Will I Be Able To?

[mochi90]

I think I may be in a situation that is unique to some of you because I techinically live in a mental health facility. Right now, I live in a supervised apartment for the mentally ill, but by the end of the month I will be transferred to a group home for the mentally ill. This is because I struggle with borderline personality disorder, among other illnesses. Part of being borderline means suffering from brief psychotic episodes during periods of severe stress. That is why I going back to a group home.

 

I am really afraid that once I get there, the staff will not acknowledge my true name or pronouns. But more importantly, I am afraid that I will be kept from attending LGBT therapy and will not be allowed to transition. I understand that I may have to wait longer than others to transition in order for the doctors to ensure I am mentally stable enough. Honestly, though, I just want to know that it is possible. I can't keep living like this anymore, pretending to be someone else. I need to feel like the real me. 

[LittleRed]

mochi90,

 

My oldest daughter also has BPD and some other challenges. I see the pain she goes through and have shed a lot of tears for her. We've been through a lot even though she is only 15 (soon to be 16). As her father, I am trying to give her all the support she needs so she can get through her personal struggles and gain inner strength. I'd give anything to help her escape the daily distress pain she goes through.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for your need but I felt the need to say that I hope for you the same thing I hope for my daughter, which is to be free from this and to live a fulfilling life of joy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I hope you find it soon.

 

Jen

[Jani]

Hi Mochi.  Good news on your upcoming move.  I would discuss this concern of yours with the staff to ensure your needs are met.  You are still young so a short delay will not be bad as long as you are focusing on your overall health.   It sounds like you certainly are focused on the future!   You are real.  We know it.

 

Hugs, Jani

[mochi90]

After I posted this, I received a phone call from an LGBT therapist that I contacted. She said that while she is happy to see me as a patient, she doesn't think she can write me a letter approving me for HRT because of my mental health issues. She told me to go to Planned Parenthood instead before we go any further. 

 

I'm so upset, you guys. I feel like all my hope for the future has just been ripped out from under me. 

[Jani]

That's not bad news.  At least she is being honest with what she can do.  NY is an Informed Consent state so you don't need letters to proceed.  It was written into law in 2015.  Planned Parenthood is a source many use. 

 

https://www.nysenate.gov/legislation/bills/2015/s1424

 

Jani

[ChickenLittle]

I just talked to somebody today who gets his meds through Planned Parenthood and says it's been great. I can imagine how that conversation must have been distressing but hope is not lost!

[JBfox]

 While I was living in NY I was also using PP for my transition services. It worked out pretty well! So if it's an option you have you can definitely take advantage of it.

-Vaelyn

[mochi90]

Ok, so I've taken some time and decided to look at this setback as maybe a good thing. Like I get that I wanna transition, but I was just in the hospital in March and I still need to get my meds in order. That doesn't mean I have to stop transitioning socially or come out on social media if I want to. It just means I need to take step back, focus on educating myself, and learn to manage my dysphoria so it doesn't become overwhelming like it has been. 

 

Thanks for all the support, guys. 

[Jani]

This is a good approach Mochi.  I'm glad you are taking the long view.  Slowing down is not stopping.  Taking time to reevaluate and reset your plan is wise.  We are always here to talk to.  

 

Jani

[mochi90]

I wanted to update you guys and let you know that I contacted my local Planned Parenthood. They said they would see me, but they don't accept my insurance and want me to pay $300 out of pocket for a mental evaluation. They said I could also try to switch up my Medicaid plan to a health care plan they accept, but if I do that I won't be able to see the LGBT therapist I've been in contact with. So I'm not really sure what to do except to call the therapist and see if she is willing to see me after my interaction with Planned parenthood. She seemed reluctant last time I spoke with her. If you guys have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. 

[Charlize]

I would certainly speak to the therapist and see what she says.  It may well be that the Planned Parenthood path is the best.  Unfortunately there is no way to really know from where i sit.  Have you looked into the health care plans they accept?  It might be worth doing that.  That plan might also cover another gender therapist.   That might be a good step for now.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[mochi90]

I am probably gonna end up refiling my Medicaid and going with the plan the lady from Planned Parenthood recommended. For some reason, though, none of the LGBT therapists in my area wanna accept insurance. They all wanna be paid in cash. 

