Does the Hurt ever go away

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

So just wanted to share that I have finally share my awesome news with my mom on my name change and how excited I am.  Her response back to me was I hope that you are happy cause I tycially now only have 1 son and 1 daughter.  She was referring to my brother and sister and does not even congratulate me or anything and does not acknowledge me as her daughter.  That really hurt me when she did that.  At the same time, I am not looking forward to this holiday season.  I doubt that I will be invited to any of my family house for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  So it is something I am going to have to look forward to and that is being alone.  Does this type of hurt ever go away?

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[Charlize]

I'm sorry you got such a backhanded acceptance Amy.  Please don't get a feeling that things will never change.  I know that if i had concentrated on the negative responses i received to start i would have crawled back into a hole and gone back to a hell of hiding.  Attitudes do change.  Those who turned their backs on me embrace me again today.  Things will never be the same but at the same time from my side of the world they are better than ever.  Openness and honesty are often difficult but also free me to work towards my own self acceptance.  

You are not alone in your feelings.  The hurt does change, weaken and with luck fade away.  

 

Hugs and a shoulder,

 

Charlize

[jae bear]

 Hi Amy, 

 I’m so sorry to hear of your mothers reaction, very unfair if you ask me. I am finding that our loved ones quite often feel personally put off  by our act of transition, even though it has nothing to do with them personally.  Hopefully time will change this, and I am finding that my holiday season will be spent more at friends houses than with family this year, those who  really support you will make their presence known during this difficult time. Families often take time to come around, and their shortsighted lack of invitation will backfire on them when they realize they miss you and that you have other things to do with wonderful friends who actually support you the way ones own family should...  there is still time between here and the holiday events of the coming season, I am hoping that things change between here and there for you and that your family comes to their senses. At the very least you might find that your friends will be showing you love and support that you didn’t even know you had.

 Hugs, 

Jackie

[Jani]

Amy I'm sorry to hear your mother has reacted like this.  I can't add much more than what Charlize and Jackie have written.  We're here for you.

 

Jani

[KymmieL]

Your Moms reaction may be from shock and confusion. Hopefully it will fade as time goes by. I would just keep the relationship of Mother and child going. Be yourself when around her. Hopefully she will realize that you did make the correct decision and are happier now being who you truly are. 

 

Kymmie

[BrandiBri]

Amy, it's unfortunate that your mother feels the way she does, but please don't let it get you down.I truly understand the hurt you are feeling, as I have a daughter that is not accepting of my transition. Those who are the closest to us have the hardest time adjusting to the change that we are going through. When I began my transition, I told myself that I would accept any consequence, but it is hard to accept rejection. My choice is to give her time and in the meantime pray that her attitude will change. Please don't dwell on the hurt, instead remember that you are a beautiful person that is now living as your true self. That is what is the most important aspect of your transition.

Hang in there, sweetheart, things are going to be ok.

 

Big Hugs,

Brandi

 

[Rachael]

Sorry to hear your mother doesn’t accept you. Hopefully time will help out. Remember things are better for you that is what counts. Happy holidays. 

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

Thank you for all your help and support.  There are times now that I think about just selling my house and moving else where to start my new life and to in a sense to just go into hiding and get away from all this social media and cell phones and everything just live somewhere to be me and just go into hiding.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[Jani]

Amy I understand the desire to strike out anew but sometimes what we have is worth the effort.  Sometimes when we move we can't escape and we just take our troubles along.  You can find "family" anywhere.  They are the people that love you for who you are.  Unfortunately some families by birth are not accepting.  I know some who have been totally abandoned who have found love and friendship in others. I'm not saying this is your situation but we cannot change others unless they want to change.  Be the best person we see you are and hopefully your family will come along to see this.   I agree that limiting "social media" is a good thing!  

 

Hugs, Jani

[VickySGV]

On 9/6/2018 at 4:30 AM, Amy LeBlanc said:

I doubt that I will be invited to any of my family house for Thanksgiving or Christmas. 

 

A very common thing in the Trans and LGB communities is for Chosen Families to develop since all too many people have birth families that put distance from them.  Even though I am not totally disowned in my family, the few remaining members no longer celebrate with each other due to age and distance difficulties, so since my fully coming out I have been both guest and co-hostess at one or more of the Chosen Family celebrations which are indeed the happy and jolly holiday celebrations that are truly in the spirit of the seasons.  Many Trans people who are accepted in their families invite their Trans brothers and sisters to join with theirs.  My Trans Chorus has two of our members whose families let us know weeks before that any of us are welcome to join them, and the love is real. 

[Kirsten]

That’s awful Amy. So sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember that you are a strong beautiful wonderful woman! Don’t let others, even close others, knock you down. They don’t deserve that kind of power. 

Kirsten