More Questioning

[TiaMaria]

Hey everyone,

 

It’s been a little while since I’ve been back on here. Not much has happened lately, I just wanted to ask some more questions. I wanted to hear as many different opinions on these questions since I’ve been questioning the entirety of transition lately. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone with these questions:

 

·         What does dysphoria feel like to you?

·         What made you transition vs trying to live as your assigned gender?

·         For those who transitioned later, what was it that made you transition? Why did you decide to wait so long to transition?

·         Has transition helped you or has it made things more difficult?

·         Do you ever feel fake when trying to present as your gender?

·         Do you think if you really try, you can be happy while being closeted?

·         Do you think the LGBT community is still kind of… fragmented?

·         Do you think Trans people will become more accepted in the future or will it be more like how it is now?

·         Does the fear of not finding love make you question whether to transition or not?

Any advice would be really great. Thanks J

[Fernode]

• F: What does dysphoria feel like to you?
  • A: A feeling of malaise and disgust to my birth sex. I feel way more comfortable as girl instead of a boy.
• F: What made you transition vs trying to live as your assigned gender?
  • A: Trying to live as my assigned gender were normal long time for me, because I didn't want or didn't even know about this possibilities of medicine to change sex. As I got my first coming out, I felt more likely I want to change. Of course in past I had many other problems so I weren't able to fix this problem. Now I  am Pre Hrt and it feels good.
• F: Has transition helped you or has it made things more difficult?
  • A: I didn't but I think it'll because I were more social than then.
• F:  Do you ever feel fake when trying to present as your gender?
  • A: I don't think so. It is just a feel of I am not this boy what I am actually.
• F: Do you think if you really try, you can be happy while being closeted?
  • A: I tried long time but it damaged my mental healthy much.
• F: Do you think the LGBT community is still kind of… fragmented?
  • A: I agree it's like fragmented for me. It has many reason but all-in-all I think our community is solid.
• F:  Do you think Trans people will become more accepted in the future or will it be more like how it is now?
  • A: Of course! I stay positive.
• F: Does the fear of not finding love make you question whether to transition or not?
  • A: Sometimes yes but I have many friends who accept and don't ask trans people. Trans are like cis they said. I am positive and I am afraid of transitioning especially for this.

[Raven1981]

Hello:

 

I loved reading your post for asking some questions and I hope that my answers will help out as well.

 

        What does dysphoria feel like to you?

                      I have to say that it feels like a horrible sensation like for example someone is doing the I am not touching you and you just have to do something to get it to stop.

 

·         What made you transition vs trying to live as your assigned gender?

                   I have to say it is the fact that I have always felt something is wrong with me but could not put my finger on it and that I have always wanted and wish I were a girl and even wish I was born a girl than a boy and that I was never feeling right looking at  myself in the mirror as a boy.

 

·         For those who transitioned later, what was it that made you transition? Why did you decide to wait so long to transition?

                        I am currently transitioning in my 30's and I would have to say that I never really truly figured myself out and I have always been questioning myself till I finally went to my first therapy session and was able to get a better idea about me.

 

·         Has transition helped you or has it made things more difficult?

                         I would have to say, since transitioning and even coming out, it has helped me out so much.  I am a lot more confident, and I no longer stutter and have found the root cause of my stuttering, and has even made me more sociable.  A lot of people have notice that I am even smiling a lot more and being a lot more happy.

 

·         Do you ever feel fake when trying to present as your gender?

                            When I am my birth gender, I do feel like I am putting on a fasada and that I feel very uncomfortable.  But when I am my target gender that I identify with, I am so very comfortable and happy.

 

·         Do you think if you really try, you can be happy while being closeted?

                           I don't think I would be happy being closeted.  It has been eating away at me and when I was trying to be someone that I am not, I just did not feel right and felt like I was creating a wall between myself and others.

 

·         Do you think the LGBT community is still kind of… fragmented?

                             

·         Do you think Trans people will become more accepted in the future or will it be more like how it is now?

                           I do think it will improve a little bit within the Trans community, but not by much.  There are people out there that are still  closed minded and that they only believe in one way and do not want to deviate from what they were taught or learn about what is out there.

 

·         Does the fear of not finding love make you question whether to transition or not?

                                  Not really.  Infact, I have just started to also find my sexuality myself since coming out as Trans.

 

 

    Lots of Love

 

    Amy

 

[ChickenLittle]

What does dysphoria feel like to you? I've never really thought about how to put it in words.. Honestly for me it feels very much like my eating disorder-related dysmorphia. When I feel dysphoric I feel like there is something grossly wrong with my body and I must do everything I can to hide or "fix" it. Often this means changing my clothes over and over until I'm very upset or not leaving the house. 

 

What made you transition vs trying to live as your assigned gender? I have struggled for my whole life with severe depression and anxiety. Once I realized that I might be trans, I figured I had nothing to lose by testing the waters of transition. I started with smaller things like getting a more masculine haircut and buying more masculine clothes. Every small step I took made me feel happier and more like myself, which helped me realize that transition was the best choice for me. Once I started hormones my depression went away entirely, my anxiety was reduced significantly, and my disordered eating became much easier to manage. I honestly think that going on hormones may have saved my life, as I've been suicidal off and on since I was a young child. 

 

For those who transitioned later, what was it that made you transition? Why did you decide to wait so long to transition? I'm not sure what counts as "later," but I was 27 when I started my transition. It honestly didn't occur to me that transitioning was an option or something that would help me until it hit me one day. 

