Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

The start of a new discovery.


Abigail3051

Recommended Posts

Hello,
I only just recently discovered that I'm Trans witch has been an shocking and actually quite revealing discovery. as of right now I'm 21 and I'm only just now beginning to explore my feminine side. For the longest time I kept this a secret from not only those around me but even myself, even as a kid I used to fantasize about being a girl, I would often help myself fall asleep at night by telling myself a story where in the middle of the night I would be kidnapped by this mad scientist who, through wacky means would in some way turn me into a girl and leave me like that forever. I always had a temptation to try on my sisters cloths and her makeup, but was always ashamed of it and only did it in secret. Every time I would see a cute dress or skirt I would always wish I could wear it. And despite all this, I was still oblivious to the fact that I'm Transgender. I've never had a girl friend, and I always avoided even considering getting a boy friend. (I'm actually really questioning my sexuality.) I've went all the way through high school and barely passed. after high school I just worked my job at KFC and played video games with my friends online for a full year, and did nothing else physically. Mentally I was slowly convincing myself I was worthless and that I would never succeed at anything, I began to get really depressed and angry at myself for not doing anything about it. One day I discovered a passion for making YouTube videos (Something I never knew I had) and I began working on that, it made my happier but I still felt like I was missing something.

 

About a year later (about a week ago) through an alternate YouTube account I made under the fake name of Abigail (Yes this isn't my birth name) I met someone, someone who I was able to talk to, completely anonymously, without any regrets. I thought "if the person hated me I could just leave right?" So we talked freely, with no social filter. Turns up we are both in a similar situation, We both wanted to wear girls cloths., but were too ashamed of it to tell anyone. We talked for a while and started to become friends. Afterwards I felt really weird and kinda guilty about it, I poured all my deepest and darkest secrets on some random person on the internet who doesn't even know my real name. Over the next 2 (or 3) days I kinda stayed away from that chat box, but In my mind I was beginning to ask a question that I never really considered before, the question they asked me shortly after we met "Do you want to be a girl?" The question echoed in my head, and whatever force was tying to keep me from noticing it couldn't stop me from considering it. I spend almost every minute of those days thinking about it, looking at all the evidence I mentioned before (and a lot more) and In the end, I decided the answer is Yes, yes I do want to be a girl

.

I got back in touch with my new friend and thanked them for helping me come to this realization (Even if all they did was ask a simple question) and I added them on my real steam account and invited them to my discord server (So our friendship is real now and no longer anonymous) and I even worked up the courage to tell my older sister about it, I knew she would accept it and she did. I kept in touch with my new friend and eventually found myself here. SO here I am, now writing this post...


Sorry I ended up telling my whole life story (I swear I didn't mean to do it) But iv'e been wanting to get all this off my chest for a while.


Newly found.


~Abby


P.S Abigail is a name I always liked, I never knew how but I wanted it to be a name in my life, and it's starting to grow on me as my name, whoops.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Abby.  Thank you for sharing your story.  It's quite interesting.  Don't worry about it being longish.  Sometimes you just have to let the words flow.

 

Please look around the forums, post wherever you like, and ask any questions.  We'll do our best to answer honestly, and if we don't know, we'll say so.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Abby,

 

Welcome :)

 

Thank you for your introduction.

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello Abby,

Welcome to TransPulse. Thank you for sharing your story with us. :)

 

MaryEllen

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi abby,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you've found us!

 

I remember sneaking my sister's clothes. Now she's my greatest ally in my family! 

 

Nice to meet you!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Abigail!  This name is beautiful.  It has a special meaning to me.  It's nice to meet you.

 

Jani 

Link to comment

Aw, y'all are so nice i'm Gonna cry, Thank you so much for your nice greetings, and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Link to comment

Small update (+ Something I forgot to mention)
Right before I accepted that I was trans I shaved my armpits.
And Just this morning I decided I don't care if anyone notices but I shaved my legs! It's supper weird and nice! My legs are so soft ans it almost feels like theirs a wax film over them :o
(sorry Just wanted to mention that)


Experamenting.
~Abby

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Abby,

Finding yourself can be a wonderful experience.  Thank you for sharing.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

It is quite wonderful ^_^
Today I found myself a bra that fits me perfectly! It can't be seen under my T-Shirt so I can wear it all the time now! Though its a bit scary while I'm talking to people because I get worried they'll notice ?
In all I really enjoy wearing it, I don't really know why but it feels nice..

