Looking for Enlightenment

[IanGarrett]

Hello! My preferred name is Ian, and I have been publicly out to everyone in my life as a transgender male for a bit over a year now. The reason I marked my gender on this forum as questioning, is because that's what I have been feeling lately. For many years of my life, I thought that living as a man would make me more comfortable in my own skin. To some extent, it has. So many facets of my confidence and personality have been positively affected by the change, so I don't think I made a mistake. However, I do wonder (and worry) if maybe I chose to label myself as a transgender male without considering all the other possible options.

 

When I realized that the word I felt best described my sexuality was pansexual, I decided to instead just tell certain people in my life that I was bisexual. Even though I know pansexuality is a fairly common and real thing, I knew that bisexuality would already be complicated and "weird" enough to most of the people in my life without having to teach them something new in the process of coming out to them. I feel like maybe I have a fear of being seen as part of the way older people in my area and in my family describe "kids these days" with their made up classifications and problems. It's been over a year and my mom still can't wrap her head around whether she is supposed to call me a transgender male or a transgender female, because she can't seem to drop the concept of "female" when addressing me. She thinks that I am transgender and I am a female, so therefore I am a transgender female. So. That's the kind of family I deal with.

 

I live in a fairly small city with some LGBTQ+ resources and a small social scene, but still, the perception most people here have is that there are gays, lesbians and trans. Nothing else exists here in terms of acceptance or being able to find others who relate. I feel like coming out as transmasculine would have people just look at me like I'm an alien, but as time goes by, I start to feel like trans male really might not be correct for me. 

 

I am scared of coming out AGAIN after having already done so as bisexual, and then as transgender. My family tolerates me and they make some attempts to show support in their own ways, but they're definitely already confused and uncomfortable. 

 

It is so weird being "out", but also feeling like I am still in the closet. It makes me worry that I will never be able to find a way to be comfortable. I am hoping that meeting some of you will help me figure out how to navigate this. 

 

 

[MaryEllen]

Hello Ian,

Welcome to TransPulse.   Thank you for sharing with us and if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask.

 

MaryEllen

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Ian. I empathize with what you're going through right now.  A lot of people know, or think they know, all about the LGBT community and are familiar with common terms like gay and trans.  But anything in between or outside the box confuses them (and sometimes even me, sad to say).  I know there are people here with common experiences and outlook, and i hope that you find them in time.  Check out the different forums, and you'll find a place that fits.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[tracy_j]

Hi Ian,

 

Welcome ?

 

I think people become confused with most things that are different from the norm. I find they usually make their assumptions, based on their own experiences and upbringing, and often subconsiously refuse to accept anything that does not fall into line.

 

Tracy

[Charlize]

Welcome Ian.  Spend some time here sharing and reading about how others are identifying and how they feel about their gender.  While there is actually a rainbow in gender issues much as there is in sexuality perhaps there is less of a reason for fitting into any category.  If i simply use the term trans* ( with an *) it covers all.  I'm comfortable with that.  I don't need more of a label at this point in my life.   

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Ian,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you found us!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

14 hours ago, IanGarrett said:

When I realized that the word I felt best described my sexuality was pansexual, I decided to instead just tell certain people in my life that I was bisexual. Even though I know pansexuality is a fairly common and real thing, I knew that bisexuality would already be complicated and "weird" enough to most of the people in my life without having to teach them something new in the process of coming out to them

 

Hello Ian.  Remember that gender and sexuality are different.  For example my gender changed but my sexuality didn't.  You don't have to go about advertising changes.  You present male.  That's enough.  When you look for companionship you are free to look broadly.  

 

Take a look at this.  https://sway.com/rOEAyE8NkfPwYqCK  While it is written by and about a woman the concept applies.  maybe this or something like it would help your mother wrap her head around the changes.  

 

Jani