Coming Out at School Concerns

[Uncouthguru22]

pt. 1) I'm currently thinking about coming out online to a select group of people my own age that I know will (at least for the most part) be safe and accepted around. Does anyone have any tips or ideas for writing a coming out post?

 

(this next part is a bit long so feel free to just stop reading here if you would like)

 

pt. 2) I am not out to my family, (I fear the withdrawal of resources and being put into a dangerous and toxic situation) yet I am hoping to come out to my high school this fall as my senior year begins... I'm hoping in coming out to this group of people before school starts will give me a kind of buffer zone for any other students at school. What I am most worried about is being outed to my family, especially after the start of the school year by one particular teacher who is in close contact with my aunt and her family.

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f anyone could give any information or tips regarding coming out to my school, dealing with the school year, that teacher, and all of the overly conservative, hick, bigoted students that also attend my school, that would be great! 

[MarcieMarie12]

Just a concern that if you come out at school it may get back to your parents. It might not even be the administration or that teacher, but a fellow student telling their parent or being overheard by that teacher and then them telling your parents. It is a possibility, and if it is not safe for you to come out at home then you might want to wait until you get out of the house.

[Charlize]

Welcome to Trans Pulse.

It has been my experience that once one person knows the truth it grows to two shortly.  I would suggest that the more folks you speak to the more chance there is that it will get back to your parents before school starts.  I would also guess that if you come out at school it will get back quickly to your parents.  If you think they will react negatively you might want to wait a bit.

Speaking to a school counselor or better yet a gender therapist can help immensely. 

 

Sorry to be such a negative person but once your out it changes how others react.  Taking time, reflecting and being careful can help us be ourselves without hurting others or ourselves.

We are here to help as we can.

You m,ightr want to post in the introduction forum as well.  More folks will get to know you that way.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Hello Guru.  Welcome.  I have to agree with my friends that if your parents will be disapproving to the point of withdrawing resources I would defer getting this news out until you are on your own.  Some parents react badly and have been known to kick children out of the house.  I can't understand this tactic but that's how some think.  

 

If you go away to college next year this would be the best time to express your individuality as this is a time to discover who we are in an environment of growth.  

 

Jani

[Annie]

I agree with what's been said so far. Coming out at school is likely to trigger someone telling your parents. It sounds like you are in a situation where it may be a good idea to proceed slowly and think very carefully about this decision. I understand wanting to experience your last year of high school as yourself, but the most important thing right now is to protect yourself. I suggest you try to build some allies around you before you make the decision to come out to the whole school. Trying to do that with this group of friends sounds wise, but I also think you need to find some adult allies. School may become dangerous as more people find out and you need some adults in the school looking out for you. Does your school have a counselor or social worker? The people in these positions usually go back to school at least two weeks before the rest of the school so you can have a conversation with them BEFORE school starts to test the waters. Be sure and tell them before talking that you want the conversation to be confidential. It's also good to keep in mind that all teachers and counselors are mandatory reporters, meaning that if you report any kind of abuse at home, they are required to report it to Child Protective Services (not saying there is abuse, but it's good to know because that type of reporting can trigger a cascade of consequences). The counselor should be able to tell you who the other adult allies in the school are and help you weigh the risk of coming out.

 

Another idea is to find your local LGBTQ center and go to some programming for teens this summer. The other kids can help you get a sense of what it will be like to come out at school so you know what you are getting into. And the adult counselors can help you develop a coming out plan. Whether you ultimately decide to come out at your school or not, you can still enjoy the senior year stuff like dances with other LGBTQ teenagers through the center. A lot of cities even have alternative proms that honestly look a lot more fun than my senior prom was.

 

It sounds like you know that coming out is going to be difficult. Unfortunately, without your parents' support, you will have to be your own advocate and it's really important to know your rights before you do. Missouri is one of many states that do not have anti-bullying laws or anti-discrimination laws in place to protect LGBT students. However there are federal law protections in place. These are your rights: https://transequality.org/know-your-rights/schools

 

Research shows that adolescents who are out are usually happier, but many are in positions like yours where they are "managing" their identity, meaning some people know and others don't. This can add a whole new level of stress. It's really important that you find a responsible and helpful adult that can help you deal with these day-to-day life issues.