Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Questioning my gender... I guess...?


Cass Kasinski

Recommended Posts

 

Hello there! Thanks for taking the time to red this!!

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum but you guys seemed so supportive, so I felt this was the right place...?

...

Anyway, as you have read: I'm questioning my gender. I'm a teenager from Argentina who's been confused for... a looooonng time. And I felt that it was about time I reached out for help and talked to you people.

So, my questions started when I realized something: I'm female, and I am attracted to men. However, I have the feeling that I'm... somehow... gay? I'm so sorry if that sounds stupid, I'm just really confused. As I said, I feel I have to be a guy to feel free to be with another guy. I want to snuggle him and hug him and kiss him- but as a boy, not as a girl.

Soon, other questions started to appear and I started feeling urges to cut my hair short -as short as boys- and wear more "masculine" clothing. What's more, I've always despised wearing the same clothes as my female friends. Tops, tanks, ripped shorts and skirts... they make me uncomfortable. Besides, I was (and still am) disgusted by my breasts and felt the need to flatten them... just as I'd like to look more masculine but not to go through surgery or testosterone. I also daydream a lot (because school bores the hell out of me) and picture myself as a boy.

Despite my feelings, I've never had any stereotipically "male" personality traits... and my friends are mostly girls. However, I do find crude humor hilarious and sometimes I can be really vulgar- though I don't show that because I'm very shy. Overall, I'd say that my personality is gender-neutral.

Appart from relationships, I feel that being a guy will finally suit my gender-neutral personality. I don't I dentify as agender or non-binary so far but I belive my personality does...? And I wouldn't mind he/him pronouns!!

However, I'm not sure if it's truly what I want or what I feel, and I have to admit that  I've always been seen as a girl -by others and by myself- and feeling "transgender" is so unusual to me that it feels weird to think of me as male when I'm used to my name and my pronouns and I look so feminine... and I'm very afraid of my classmates' reactions to me coming out as ftm transgender if it turns out I do identify as male- as they would probably feel it's weird. That can't be any worse than my parent's reactions, though: They believe I'm too young and won't let me experiment much, although they let me dress in more masculine/gender-neutral clothing- In which I FINALLY feel comfortable! I finally think something suits me! They say that I'm just confused because I'm ashamed to look like other girls- which is HIGHLY unlikely. 

...

...WOOO that took a while to write!! My fingers hurt like HELL! Ow!!

I feel lighter now that I've set it all free- and thank you so much for reading this!! I appreciate it so much! Not everyone would care about what some random stranger on the internet has to say... you're really special ;).

And btw sorry for my english... I'm just a teenager who lives in south america and I'm still studying grammar!!

Link to comment

Hi Cass, welcome to the server! And thanks for sharing.

I, and I don't think any other member here, can really tell you what you are. That feeling is hidden deep inside of yourself. But I can give some speculation. Based on how you are feeling, you may be androgynous with masculine tendencies or you may be a FtM guy. I'm glad your parents at least let you wear more gender neutral clothing and it makes you feel more comfortable. The best thing you can possibly do is find a gender therapist to talk to about your feelings. I'm not sure how healthcare works in Argentina or if you'll be able to find a supportive one in your area, but I would strongly recommend trying. 

I want to make sure that you understand there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're feeling. We all feel a bit differently and society as a whole doesn't like change, so they try to make it disappear. A lot of people will try to influence you into thinking your feelings are wrong because they are different and those same people don't understand. 

Again, thank you so much for posting. Please, continue to share with us how your feelings develop and if you're able to find a therapist and how this affects you in the future. 

