I don't know any other trans people, kinda lonely

[Cela]

Hi everyone! Glad I found this forum, because it looks like the one I used to visit has been closed down!

My name is Luka and I am FTM, 23 years old, living stealth and stuff (even tho I am not currently on T and I haven't had top surgery yet), and I am not really an "out and proud" transperson, quite the opposite really (I wish I could have been born cis). Everyone has accepted me and life is good, but I really have no one to talk to about transstuff, and I really wish I knew some trans people that were like me, you know?

I am hoping to have top surgery in a year or two, and I think about it every day, just as I every day wish I looked more masculine (can't really start T atm tho..), and I really wish I knew someone in a similar situation, because I want to talk to someone, but I can't talk to my friends either because it's too embarrassing or they don't even know that I am trans.

I watch youtubers like MissLondon, Sam Collins, Storm Ryan, Kalvin Garrah etc, that all hang out and stuff, and I just feel even more lonely, haha.

Maybe you would think that I would just go to some LGBT meeting, but those are quite rare in my country (even though it's very super progressive), and I did attend one once and it was the worst thing I could've possibly imagined. People there forced me to explicitly state my pronouns even though I had already told them my name and they could just guess by that, and they totally shunned my friend for accidentally misgendering a transguy who was veeery early in his transition. And they just kept talking about how awful guys and cis people and white people are... It just wasn't the right place for me, so now I am searching online for some closure.

I am sorry, I don't really know where I am going with this post, I just needed to write it... I guess I am hoping that it will lead to some interaction with some people like me, even if just for a brief moment on a forum.

 

Sorry for rambling so much!

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the forums.  I hope we can fill in some of the holes for you.  I am MtF as you can tell from my name and signature lines, but we do have a group of guys who will be here in time.  Some Trans groups are just not the right fit and I am sorry about what happened with the group you visited,  I suggest that people here put their pronouns in their signature line, but we only grt annoyed when pronouns are deliberately misused. ( see site rules ).

[Rowan]

Hi Luka! I totally know what you are talking about. I don't know a single other trans person. I live in a very small, conservative town in the middle of nowhere. The closest lgbtq meeting I've found is about a four hour drive. Keep your head up though. There are lots of online communities and groups on Facebook that have really helped me out. And most of the people here are good to talk to. Hope you stick around!!!

[Nykoli55]

I like the name Luka. I am in almost the same boat. No top surgery yet and t is a maybe for me. Dysphoria and awareness of my body can be unbearable sometimes but I've found small ways to feel really good about myself. I'm 28 and it took soooooooo long just to tell people.

 

When I was 23 I changed my name and had a plan to move to a new city and look 100%male before....being male I guess. I never planned on being out.  I wanted to avoid dealing with people during the process and live stealth. Five years later and that didn't happen. at all. I didn't move. I don't look male, haven't had surgery, haven't taken T and I still have crippling dysphoria.But! I've accepted who I am, to a degree, and I have come out to most friends, coworkers and strangers. Mostly out of necessity. I didn't tell a soul until 2 years ago.  

 

Having something that has been hidden for so long so blatantly in front of people is not comfortable and very vulnerable. Especially when you don't pass and you have a history with the people around you. I get "she-he-sorry!" so often. 

 

There's a lot to my story but I'm mostly telling you this because-even though it is unbelievably difficult still- I am so much happier, sober...er, and excited than ever before. And I do not! pass. I'd like to! But I don't. And i'm giving up my secrets. And it feels very good. Do what feels right and safe for you but no-you are absolutely not alone. I know very very few trans people. But-they are out there. Hope you write back.  

 

[Jani]

Hello Cela, I'm glad you took the time to write.  You're not rambling!  And even so, its ok.  You might try coming out to your friends by asking about "things you've read" to see how they react.  That would give you an idea about their acceptance.

 

Hi Nykoli55.  I'm happy to hear you're happy and importantly Sober!   Great.  Life is for living.  I'm glad you're excited.  Passing is also in how you carry yourself, not just how you look.  

 

Jani

[ChickenLittle]

Hi Luka, 

 

Welcome to the forums! You're not alone. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk. There have been a lot more guys joining the forums lately too, so hopefully you can make some friends here. 