 

I wanna apologize if it seems like I am rushing into things. I know I said I will take things slow and I plan to. Therapy is still my first priority, but from what I've read online, transitioning could alleviate a lot of my mental health issues (anxiety and depression). So I'm really eager for that. 

[Kirsten]

I am not sure if this is possible or not, but one therapist I saw early this year who was out of my coverage told me about a process you can go through to claim a hardship to see someone out of network. Assuming there are no gt in your area that are covered. It’s something at least to look into. My insurance said no but she told me she had other patients that were able to get reimbursed. 

Hope that helps

Kirsten

[mochi90]

On 8/17/2018 at 8:41 AM, Kirsten said:

I am not sure if this is possible or not, but one therapist I saw early this year who was out of my coverage told me about a process you can go through to claim a hardship to see someone out of network. Assuming there are no gt in your area that are covered. It’s something at least to look into. My insurance said no but she told me she had other patients that were able to get reimbursed. 

Hope that helps

Kirsten

 

Thank you. I will keep this in mind. 

 

I spoke to the therapist, and she wants me to call her back in two weeks to schedule an appointment in October because her office is in the process of moving. She also said that if I want to refile my Medicaid, October would be the time to do it, but she wouldn't be able to accept my new insurance. I am thinking that I want to wait to refile my Medicaid because I am planning on coming out soon, and I want to deal with the emotional backlash from that. I'm pretty sure my mother will disown me when she finds out, and I know I will need time to recover from that before I rush into anything. 

 

I told one of my friends that I am planning on coming out, and he seems upset with me. He is not transphobic, but he is a supporter of RLE therapy. He thinks I should be made to live as male before I say for certain that I'm trans or not. I don't really know how to respond to that, but I don't want him to be upset with me. 

[DenimAndLace]

I'm late to this thread but I've read everything and I understand your frustrations. Similar frustrations are behind me but I can certainly relate.  You have to keep pushing things along, just as you're doing - that's the sad reality of our treatment in this era.  Nothing comes easy.   However, it's important to think about all the things you CAN do right now while you push the things you have less control over.  Such things as hair style, clothing, asking friends to use your preferred name and pronouns and officially "coming out". Most reasonable psychologists will consider the day you do those things the starting point of your RLE rather than the day you first met them.  Be yourself starting now.    Best wishes!

[Jani]

10 hours ago, mochi90 said:

I told one of my friends that I am planning on coming out, and he seems upset with me.

This is his issue to work through, not yours!   You are just being you.

 

10 hours ago, mochi90 said:

He is not transphobic, but he is a supporter of RLE therapy.

Well maybe he is a little.  Is he a doctor or therapist?  He cannot possibly know what YOU need to be happy.  That is up to you.  

 

Unfortunately I have found that a number of therapists don't take insurance or are limited in who they do take.  A good friend's counselor doesn't take any insurance.   I had a different plan last year and wasn't covered with my therapist so I paid out of pocket.  This year I was OK again.  I can be maddening.  Hang in there.  

 

Jani

[mochi90]

5 hours ago, Jani said:

This is his issue to work through, not yours!   You are just being you.

 

Well maybe he is a little.  Is he a doctor or therapist?  He cannot possibly know what YOU need to be happy.  That is up to you.  

 

Unfortunately I have found that a number of therapists don't take insurance or are limited in who they do take.  A good friend's counselor doesn't take any insurance.   I had a different plan last year and wasn't covered with my therapist so I paid out of pocket.  This year I was OK again.  I can be maddening.  Hang in there.  

 

Jani

My friend is a medic in the army. I'm not sure if that entails the same training as a doctor or not. I believe he thinks he wants what is best for me, but as you said, only I can know what that is. And I know I can't keep this secret. 