It may be my sisters but I don't think she'll miss it.

Slightly more confotable with herself
~Abby

Link to comment

I think I'm going to give my mom my letter today...
I'm scared but I cant bear to keep it a secret any longer.

Link to comment
Just now, Abigail3051 said:

I think I'm going to give my mom my letter today...
I'm scared but I cant bear to keep it a secret any longer.

If it is unbearable for you to keep your inner self in hiding then there is no other way then telling her in some way. I also have those things to do yet. I will start with a good friend of mine, a lesbian biological woman that I have known for ages. She will be the easy one. Then I have my wife to tell, then parents, sister etc. It will be very difficult but I will never be true to myself or the people around me if I don’t tell. I wish you luck!

Link to comment

I did it! I gave my mom the letter explaining everything!

She immediately accepted me and I started crying, we hugged and talked about it for a little while and shes completely okay with it, surprised but okay with it. My dad still doesn't know but my mom will give him the letter while I'm at work tonight.

 

A huge weight as been lifted from her shoulders,
~abby

Link to comment
Just now, Abigail3051 said:

I did it! I gave my mom the letter explaining everything!

She immediately accepted me and I started crying, we hugged and talked about it for a little while and shes completely okay with it, surprised but okay with it. My dad still doesn't know but my mom will give him the letter while I'm at work tonight.

 

A huge weight as been lifted from her shoulders,
~abby

Wow! You have really done well now and you have a superb mom!

 

hugs and kisses 

 

Anna

Link to comment

Update: My mom isn't taking it quite as well as she first made it seem. She cried shortly after I left for work and last night she had a bunch of bad dreams. I got woke up to her yelling in her sleep, at one point she shouted "He doesn't have a.." I can really only think of one way that sentence could have ended V_V
She still hasen't told dad.
Moms worried about my future and she keeps trying to talk to me about "Gay S**" I don't think she resizes the surgery I want to get one day, but I don't think i should bring that up to her.

Link to comment

I'm sorry she's having a harder time than you originally thought. When I first told my mom, she was so sweet and accepting but as the days went on I think she got more and more scared. After some time and some awkward/difficult conversations she's feeling much better. She can see how much happier I am since I began my transition and I think that's what really helped. I hope your mom is able to find some support and that she soon realizes that this is a positive change in your life. Don't give up hope!

Link to comment

Welcome Abby!! Congrats on coming out to your mom, even if it didn't go perfectly (it rarely does). Give her time. My wife had the same reaction. At first she was like "oh, that's it?" And she was super supportive the rest of that day. I think it's mostly the shock factor taking over. The next day she really had a hard time. Crying a ton. Not really understanding. But after a few days, I could tell that she was making peace with it. And now, almost two years later, we are happier than ever. Just don't lose faith that things can still work out. Take care!!!

Link to comment

I don't really know how well shes taking it anymore, she seems to mostly be trying to avoid the topic. I also found out that she has a problem with the idea of HRT, she's worried that its dangerous and I might end up with a tumor or something. I don't thing she understands it at all V_V
Does anyone have a good link I can give her to re-assure her its perfectly safe to give to her when  I'm ready to start taking that step?

Link to comment

I think many parents worry about the safety of HRT and other transition-related medical stuff. I don't have any HRT-related links right now, but there's a YouTuber named Chase Ross who made a series called Trans 101 that's good for sharing with family and friends who may not know much about trans issues. Here's the link to the video playlist: 

 

Link to comment
Just now, ChickenLittle said:

I think many parents worry about the safety of HRT and other transition-related medical stuff. I don't have any HRT-related links right now, but there's a YouTuber named Chase Ross who made a series called Trans 101 that's good for sharing with family and friends who may not know much about trans issues. Here's the link to the video playlist: 

Thank you! Ill be sure to watch this and see if it will help ^_^

Link to comment

I looked through the playlist and he has one a ways down specifically about HRT! Hopefully it's helpful.