[Cela]

Thanks for the replies everyone really needed it! Would like to message you all, but it seems like I cant, for some reason it says that I can only send 0 messages a day haha, no idea why (maybe because I am new?).

I was feeling a bit down when I wrote the post, but writing about stuff always makes me feel better! Also just getting a reminder that there are people out there in situations similar to your own always helps.

Hope you are all doing good, wherever you are

[SugarMagnolia]

I think you need to have a certain number of posts before you can DM people, Cela. The number's pretty low though as I recall, so you'll be there soon. ?

I'm sorry that you had such a poor experience when you went to an LGBT event. Stating pronouns is very common where I live so that people don't guess incorrectly and offend people, but I can understand how that might seem intrusive. Are there any other LGBT groups that you could seek out? I went to a few before I found one that I really liked, so don't give up!

Best,
Julie

[JBfox]

 Hi! 

I hope you're able to make some good friends here, and to have a place to talk about those burning questions and experiences. I know it sucks not having a good support groups or friends in person. I've been struggling with the same as well. Was really hoping when I moved to CA there would be more local LGBT stuff, but I haven't had a whole lot of luck. This forum is great though.

 -Vaelyn

[ChickenLittle]

Oh yeah, there's a post limit you have to meet before you can DM, but it doesn't take long to hit it, especially if you find interesting threads to participate in. Glad you're feeling better!

[ChickenLittle]

38 minutes ago, JBfox said:

 Hi! 

I hope you're able to make some good friends here, and to have a place to talk about those burning questions and experiences. I know it sucks not having a good support groups or friends in person. I've been struggling with the same as well. Was really hoping when I moved to CA there would be more local LGBT stuff, but I haven't had a whole lot of luck. This forum is great though.

 -Vaelyn

I love in the SF Bay Area and there's quite a bit going on up here! I don't think Monterey County is too far away, maybe it would be worth a day trip to go to an event? 

[JBfox]

 I figured the SF area would have plenty of people up that way. I wouldn't mind making a trip up there for an event. I'm actually pretty bummed out that I had to miss pride this year. I would just have to plan for it ahead of time.

[ChickenLittle]

16 hours ago, JBfox said:

 I figured the SF area would have plenty of people up that way. I wouldn't mind making a trip up there for an event. I'm actually pretty bummed out that I had to miss pride this year. I would just have to plan for it ahead of time.

 

Yeah, Pride up here is such a huge event! There's even a trans march every year before the big pride parade. I've really been wanting to go to the Philly Trans Wellness Conference, but I'm going to miss it again this year. But next year I'm going, for sure! If you do make it up to the Bay Area at any point and want to have somebody to hang out with, feel free to reach out. My partner and I love meeting new friends and we're always down to show somebody around the area. 

[jae bear]

 Hey JB !

  I am down in San Jose and go to the Billy DeFrank center a couple times a month, I look forward to it so much!  Feel free to message me anytime you get bored, I like to go out with friends now and then and I have some really awesome trans friends that take me out once in a while, they don’t live super close but they are super awesome, who knows maybe someday we will all get together and have some fun!!!

 Hugs, 

Jackie

PS wouldn’t it be fun to fill my little mini van with all our trans friends and go have a good time?

[JBfox]

On ‎8‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 9:05 AM, ChickenLittle said:

 

Yeah, Pride up here is such a huge event! There's even a trans march every year before the big pride parade. I've really been wanting to go to the Philly Trans Wellness Conference, but I'm going to miss it again this year. But next year I'm going, for sure! If you do make it up to the Bay Area at any point and want to have somebody to hang out with, feel free to reach out. My partner and I love meeting new friends and we're always down to show somebody around the area. 

 

On ‎8‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 9:13 AM, jae bear said:

 Hey JB !

  I am down in San Jose and go to the Billy DeFrank center a couple times a month, I look forward to it so much!  Feel free to message me anytime you get bored, I like to go out with friends now and then and I have some really awesome trans friends that take me out once in a while, they don’t live super close but they are super awesome, who knows maybe someday we will all get together and have some fun!!!

 Hugs, 

Jackie

PS wouldn’t it be fun to fill my little mini van with all our trans friends and go have a good time?

I think it would be fun to hang out with you guys. I'm sure it'd just take a little finagling with schedules.