Post-op top surgery

[ChickenLittle]

I'm a couple days out from peri-areolar top surgery! The first day I felt great and couldn't stop smiling. Today I'm still in good spirits but feeling very fragile and sick of these drains. I feel so lucky to have my friends and family here to help.

 

If I'm 100% honest, the week leading up to surgery was terrifying. I was so scared of surgery that I thought maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe I would regret It. Maybe I'd chicken out at the last minute and make a fool of myself. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough to be happy living as a woman. But as soon as I woke up I knew that this was the right choice; this is me. I am whole. I can't wait to heal enough to go outside and let the sunlight touch my chest. Every day that has gone by since I started my transition, my body feels a little bit more like home.

[jae bear]

 I am so very proud of you !  You look amazing! And those tubes will be gone soon enough ! Decisions like these are always so hard, but you are an extremely intelligent and brave man for taking control of your life, that sunlight is going to come soon enough, and you deserve every bright cheerful ray you receive.  Recovery from surgery is definitely a tough process, I’ve been through a few myself and can tell you the time you spend recovering is not pleasant, but the results will be worth it, worth more than you could even fathom at this very moment. And you are such a brave and strong man, we truly need more men like you in this world,  I cannot express enough how amazing you are, and the inspiration you provide to me personally!  I look forward to your future that will be undoubtedly filled with many Captain Kirk like moments were your shirt will become useless!  I just don’t want to be the one in the red shirt when those moments happen!

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

[Jani]

That smile says it all!!!!  You look great Dude! 
 

Jani

[Jani]

I think its time to change that moniker from ChickenLittle to something more appropriate, like Big Rooster!!!
 

Jani

[ChickenLittle]

6 hours ago, Jani said:

I think its time to change that moniker from ChickenLittle to something more appropriate, like Big Rooster!!!
 

Jani

Haha, thank you! I've been thinking of changing it, so people have an easy name to refer to me by. I'm still ridiculously small though, even clothes made especially for short men are too big for me  

[Annie]

Congratulations! I am so thrilled to see the big giant smile on your face!

One of my favorite parts of going to the trans march in Portland a few weeks ago was seeing all the trans men without their shirts. As we marched, more and more took off their shirts. It was so lovely to see the smiles get bigger as their pride filled them. You remind me of that time with your amazing photo. Thanks so much for sharing!

[Jani]

On 7/2/2018 at 7:20 PM, ChickenLittle said:

I'm still ridiculously small though, even clothes made especially for short men are too big for me

Ok this is not uncommon.  I was very short and small (now I'm tall and small) so I shopped in the Teen or Young Men's section for shirts and slacks for seemingly forever.  Think of it like Juniors section for guys.  Don't be embarrassed about where you shop.  It doesn't make any difference as long as it fits.  And many of the styles will be up to date also as younger guys do not want to look uncool.  

 

Also, you can get slacks and jeans taken in and hemmed for low cost.  They will look so much better.  

 

Happy shopping!!!!

Jani

[ChickenLittle]

Quick update: my left nipple isn't healing quite right and it's got me pretty nervous. I sent a photo to my surgeon and he's having me come in on Monday so he can check it out. He seemed a little concerned but not worried and he still checked the "within normal limits" box in his response, so I'm holding on to that. It's either just scabbing or impeded blood flow, so that's a bit scary. About 3/4 of it is super dark, pretty much black. I didn't get grafts, so it's really uncommon for it to look this way. Wish me luck! I'm looking forward to a day where this is all just a memory and my chest is fully healed. 

[VickySGV]

3 hours ago, ChickenLittle said:

"within normal limits" box in his response, so I'm holding on to that. It's either just scabbing or impeded blood flow, so that's a bit scary.

 

It does not matter which of our surgeries we have there will be moments when we scare ourselves with how things look.  For my first few months I was afraid of what I would see every time I looked at myself, but it has all turned out fine.  Not the sight I imagined but it was good in the end.

 

[ChickenLittle]

Thanks, Vicky. This is my first surgery so it's all new to me. I'm trying to stay positive!

