Hi!

[AsTheCrow]

Hey everyone!

 

I wanted to pop in and introduce myself. My name is Jay, and I've been reading the forums for a while. I find that reading other people's experiences help me parse my own feelings more honestly.

 

I'm 35, which seems impossible because I swear I was a teenager week before last. I was assigned male at birth, and identified as gay at around 13 years old. My coming out with my blood family was awful; my coming out with my chosen family was perfect. I see my blood family once a week, and we love each other, but we do NOT discuss sexuality and gender. I think they know I will leave them and never look back if they force me to make a choice.  I came out to my chosen family as genderqueer just over two years ago. My chosen family are the best people on this Earth and I am so grateful to have them in my life.

 

In my early thirties I had long beautiful curly hair and often painted my nails, just because I liked it, not because of any gender identity stuff. My look caused me to get ma'amed in stores and restaurants fairly often, and although those people would almost always apologize and correct themselves once they got a better look at me, I never minded being misgendered. Instead, I got a rush of delight in those moments. I love being ma'amed!

 

Eventually it happened often enough that I had to start unpacking my feelings. Would a cis guy get so much delight in being mistaken for a woman? Proooobably not.

 

It took a while, but in time I realized that I'm genderqueer, or nonbinary. I asked my chosen family to start calling me Jay instead of my deadname, and asked them to use they/them pronouns for me. They immediately and happily complied like it was the most natural thing in the world. Great people.

 

Just this week I came out as nonbinary at work, in a public way. For our company's Pride Week, a little article was written about me to go in our corporate newsletter. It went out to maybe 9,000 people across the US and abroad.

 

I'm not quite sure where to go from here. I think my transition will be a slide into androgyny. I really love both menswear and womenswear, so ideally I would find a style that properly synthesizes both into one. Lately I've been wondering if a low dose of estrogen could help me transition physically.

 

My big question mark right now is what to do with my name. I love my given name, and don't really want to change it legally, but I would love to never hear my deadname, a shortened version, of my given name, again. Unfortunately the deadname is the one on my driver's license and bank accounts, so I have some decisions to make. In time.

 

Okay, that's the short version of the story. I look forward to seeing y'all around.

[AsTheCrow]

At first I felt awkward considering myself as trans. My thinking was that I didn't want to 'coopt trans experience', whatever that means. In time, and through study, I have come to accept and LOVE that I am trans. We come in all kinds and I wouldn't have it any other way. I already feel so much more accepted in the trans community than I ever did amongst cis gay men.

[SugarMagnolia]

I don't believe there's an edit feature, AsTheCrow, but if something's really off and you ask nicely the moderators/admins will sometimes correct it for you.

I'm glad you've found an identity as trans. It's so frustrating when I hear that people don't feel accepted, feel that they're not "trans" enough or are worried about co-opting something.  

There are no signs or dividing lines and very few rules to guide on this journey. But there is camaraderie, friendship and support. It's good that you've found that along the way, and I hope you find the same here!

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Jay,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad to meet you.

 

No, there is no edit feature. For small errors, you can PM any moderator or administrator after your 1st 5 posts or replies (you've got 2 of them right here) and we'll be happy to correct for you. For larger errors, a correction reply like your 2nd would be best.

 

I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

Welcome Jay.

 There is indeed a big trans* umbrella.  Labels seem to fade away as we find our own identities rather than ones that society felt we should have at birth.  

Glad you've joined us.  I'm 70 now, which i also feel is odd, as i was a teenager the week before last.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Jay.  I hope that this site helps you answer questions and find  support and friendship.  We're here to help in any way we can.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Jani]

Hello Jay and welcome.  I'm glad you finally joined us.   I'm... lets say older and I still feel like a teen some days!  So you're not alone with that thought.

 

3 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

There are no signs or dividing lines and very few rules to guide on this journey. But there is camaraderie, friendship and support. It's good that you've found that along the way, and I hope you find the same here!

This is certainly a principle here; we're all here for each other. 

 

I'm glad to hear you have a chosen family that treats you with respect.  That's important.  

 

So you've come out at work; where you go from here is up to you.  It's your ride and no one else.   You can do the androgynous route, and accelerate or pull back at any time.  It's up to you.  Other will just have to deal with it, and they will.

 

I hope to see you around the forum.

Jani

[tracy_j]

Hi Jay

 

Welcome ?

 

Tracy

[MaryEllen]

Hello Jay,

Welcome to TransPulse.  I've edited your intro post for you.

 

MaryEllen