The discomfort I have with my body and legal name (not Declan) are major features in my life. I think I want top surgery one day because it's so difficult being misgendered all the time. I also have major depression and avoidant personality disorder (pretty much just anxieties to an extreme). All of this is a lot of the cocktail that makes up who I am.

 

I'm really excited to be here! I'm super shy and have trouble joining conversations, but I really want to get to know all of you. Building connections and friendships while also learning about myself and others is my goal here.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Declan,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm happy to meet you!

 

Feel free to look around, ask questions and post. If you haven't already, you may want to consider a gender therapist. It could help with the confusion.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Welcome Declan, I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Declan,

 

Welcome :)

 

Tracy

 

Link to comment

Hi Declan, welcome to Transpulse. We are happy to answer any questions you might have. When I transitioned, there was definitely some confusion, along with suppression of my true gender identity. I could not place it on any one person saying no don't do that. More like society expecting me that I was supposed to be a certain way and not the woman that I am today. It took me a while to figure it out..

 

Hugs,

Marcie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Declan.  Please don't get too hung up on labels.  All of us here have some issues with gender and while there may be a name for our feelings acceptance,  honesty and learning how to live with those issues was the most important thing for me.

Glad you've joined us on your journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Declan. Thanks for sharing a little about yourself.  I learned some new terminology from you already, and I look forward to learning more.  Please have a look around, and post any questions or comments that you like to.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Declan.  Charlize is correct to not be concerned with labels.  They only serve to put us into boxes and that can be the source of even more confusion.  Non-binary is just fine.  Just focus on being who you are and leave the labels for others.  The journey is about you and whatever you want to make it be.  Think a lot of us are shy by nature of having to hide behind our secret.  There's no worry about that here.  Please join in the talk.  Maybe we can help you break out of the shell.  If you are not seeing a GT, you might consider it.  I was terrified to make the call but it was the best thing I could do for myself and my life.  I'm a better person now. 

 

Jani

 

 

Link to comment

Hello everyone and thank you so much for your warm welcomes and kind words!!

 

I have a regular therapist that I've been working with for several years. I talked with her about this stuff more purposefully today and she volunteered to do reading and learn more about how she can be supportive as a therapist while I deal with it. I know it's not the same as having a gender specialty, but I really like my therapist and we work well together so I'm hoping this will work out. If anyone still reads this, would you mind sharing your thoughts on using this as a process instead of switching to someone with gender as their focus/specialty in therapy?

 

I actually talked with her about labels today and we addressed why I am focused on labels. For me it's more that I don't really know who I am overall in the first place. It's not just gender and sexual/romantic orientations that I go back and forth with. I just don't have much of an idea of who I am or what that means for me. I feel kind of empty in that regard and I see labels as a way to find definitions that I interpret to fit my experience better than what other labels may have to offer. They help me figure out who I am. That said, non-binary is definitely all I plan on saying to most people if it comes up somehow. I don't want to get into the details with people I'm not super close to (outside of safe places, like here).

 

I really appreciate everything you all have said and shared with me so far. Thank you!

Link to comment

For myself, I figured out that I needed to just be myself first and not worry about the label. In trying hte other way, I quckly realized I was trying to be the label and not myself. If that makes any sense.

 

 

Link to comment

Declan, I think you are on the right path. As was said in another post (I apologize for not remembering the person that said it) a gender therapist more than likely became one because of having a transgender patient and having to research on the subject. She may become a gender therapist because you initiated a study of trans* issues. As long as you are comfortable with her I would not change.

Best wishes as you continue to find your true self.

Brandi

Link to comment

@MarcieMarie12   That does make sense. Thank you for sharing that with me!!