 

I will probably be seeing a counselor in addition to the therapist. Plus my other doctors. Like I said, right now I wish to focus on transitioning socially. I believe the therapist said I have until January to refile my Medicaid, so I may look into doing that and maybe start HRT in the new year. Right now, though, I want to focus on getting my name and pronouns recognized. 

 

I found out I will be going to look at the new group home this Friday. I plan on discussing with the manager the issue of my name and pronouns, and my current counselor said she would call ahead to address the issue. I'm really worried they won't want me in the house once they find out I am trans. 

[Jani]

No an Army Medic is not a doctor, otherwise they would be called such.  He may want the best for you, but on his terms.  

 

5 hours ago, mochi90 said:

I'm really worried they won't want me in the house once they find out I am trans. 

Try to be positive in all things.  How you present and carry yourself speaks volumes.

 

Jani

[mochi90]

I spoke to my worker today and found out I will be moving to the group home on the 29. My worker assured me that, even though they have never had a transgender person in a group home before, it would not be issue with the new staff I will be working with. My worker also agreed with my plan to attend therapy until I am in a better place to start HRT and put down my new LGBT therapist as my specialist. 

[Jani]

Very good news Mochi!  You are certainly moving in a positive direction. 

 

Cheers! 
Jani

[ChickenLittle]

It sounds like you're doing a great job advocating for yourself! Keep us updated on how things go. 

[mochi90]

Had an anxiety attack this morning, and my worker threatened to send me to the psych ward over it. Knowing it was an anxiety attack. Like, seriously, at least the last worker who threatened with the psych ward over an anxiety attack had the good sense to think I was having a mental breakdown. And they wonder why I'm so stressed out. 

 

Anyway, I came out on another website and received messages stating I cannot identify as male if I haven't transitioned yet. Then my friend in the British army, who after of days insisting that I am not actually trans, suggested that I am being forced back to a group home against my will because I am mentally unwell. He also now sees me as an enemy because I identify as trans and I guess the army is making him fill out a mountain paperwork saying he recognizes third and fourth genders. 

 

For the record, however, I asked to be sent back to a group home following a psychotic episode I had in March. I'm aware that I'm going backwards, but I'm also self-aware enough to know that I need help. So yeah....

 

Thanks for the support, guys. 

[Jani]

18 minutes ago, mochi90 said:

Anyway, I came out on another website and received messages stating I cannot identify as male if I haven't transitioned yet.

I would avoid sites like this.  The people there are not interested in your well being.  You are who you are.  No one can say otherwise.  

 

Jani

[JBfox]

Hi Mochi!

 I hope you're starting to feel better from this morning. While I've never been in your situation I understand it can be hard. Hang in there and stay strong! I do think it's probably for the best and smart move to stay with you're therapist before moving onto HRT through PP if PP is going to give you a little more hassle over it. I know that the entire process can be riddled with impatience once you decide you actually want to transition and there's always a lot of waiting involved.

 I agree with Jani, and would avoid that website if you can. There is a fraction of the community that serious only believes trans-ness comes from meds, and dysphoria. That you're choosing to socially transition before  medically doing so is your choice, and no one should take that from you.

 As for your army friend, it happens. I maintained a ton of my army friends when I finally came out to them, and I lost a few, and some others still are "in" my life but we never talk. That's just how it is. People get frustrated and confused and it takes a lot of time to process information you've given them that you've already had a long time to think about. I also wouldn't worry about his comments on RLE. Again it's your choice. Personally I chose to wait till my one year mark of HRT and when I was super comfortable before going into my RLE. It's up to you and what you think feels right.

 Again I hope you're doing well, and that things will eventually work themselves out in your favor

-Vaelyn

[mochi90]

To be fair, the website where I received those messages is a gaming forum, full of younger users. I took a risk by coming out there. 

 

As for the rest, I know for a fact that I want to transition and pass as male. I am transitioning socially as a nessecity, so I will be one step closer to HRT. 

 

I am upset that I lost a friend, but I understand that these things happen. And it's not my fault.