Trying To Figure Out Who I Am

[Natalie86]

Hi everyone

 

I am new here and recently introduced myself. I am not sure who I am anymore. When I am home and I can be female I am happy. When I have to out of course I am male and I am not completely unhappy in my male life I just feel unhappy in male clothes, using a mens room. Even talking to other men is uncomfortable for me because I never fit in as "male" I have always felt a strong feminine side and I am much more comfortable talking to and interacting with women . Other than being male everything seems fine the usual ups and downs of life. I am searching for the woman in me. I don't know how to go about finding her. Any advice would be so very much appreciated. 

 

Natalie

[BrandiBri]

Hi Natalie, I would suggest finding a good gender therapist as a first step. This may seem hard to do, I know it was hard for me, but it was the best thing that I did to finding myself. 

[Natalie86]

Just now, BrandiBri said:

Hi Natalie, I would suggest finding a good gender therapist as a first step. This may seem hard to do, I know it was hard for me, but it was the best thing that I did to finding myself. 

BrandiBri,

I have been looking but it is almost impossible to find one here in SC. Also I really don't have the money to see one right now but I am continuing to search. Thank you

[Jani]

Hi Natalie, 

Finding a good counselor is somewhat easier now that we have a Resources link you can search.  Also this is a good place.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/transgender/nc/fayetteville?sid=1532098477.196_21132

 

Jani

 

[Kirsten]

Hey Natalie,

You can try doing some smaller things while you are out. From piercing your ears maybe? Or undergarments? A new hairstyle or some androgynous clothing? These things all helped me before I started transitioning. Heck they still help me now! I just don’t have to be so secretive anymore. ?

Kirsten

[TheJudeResistance]

Hi Natalie! 

Have you tried seeing how you feel by dressing a bit more "feminine" when you're out and about? Like Kirsten said, you could start with little things that maybe only you would know about like underwear, shaved legs, jewelry, a little bit of nude makeup. Those sorts of things. 

You haven't mentioned if you feel any dysphoria towards your name, but I know when I first started to realise I was non-binary, that going by a different name helped with my dysphoria towards myself a lot. It doesn't have to be all the time, but like you could say a more feminine name at Starbucks for instance, and once you hear them calling out the name you've chosen, you might feel a sense of euphoria. 

Best of luck to you!

[Natalie86]

3 hours ago, Jani said:

Hi Natalie, 

Finding a good counselor is somewhat easier now that we have a Resources link you can search.  Also this is a good place.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/transgender/nc/fayetteville?sid=1532098477.196_21132

 

Jani

 

Thanks Jani I will be looking at this!

[Natalie86]

2 hours ago, Kirsten said:

Hey Natalie,

You can try doing some smaller things while you are out. From piercing your ears maybe? Or undergarments? A new hairstyle or some androgynous clothing? These things all helped me before I started transitioning. Heck they still help me now! I just don’t have to be so secretive anymore. ?

Kirsten

Hi Kristen

 

      I have pierced my ears before, I did it myself, the holes have since closed but I loved wearing earrings around the house. Especially dangly ones :). I do shave my legs regularly, it has become part of my routine. All my life I have struggled with my weight wich has left me with boobs. While they are not as firm or as sensitive as a womans they are mine. I wear a sports bra daily for support and love it! Unfortunately I started balding in my early twenties. I do miss my long hair somedays. All of these things do help me feel happy throughout the day. I am thinking of replacing all of my male underwear whith panties, I find them so much more comfortable than mens undies.

[Natalie86]

2 hours ago, TheJudeResistance said:

Hi Natalie! 

Have you tried seeing how you feel by dressing a bit more "feminine" when you're out and about? Like Kirsten said, you could start with little things that maybe only you would know about like underwear, shaved legs, jewelry, a little bit of nude makeup. Those sorts of things. 

You haven't mentioned if you feel any dysphoria towards your name, but I know when I first started to realise I was non-binary, that going by a different name helped with my dysphoria towards myself a lot. It doesn't have to be all the time, but like you could say a more feminine name at Starbucks for instance, and once you hear them calling out the name you've chosen, you might feel a sense of euphoria. 

Best of luck to you!

Hi ,

Thats whats weird I don't mind my male name but to be called Natalie or Ma'am would make my day. Someone once called me Ma'am by mistake and it felt right. I wish I could wear makeup  but at my job I almost always end up sweating so I don't think that would work

Thanks Natalie