Link to comment

Hey Abby-

I just explained my situation to my parents a few weeks ago too. They are wonderful and loving and they want to be supportive, but it’s difficult. My dad explained: “I have an old brain that has been trained to think in an old fashioned way, and it’s gonna take me a while to learn something so new. Sorry up front if I get it wrong and offend you all the time, I promise I love you.” Mom did some crying too, but it’s because she is scared for the pain and hardship I might face as a trans woman in an often cruel world, and also I think she feels guilty for not having known decades ago so she could support me appropriately when I was a kid.

 

Our parents have complex internal worlds just like we do, and they need tons of support too. I hope you can all find ways to support each other while you set off on this adventure!

 

-Marlin

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 175 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • KymmieL
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. afraid of self
      afraid of self
    2. Chaidoesart
      Chaidoesart
      (14 years old)
    3. Faith57
      Faith57
    4. Joyce Ann
      Joyce Ann
      (70 years old)
    5. Kelly21121
      Kelly21121
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      happy trans birthday! I can't speak personally on the subject, but I hope hormones bring you the changes you're looking for <3 
    • MaeBe
      That’s super healthy, to see that something that becomes common has less effect on you and that you are able to decipher these feelings.   Sadly, this trend tends to only deaden good feelings as we tend not to let bad feelings attenuate the same way.   I have noticed less euphoria, but still feel the dysphorias that I have. Sometimes the good sneaks in and reminds me, but often time it’s just me seeing myself in the mirror and being comfortable about what I see when embracing my realized self. I may not get the same buzz I once did, but I don’t feel incongruous when looking at a more “drab” reflection.    Wishing you strength, you are amazing!
    • KayC
      Congratulations! and Happy Trans Birthday @LittleSam! That is such a BIG milestone.  I can still remember walking out of my clinic with my first HRT presciption.  I was on Cloud-9.  Wishing you all the best in the start of your new Journey!
    • missyjo
      maebe thank you I try to be. I thank God for blessings, try to share them, beg forgiveness for my shortcomings n vow to try to do better...2 priests have said no, God doesn't condemn you just for being trans...but apparently evangelicals do   I shall vtry dear thank you  
    • MaeBe
      Meet him at the being good to others part of Christianity. At the heart of it, there are excellent tenets of the faith. Those that condemn are judging, Jesus would have us be selfless; stone casting and all that. Are you a good person? Are you putting good into the world? If your gender is an issue for God, let God judge. In the mortal realm, let your actions be heard. 
    • missyjo
      and just fi sweeten it..I'm catholic n he hasn't been for years..he's evangelical..whatever that is
    • MaeBe
      Let’s stick to cite-able fact. Most of my posts have been directly in relation to LGBTQ+ rights as it pertains to P2025 and I have drawn direct links between people, their quotes, and their agenda. I have made reference to the cronyism that P2025 would entail as well, by gutting, not cutting, broad swathes of government and replacing it with “conservative warriors” (I can get you the direct quote, but rest assured it’s a quote). All this does is constantly force the cogs to be refitted, not their movement. To say that agencies have directly defied a President is a bit much, the EPA did what Trump told them to do at the direct harm to the environment, the department of agriculture did the same by enacting the administrations forced move to KC which decimated the USDA.      How about Betsy DeVoss for Education? Or Bannon for anything? What about the revolving Chief of Staff position that Trump couldn’t stay filled? Or the Postmaster General, who did much to make the USPS worse?   Let’s not mix politics with racism, sexism, or any other ism. Because Trump made mainly white, male, appointments—many of them not, arguably, people fit for service—or unwilling to commit to term. I can argue this because, again, he’s up for election and will do what he did before (and more of the same, his words).   Please delineate how the selected diversity appointments have negatively affected the US, other than being black, women, or queer? Representation matters and America benefits when its people are inspired and empowered.
    • missyjo
      ok ladies if I've asked this before I'm sorry please delete    ok so I have 2vsiblings..one is overly religious..n preachy n domineering..so he keeps trying to talk with me n I'd like to..but he always falls into this all knowing all wise domineering preachy thing tjaz tells me he's praying for christ to beat Satan for control of my soul..which is doomed to hell bc I'm transgender    I'd like to try to have a civil conversation n try to set him strait n gsin a cooperation n real conversation    any suggestions?