[Jani]

I was afraid to look also!    Have faith in your doctor's experience.  I know I did and I am beyond happy with my results.   Each of us is different and while they understand how our body "should" react to the surgery and plan for this, it is ultimately our body that does the healing at it's own pace.  

 

Take a deep breath!  Ahhh.

 

Jani

[ChickenLittle]

Another update: spoke with my surgeon and I've got a really rare complication that he seems very surprised by. Basically, my left nipple has very limited blood supply and a lot of tissue has died. I'm guessing one of my arterioles was in a weird place and accidentally got cut during surgery. He told me he thinks in about 4 weeks the dead stuff will detach on its own and we'll see what's underneath and proceed from there. He seems optimistic that there's healthy tissue in there because there's a pink area in one corner and I have some pain response in the area. 

 

I'm trying to be patient but I'm feeling very scared and discouraged. I love my results otherwise, for the most part, but I'm afraid I'll have a lot of asymmetry in my nipple color/size/protrusion/etc and I might need another surgery later to correct for that (I hope I can, at least). My surgeon told me we'll cross that bridge if it comes to it (in about 6 months). 

[VickySGV]

It took me over 9 months to get rid of some of my internal swelling, and for nerves that were dissociated from the tissue they were "reporting" to my brain to get re-mapped.  It was another three months before some other healing from nerves affecting specific sensations  was completed.  It was worth the time it took though, but I can empathize with the worry and concern and likely pain  that you are having with this.  Your doctor is wise in yielding to time, the greatest healer.  It does sound like you are under good care.

[ChickenLittle]

New update: My stitches are starting to dissolve and the bad surface tissue is just barely beginning to flake off at the corner that looks healthiest. The skin underneath looks normal there, so that's a hopeful sign. I'm going to keep writing updates because it helps me process and keep track of things and also for a reference in case anybody else has this same issue with their own surgery. I've spent hours looking online and couldn't find anybody with a case that matched mine in severity. I'm thinking a likely outcome will be healthy,  normal looking tissue on one half of the nipple blending into fairly obvious scar tissue on the other side. If I end up with that I'll be happy and it should be easy to conceal with medical tattooing if I want to. Hopefully I won't have a big crater on one side, though there's a good chance I might. Please keep your fingers crossed for me! 

[SugarMagnolia]

I have my fingers and toes crossed for you! The waiting game is tough, but it seems like you're taking the right approach to it. And thanks for continuing to post updates!

[VickySGV]

It can seem that undissolved sutures hold in the bad stuff, but when they are out of the way swelling goes down like a punctured inner tube and good stuff pops right out at you.  Who knows but you may go down in medical history.  The skin pigment may take a while to get back to normal color, but unless your family has a history of bad scarring you will be fine.  Your "plan 'B'" with the medical tattooing is a good answer if needed.

[ChickenLittle]

Time for another update-- last night I got a scare when I accidentally bumped that big scab and felt it come loose. I'm still fairly numb so I flew out of bed to assess the damage, only to find that there was none to speak of. I can see that there appears to be a healthy nipple under there (at least the part I can see) and there was no bleeding. I bet the scab will detach completely soon! 

[SugarMagnolia]

That sounds like good news! Must have been pretty scary, though, until you could check it out and see that it was OK.

Julie

[illisson]

Belated congrats on your surgery! You'll be coming up on your first anniversary for it soon; how has it been healing? Did you end up having any problems on the left side? 

[ChickenLittle]

Hi there! 

 

It ended up healing (mostly) okay! I did lose some tissue and have a little visible scarring, but it's really not bad. I'll be going in next month for a revision, but it's actually to address the other side of my chest, where the nipple sticks out further than I'd like, and to do a tiny bit of lipo for chest contouring. 

[EliAtkins]

Glad to hear things healed up fairly well!  Good luck with the revision!

[Lexi C]

congrats good vibes on yr healing process.. 

[Ned]

Glad you are happy but sorry to hear you are having to get more surgery.  I know you feel much better now.

[ChickenLittle]

Got my revision yesterday! Feeling great so far and the bandages come off on Monday. I have a bit of swelling where they did the contouring but overall it's looking good. Fingers crossed for the reveal next week!

[Jani]

Best of luck in healing.  I hope all is well.  

 

Jani