 

@BrandiBri   Wow, okay. I can see how that makes sense. Thank you for the education about gender therapists! I really do feel comfortable with her, so I look forward to being able to talk with her more about my gender identity and the related difficulties. Thank you for your well wishes!!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 132 Guests (See full list)

    • RaineOnYourParade
    • VickySGV
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,049
    • Most Online
      8,356

    LostAndForgotten
    Newest Member
    LostAndForgotten
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adamtoeve
      Adamtoeve
      (38 years old)
    2. Andy C.
      Andy C.
      (22 years old)
    3. Asher the Enby Goddex
      Asher the Enby Goddex
      (23 years old)
    4. camerashy
      camerashy
      (52 years old)
    5. Stacy S.
      Stacy S.
      (55 years old)
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      While I agree with a lot of the campaign personally, I don't think a government-mandated reduction in childbirth is really necessary. As a young person, I hardly know anyone who wants to be a parent in the future. I think a lot of people will either be waiting a while or not having kids at all, meaning that the number of kids being born will probably decrease. Overcrowding's also mostly an urban issue -- plenty of places in rural America have plenty of space for both people and growing food.    Of course, everyone sees things differently, so I won't necessarily say you're wrong. I just think my generation is a lot less inclined to the family mindset than some that came before us. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      To me, it sounds like a solution searching for a problem.  I believe in the Russian perspective, that oil is abiotic and likely under every part of the Earth's surface.  There's plenty.  "Peak oil" and "climate" are excuses for government control.   As for roads, we use asphalt because tar and bitumen are a byproduct of fuel production, not the other way around.  Asphalt is not a great material, really.  It can also be recycled somewhat and used again.  Notice how road crews grind down existing asphalt into powder? Concrete is a better material for roads.  But in areas like where I live, very little of our roads are paved.  Gravel is a luxury, and a lot of roads are mud.  Same in many "developing" nations.  Pavement is better for transport, but its not like we would die without it.  Lack of pavement might actually be a good thing, as people might stay home more and food might be grown locally instead of relying on transportation.  It would stop this wacky idea of growing everything in California.     I believe the big crisis we face is globalism and government control.  Proposing some scheme to control our families? That's just more of the same.  Even if folks managed to get enough votes (or rig enough elections) to get the power to do that, it won't be as VP or president of the USA in its current 50-state form.  
    • VickySGV
      The months of June has already been planned out for me with only minimal time for sleep between the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles and the various communities around me that are in the service area of the LGBTQ  Center I was on the Board of Directors of that are having Pride Events, both LGBTQ Pride and Trans Pride stand alone events.
    • Justine76
      Very cool. I've been clumsily navigating the world of makeup so this may help. Some of the tutorials on YouTube are so advanced, they may as well be speaking Klingon :P  
    • Lydia_R
      I've realized that our laptops are using much less plastic than they used to.  They are smaller devices that use less raw materials and are easier to ship and hold up better in shipping than bigger computers with removable parts.  They seem to have gotten rid of the overheating/fan problem for the most part, but there is a performance hit for that.  I use a 10yo desktop computer with a moderate level gaming video card to run 3 monitors.  I'm a producer though and most consumers have no need for that.   I really haven't watched TV since the 80's.  I spend some time researching on the internet and then I spend a lot of time meditating on the objects in my environment and on the streets.  From living on the streets for a year, I've learned that people can say anything and can control you, but the laws of physics and mathematics are outside of that and really even transcend time itself.  After people would not support my music, I built my life as a software engineer based on mathematics and engineering.  I've had a moderately successful career with that and have written code for many different industries.   The problem with stopping oil usage is that if we still need the bitumen to pave our roads and shingle our houses, then what do we do with the gas when we refine it?  There are natural deposits of bitumen, but you know, with so many people out there, demand is huge and we are using this stuff up.  If you grow corn for corn syrup, then what do you do with the cobs?  We've shipped coffee and bananas all over the world.  We took material from those environments.  What do we do now?  How long can it last?
    • Mmindy
      @Lydia_R I know you're doing the best you can, and I wish you the best.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
