Losing Joey Finding Amy

[Amy joey]

My story probably like most of yours but thought maybe it would be good to talk about it I spent most of my childhood playing dress up with my sister and when I got older I started wearing with my mom dresses and bra putting on her makeup I'm just walking around the house when nobody was home I got caught a few times I remember the last time my dad caught me he spanked me made me go into my room and did not talk to me for about a week so I started hiding it but then in 7th grade Spirit Week Monday all the guy is supposed to wear a dress so I spent my allowance I'm buying one I got up the next morning I was so excited that I got to where is a dress to  school i I had shoes underwear and a bra came out of my room and got yelled at bye my parents they made me go in my room and change it would not let me leave the house like that I remember you're sitting on my bed crying that was about the first time I realize that I wasn't supposed to have these thoughts and desires are at least that's what my parents told me I just threw it all out my window and pick it up you can even my book bag you changed when I got to school I hid it from everybody from that point on till I was about 19 then I got access to the internet I started realizing that there was other people like me and then I wasn't crazy. When I was about 20 I started going out of town for the weekend and buying clothes and breast forms and makeup and a wig I would just go to town where nobody knows me get motel room at first I just stayed in my room dressing up then I started going out go shopping out to eat do things that I could never do in my own town then some guys saw me I was walking back to my motel room jump me and decided to beat me up I just got to where I never left the house as a girl after that I started getting into drugs and alcohol well I guess you could say I started getting into it worse than what I already was got real bad when I checked into rehab and now I've been drug-free for now 11 years tried telling myself that I would just grow out of it and then I ended up meeting wife 5 years ago there's a lot of little things I left out but no the older I get it the more I realize it's not a silly phrase I'm going through I am a woman I will always be a woman regardless what I look like on the outside for about the last year it's all I can think about I see women and I find myself thinking I wish that was me thanks for listening there's a lot more to it I'm just trying to put it out there in a nutshell LOL I am just really glad I found this place it's nice if nothing else just to read everybody's post realize you're going through the same thing I am? sincerely Amy

[Charlize]

Welcome Amy.  Your story sounds similar to many I have read including my own.  Congratulations on 11 years of sobriety.  And congratulations on your voyage of self discovery.  I would suggest you see a gender therapist.  Doing that and reading and posting here helped me a great deal.

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Amy joey]

 

Thank you so much

[Rowan]

Welcome Amy! So happy you found this place! 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Any,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you've found us!

 

Congrat's on 11 years clean! 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Hello Amy.  Thanks for sharing.  And congratulations on eleven years of clarity!

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Amy. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Hugs, 

Brandi

[Lexi]

Welcome Amy, 

 

  Your story so similar yet very unique. Congrats on all you've accomplished and for finding you! I hope to hear more as you continue your journey! 

 

Lexi, 

 xoxo

[Amy joey]

 

Thank you so much

[jae bear]

  Hi Amy, I’m so glad you found this place too! Your story is familiar, many of us have done and thought the same things but your story is unique in its own way and your experiences have brought you to this place in your life  where you recognize the need for change.  I got caught by my parents in a few similar situations but I never got to go to school  dressed as a girl, I really regret not having done that. A friend of mine surprised me in eighth grade and dressed up on Halloween as a girl, I did not recognize him at all and was completely shocked when he told me it was him. I was so jealous I nearly cried in the boys bathroom. It takes great courage to admit these things yourself let alone tell other people,  you are clearly an amazing woman and have a bright future ahead of you, I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.  I would like to congratulate you on your 11 years of sobriety, that all by itself is an amazing task, one you should be very proud of!

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

[Adaline]

Hi Amy,

 

Thanks for sharing your experience.  It really resonated with me.  Most parents want what’s best for their kids but in zeal, they sometimes do more harm than good.  One of the first therapists I saw said something that connected with me.  He said that as a child you had all these feelings and when you reached out for help you got punished.  I don’t expect that every parent to be happy that their child is trans but I wish they would at least listen.  My experience of being caught by my parents was not nearly as traumatic as yours but it drove me into hiding.  I spent most of my life hiding, until like you, it lead to serious substance abuse. I know that those on this forum are willing to help, they have helped me so much.  Please keep coming back, you don’t have to hide here.

 

hugs 

Adaline

[Amy joey]

1 hour ago, Adaline said:

Hi Amy,

 

Thanks for sharing your experience.  It really resonated with me.  Most parents want what’s best for their kids but in zeal, they sometimes do more harm than good.  One of the first therapists I saw said something that connected with me.  He said that as a child you had all these feelings and when you reached out for help you got punished.  I don’t expect that every parent to be happy that their child is trans but I wish they would at least listen.  My experience of being caught by my parents was not nearly as traumatic as yours but it drove me into hiding.  I spent most of my life hiding, until like you, it lead to serious substance abuse. I know that those on this forum are willing to help, they have helped me so much.  Please keep coming back, you don’t have to hide here.

 

hugs 

Adaline

Thank you so much I have learned a lot from this site in just a short amount of time I have been on it and it's because of wonderful people like you

 

Sincerely Amy