❤️
Aiy

Link to comment

Also, I want to say I think your grammar is great. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. If you hadn't pointed it out, and it didn't say it on your profile, I wouldn't even have known you weren't from America. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Case and welcome.  Yes your grammar is wonderful.  No issues at all.  I agree with Aiyanna's statement.  The answer is within and only you can unlock it.  You are a teen so you have lot of time to figure all this out.  But it seems you have a grasp on who you are.  Don't be afraid to experiment and be adventurous.  Do be careful with binding your chest as you can create permanent damage to your body.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 159 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MirandaB
    • Jet McCartney
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adele Svetova
      Adele Svetova
      (25 years old)
    2. BROOKSGLASS
      BROOKSGLASS
      (34 years old)
    3. FinnyFinsterHH
      FinnyFinsterHH
      (16 years old)
    4. fool4luv
      fool4luv
      (26 years old)
    5. itsaddison
      itsaddison
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Over here muttering about "a new Jim Crow against a persecuted minority."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Rants are not a problem.  My favorite hobby! :)   What's out there is bad enough that I wonder why some people feel they need to embellish it.  Be alert.   Some of this will need to be fought in court if they try to implement it. If people are out to get me, paranoia is justified.  And this may not be the only document.   Abby
    • Ivy
      Not in so many words, therefore it's not there at all.  Excuse my paranoia. And the states passing laws against us are nothing to worry about either. Having to change my gender back to male (like in Florida) is reasonable.  I should just accept it, I mean I was born with a dk.  So that "F" is lie, and a fraud.  My delusions need to be dealt with for my own good.   I'm just frustrated these days.  Just a bit of a rant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You probably remember the Target PR fiasco.  I remember reading an account from a woman who shopped there.  She went into a stall and did her business, and someone came into the bathroom and began swinging stall doors open, and when she came to her stall, the woman peeked at her through the crack. "What are you doing?" "Checking for perverts." The writer was so stunned by the absurdity that she finished up ASAP and got out of there, while the other woman entered a stall and locked it, made sure it was locked, and locked it again. 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been a good day.Cleaned my closet of clothes that I do not wear anymore and do not fit me.It looks better now.Came down to my newest property beside mine,owner passed and I inherited it.There was a double wide there that was removed,it was in bad shape.It is the shop part I am keeping which I got the tools,shop equipment,benches,hoists and shelving too.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Nothing about eradicating TG folk. 
    • Ivy
      If 9 out of 10 parts are ok, that doesn't mean I need to accept the bad parts (that are aimed directly at me).  That seems suicidal.
    • Ivy
      True, most of it has nothing to do directly with us.  It's the parts that do that are the problem.   I see the  few problematic statements as being a big problem.  Just because a lot of it may be okay, doesn't change that. Even supposing the rest of it might be good for the country, it doesn't help me if I'm being "eradicated".  I suppose I should be good with that, because it's for the "greater good".  If me being gone would please a number of people, then it's my civic duty to disappear, and vote to implement that.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  There are already laws against assault.  I don't think the overwhelming majority of trans women have any desire to harass cis women.  Speaking for myself, if I go into a women's washroom, it's because my eyeballs are already floating - not for kicks.  And I worry about getting clocked and assaulted by some guy being a "hero."
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Only three, maybe four, sections even mention transgender.  Most is a conservative agenda I have no problem with.   In the sections that mention transgender, there are very few lines.  Those lines ARE problematic, in every case. Unequivocally.  I can't see some of them standing up in court.  In one case a recommended policy goes against a court decision, which strongly suggests the implementation of that policy would be stopped in court.    Anyone maintaining that this is written simply to support Trump, to support him becoming a dictator, to crush transgender people is feeding you a line.  Nor is it an attempt to erase transgender people.   People will have to decide if the overall goals are worth the few problematic statements.  Overall, I support it.  Of course, I have some reservations.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It is unfamiliar, therefore threatening.   For 90% or so of the population, gender id can be simply and quickly determined by a quick anatomical observation.  They have no understanding and cannot imagine what it would mean to have a body different from the id.  It is unimaginable.  Therefore, wrong.   So there is this strong headwind.   I haven't entered this discussion, but here is a script: A: I can't imagine what it must be to have TG. B: You're a man, right? A: Well, of course. "amused" B: Imagine you were required by law and custom to wear women's clothing all the time. A: It wouldn't happen. B: Okay, but for the sake of the argument... A: That would be disgusting.  I would be very uncomfortable. B: You have it.  That is what TG people go through all the time. 24-7-365. A: Really? B: And then they are told they are perverts for having those feelings.  The same you just described. A: I see. B: And someone comes along and tells you you need conversion therapy so you will be comfortable wearing women's clothing all the time. A: I think I would break his nose. B: You understand transgender folk better than you think.
    • EasyE
      I have found some people correlate TG = child predator ... just as some have correlated homosexual = child predator...    I am baffled by the TG = unsafe connection ... my wife tends to think this way, that this is all about sexual deviancy ... I try to ask how my preference for wearing frilly socks with embroidered flowers and a comfortable camisole under my lavender T-shirts is sexually deviant (or sexual anything) but I don't get very far... 
    • EasyE
      Best wishes to you as you take this step ... many blessings to you! 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Not sure.  The perp is a minor.  The problem here is NOT transgender, the problem here is incompetent and criminal administration.  See https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/family-of-loudoun-co-student-sexually-assaulted-ineptitude-of-all-involved-is-staggering/3231725/ It is more than annoying that people think the problem here is TG and that other people think the solution is some stupid statewide law.  Like an appendectomy to deal with an ingrown toe nail.    Since Loudon, I recall a boy was asked not to use the girl's restroom at a high school by one of the girls.  He, overwhelming her with height and weight,  assaulted her, claiming he had a right to be there.   Later I think eight girls beat him severely in another girl's restroom.  Again the problem is not transgender, the problem is assaults in restrooms and common courtesy.  TG is used as a smokescreen and it seems to paralyze thought among administrators who do not want to do anything to provoke controversy.
    • VickySGV
      Time to get with your Primary Care doctor and be referred to a neurologist or an orthopedist.  It could be many things, too many for any of us here to guess at. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...