      I think that threats that can be proven should be incarcerated for half the sentence of the one they would commit if carried out.  Lies unfortunately are just words unless as you stated if not under oath. 
    • Ivy
      I think it depends on where and how it's happening. We also need safe places where, the perhaps more easily intimidated, can feel free to express themselves.     And what about threats of violence?  Can this lead to a place where only the violent can have this freedom?  Is it "free speech" to threaten and intimidate opposing views into silence?  I mean maybe, if I can say anything - "if you don't shut up I'll kill you."   Or spreading lies?  (perhaps about an election). Lying is okay, unless you're under oath - for what that's worth.   Censoring books in schools?  That was fine until the bible was included.  (there is some nasty stuff in there) Then, there's what used to be that free speech birdie place.  You can denigrate queer people all you want, but "cis" is a slur, and prohibited?  Free speech as long as I like it? And let's not go into court cases and gag orders. Porn?
    • Ashley0616
      I have noticed when anyone speaks against their though process they don't like it no matter what sided. Republicans are quick to defend Trump when he's not professional and treats his employees like crap. One employee didn't get paid at all and then he had the nerve to say that he would sue the worker. He already has a model as his wife and still goes after other women. Biden gets lost quicker than a 2nd Lieutenant gets lost at land navigation. Not to mention his open border policy which is flooding the country and can't even take care of the American citizens that we have now. I could go on about both sides. I personally don't get mad at anything someone says to me. I know it's not true so I'm over it before it even starts. You have to have thick skin.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      That's really cool, actually, and I don't even wear make-up :o 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      That sounds like something I would do, lol, thanks <3   A lot of my classes have a lot of smaller, busy-work types of assignments, so it really added up O~O
    • Jet McCartney
      If it makes you feel better, I had a 41 2 weeks before I graduated highschool, and ended up getting honours because my teacher was awesome and let me turn in everything I was missing in one night. I believe in you!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      For some people, diversity of thought is okay as long as you agree with them.  I have noticed this on both sides.  Yesterday I got cussed out on FB for advocating the rule of law, which I thought an innocuous thing to advocate, because the danger a certain alleged totalitarian poses to our country.  So we should throw out the law to protect the law in the view of this person.  For that I was greeted with a long stream of obscenity.  The cussing poster claims to be Republican, which is supposed to be all MAGA and right wing and all and law and order.  Strange.   I don't think I have been cussed out by someone on the left.  I have been insulted in knowledge and intelligence and worship of Trump (which is false) but not directly cussed out.  And they get bent out of shape badly if you disagree with them, typically. Come to think of it, I have been.  Disagreeing with someone apparently is the worst thing you can do to them, invalidating their identity or something.   There is REAL diversity on this forum, and for the most part we get along.  Even if I were not dealing with trans stuff, it would be attractive that way.
    • April Marie
      I was using an off the shelf product but happened to get an ad for Hims. Checked it out and found their prescription version was a little stronger so thought I'd try. It has worked very well for me.
    • Lydia_R
      I put out an ad on Indeed for a campaign manager in January.  I got 435 responses and had meetings with 2 of them every day for a month.  No one was willing to donate enough time to my campaign to jump start donations so that I could pay them a salary.  Reposting is an excellent idea.  I don't have the time for it.  I'd love it if people would just make creative clones of my website like in the old css zen garden days 20 years ago.  I have $26.50 in my bank account today and need to sell my fancy, almost mint condition, Specialized M2 bicycle for less than $200 to buy food.   Stepping into this executive level role like I have is very intense work and I've been sleeping 4 hours a night for the last two months to stay in character.  In other words, I could use some help.  I've had 3 Gen Z transwoman musicians living with me this year and all 5 of us that have lived in my house this year have significant time living in cars and the streets.  My first wife is a symphony conductor, arranger, bass trombonist and carpenter who used to do concrete work on the freeway.  I have a picture of her on a private plane with Yo-Yo Ma from almost a quarter century ago.  I'm not just some crazy street person with $26.50 in my bank account.  I've played music for Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton and I played a gig with Ray Charles in 1995.  And that is just the beginning of my story.  It's not easy to change the reproductive habits of 8 billion people.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...