    • missyjo
      abigail darling what about extensions or a wig? be brave n hang in there  to thine own self be true  good luck
    • RaineOnYourParade
      When I first started figuring things out, I got a lot more euphoria. Every time a friend would use he/they pronouns for me, I'd get this bubbly feeling, and seeing myself look masculine made me really happy. Dysphoric state felt more normal, so I guess I noticed the pain it caused me less.   Now, it's more just that my pronouns and such things feel natural, and dysphoria is a lot stronger -- I know what's natural, so experiencing the opposite is more jarring than everything. The problem is, most of my natural experiences are from friends, and I rarely get properly gendered by strangers, much less by my family. I've found myself unable to bind in months due to aches, colds,, and not wanting to risk damage.    It partially makes me want to go back to the beginning of my journey, because at least then I got full euphoria. I'm pretty sure it'll be like this until I medically transition, or at the very least get top surgery (you know all those trans dudes online with tiny chests? Not me, unfortunately). It's a bit depressing, but at least I know that, eventually, there's a way out of this.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Major mood, right here ^^^    I've listened to Lumineers to a long time (a major portion of it by osmosis via my mom), so that is almost painfully relatable
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As for getting a button-up/formal pants suit, you can try to talk to her more -- Cis women in tuxes have worn tuxes in recent years, after all, (for example, Zendaya) so it can still be a relatively safe topic. For jumpsuits, I'd recommend going with a simple one with a blazer, if you can -- this'll make it look overall more masculine. There's a lot of good brands, but going for one without a lot of extra glitz on it will make it look less feminine under a blazer. I don't know many specific brands though since I usually just get my stuff from chain stores, sorry :<   When it comes to your hair, if you can't cut it, you can look up tutorials on fluffing it up instead. If you can pull it off, it can look a lot shorter and more androgynous instead!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As far as I'm aware, he wasn't -- he just sometimes wore skirts, which was why it was a question in the first place.   In my opinion, part of that is because of the way press spares attention on issues like that. As a bit of a true crime nut and what I see: Child predator cases' (and cases of a sexual nature in general) press focus on those with an AMAB perpetrator generally, and very rarely are AFAB perpetrators given much press time or even getting tried due to a whole bunch of issues I'm not gonna get into. Because of this, when you see these types of cases and a boy is the victim, it's almost always a queer person who is the one who committed a crime that gets press. Therefore, with the amount of cases seen with this type of perpetrator (and due to the fact "99% of queer people are not sexual criminals" doesn't attract eyes), the human brain can kind of naturally makes an association with it. It's not right, but it's also a fault I think falls partially on the media.   That's all my opinion, though!   This is extra confusing to me, as a feminine man is usually viewed as gay. If someone is refusing the acknowledge the existence of trans people, then gay would be the societal connection that comes after, I think. So, that sorta implies that trans women wouldn't be interested in women in the first place by those assumptions? Of course, trans lesbians exist (most trans women I know like women, actually), but it's a little ridiculous to me that people will deny trans people's existence, call all feminine AMAB people gay, and say that trans people are looking to peep all in the same breath.   Wow, this was a lot longer of a response than I was planning to write--
    • Abigail Genevieve
      For one thing, the practice of putting into office wholly unqualified people simply because of racial, sexual or national characteristics.  It is no accident that Karine is a Haitian immigrant, Black and lesbian.  Kamala Harris is a Black female. Pete Buttigieg is gay.  Often you find that Biden explicitly stated that this is why he hired them, not because of competence, but because they checked so many boxes on his little list.  It makes a mockery of people and is a disservice to the US. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am not sure why people are in favor of unaccountable agencies with bloated budgets and wasteful spending. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...