 

Has transition helped you or has it made things more difficult? My life is immeasurably better since I started my transition. I am lucky to have a partner, friends, and family who all see how much happier I am and support me. 

 

Do you ever feel fake when trying to present as your gender? There are times that I feel like I have to look, act, or speak a certain way to be seen as a man, which is stressful. At the start, using he/him pronouns felt awkward and fake, but with time it has become more natural and normal. But I also used to feel pressure to perform femininity in certain ways. 

 

Do you think if you really try, you can be happy while being closeted? I don't think that would be possible for me. Once I admitted to myself that I'm trans, I knew that I needed to transition. Before my transition, I tried so hard to be happy and it never worked. I felt like I was constantly struggling to stay afloat. 

 

Do you think the LGBT community is still kind of… fragmented? Yes, but I have hope that it will get better. I feel as if sometimes the L and the G leave out the B and the T, and there are many places where nonbinary trans people are actively excluded. 

 

Do you think Trans people will become more accepted in the future or will it be more like how it is now? I think that things will get better for trans people. If you look back, gay and lesbian people used to be treated very much like trans people are treated now. And currently, they are widely accepted in many places (though there is still a long way to go now even). 

 

Does the fear of not finding love make you question whether to transition or not? I am so thankful that my husband is my biggest supporter. At the start of my transition, I worried that he wouldn't like me if I transitioned. Then I worried about what I would do if we ever divorced or if anything happened to him. This was one of my biggest fears. Now I feel secure that I would be able to find love again if I was put in that position. 

[Kirsten]

What does dysphoria feel ike to me? 

 

It feels like frustration. It’s like I am a square peg and I’m trying to fit into a round hole. I want to look feel act and be treated how a round peg is. But it’s not possible because I’m simply not a round peg. 

 

What made me transition vs trying to live as my assigned gender? 

 

Exhaustion. I am 39. I have lived my whole life as my assigned gender up until this year. I did everything I could to be happy. Good job. Awesome friends. Wonderful wife and kids. Beautiful house cars etc.... 

But even with everything I could ever want, I was still miserable. I was simply tired of faking it. Tired of the lies. Tired of the self loathing. Tired of it all.  

 

For those who transitioned later, why? 

 

Well It is basically the same answer as above. But the why was because of fear. Fear that society had bestowed upon me about transgender. Fear that I’d be laughed at, cast out, end up alone, would always look bad, never be accepted. Plenty of fear. But for me I realized fear is just fear. It’s most important to be happy with yourself. This makes me happy to be alive and proud of who I am. 

 

Do I ever feel fake trying to present as my gender? 

 

Yes. But less and less. I’m not sure if fake is really the right word, but I am still learning who I am. What I like and don’t like. What looks good on me. What makeup I should have. All of that stuff. But as I figure things out it feels more natural. I think awkward is better than fake. I don’t feel fake. I feel awkward. 

 

Do I think if I really tried I could be happy closeted?

 

Simple answer. No. Never. Been there done that. No way. 

 

Doi think the LBGTQ+ community is still fragmented? 

 

Yes and no. I believe that there is support across the board for all forms of people in our community. But I also think that some people are selfish. And they want things to be about them. And not equality for all. They may have issue with my lifestyle. Or they may think that one type of person will make it more difficult for them to get equality. It’s all fear based imho. 

 

Do i think trans people will be more accepted in the future? 

 

100% yes!! Look at the difference from when I was a kid. I was taught that black people were evil, gay people were abominations, and trans people were child molesters. I never listened to a word of it. My best friend in school was black. (My father wouldn’t talk to me for years.) I think I have as many gay friends as I do straight now. And I am fully accepted by everyone I know being trans. Times have already changed so much. And they are continuing every day. 

 

Does the fear of not finding love make me question to transition or not? 

 

No. Definitely not. I am transgender. I will never have love in my life if I lie about who and what I am. In order to love someone completely, you need to love yourself. If you are lying to yourself and everyone around you you’ll never actually be happy. And any love you find will be fake and fleeting at best. 

 

Transitioning can be so many different things. There are no rules. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Just find out what you need to have to be happy. With happiness comes peace. 

❤️Kirsten 

[TiaMaria]

Thank you all for your replies. They were pretty helpful.  I really sympathized with this idea.

On ‎7‎/‎15‎/‎2018 at 7:03 PM, Amy LeBlanc said:

always felt something is wrong with me but could not put my finger on it and that I have always wanted and wish I were a girl and even wish I was born a girl than a boy and that I was never feeling right looking at  myself in the mirror as a boy.

 

This one also makes a lot of sense to me since I am currently still stuck at this point in my life and trying to get past it. 

On ‎7‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 10:14 AM, Kirsten said:

I have lived my whole life as my assigned gender up until this year. I did everything I could to be happy. Good job. Awesome friends. Wonderful wife and kids. Beautiful house cars etc.... 

But even with everything I could ever want, I was still miserable. I was simply tired of faking it. Tired of the lies. Tired of the self loathing. Tired of it all.

 

I am actually about to go see my gender therapist later today and am hoping to figure out some next steps as far as how to transition. 

 

One more thing tho, as this has been bugging me lately. Over the past few weeks now, my interest in tg transformation videos and feminization videos have WAAAYYYY increased. I think it's because Rain is on hiatus over the summer. Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone else has been into these kinds of things or if it just me? And does it make me weird if I like them? 

 

Talk to ya later