Wanting a friend to understand me...

[elizabeth22]

I woke up today refreshed.  Finally and slowly accepting things has helped me regain a descent sleep schedule like REAL quick.  However this whole thing has me in a delimna.  I'm JAMMED in the system where when i was in the shelters, i would flip out in the middle of the night and leave.  

 

Metrocare / mental health services was asking why i wasnt staying on site because i had a case worker that said i was missing my appointments... and i said... honestly all that testoserone in that room makes me uncomfortable.  You should of saw her face

Next thing i know im getting what everyone called... Oh look at the lady gettting extra atention because the elderly and the ... few people LGBT there accepted me.  of course i did my best to regain some compuser.

So i got to ask to speak to a therapist whenever she was available. but then .. i firgured i didnt want to stomache it... too many people saying things in the shelter... but she asked.  so what pronouns do you prefer?

At this point i slammed my head on her table... like HARD and started crying.

with me leaving the site still, but being welcomed back in... being hospitalized becasue now DPD has me on flight / suicide risk... bc... i was kinda unstable... bad.

then i got put on IOP and they found a boarding home owner that happens to be accepting of LGBT, which i didnt understand why this boarding home was ... so different until a few weeks back he got me to calm down... because he said, either im taking you or the police are taking you.

of course i rather him take me because of issues i have with the police... them being aggressive with their handcuffs and all...

so i actually opened up to him... which he said, "You know God still loves you" after i opened up.... (btw he is gay but goes to a church that is big in dallas about accepting people in the LGBT community).  Of course after he said that , i didnt say anything and just stared out the window.

 

----

[elizabeth22]

But I have been hospitalized a second time after i got home... only because the manager on site... wouldnt do his job and get up from his STUPID GAME... to OPEN THE CLOSET... and GET MY MEDS...

the same dude that strangled me , yelled at me, and put me in a chole hold when i was sayying i am done and just want to die

You -vagina-.

of course at this time i didn't know he knew that i was transgender....

 

------

[elizabeth22]

However i am really concenred about my housing issue now because im paranoid about leaving the money order i got out because last night someone moved my wallet.  I still had the money order but when i text the owner he doesn't respond now.

 

and he is talking about closing the house down.

 

and i stayed in other boarding homes and shelters where other men would put their hands on me and i would shhrug them off... and they would be like "whats wrong dude, you a fruitcake.." and some like got verbally agressive, another tried to rob me... idk... im paranoid about my city... paranoid about my life... have isolated from my old life because ALL OF THEM ARE SO F*CKING RELIGIOUS it drove me nuts and i knew NONE of them wouldnt understand

 

I tried a roommate site but it wont let me tdo much.... idk

 

I want to find a roomate... and at this point ill move ANYWHERE

i just cant drie and need access to public transit

but ANYWHERE at the point because i want a friend that will hug me when im crying... and the ONLY friend i have that sorta understands because he is gay..... he is not much of the hugging type

i knw wthat when girls found out in the past... they were huggers and ... idk...

I want a real genuine person in my life because i... idk.. 

my insides are shaking and im doing anything they tell me... take my meds as perscribed but all i want is to have a friend to live with thaat knows the emptiness.. the resent ment and say its okay, you still matter....

[elizabeth22]

However i am really concenred about my housing issue now because im paranoid about leaving the money order i got out because last night someone moved my wallet.  I still had the money order but when i text the owner he doesn't respond now.

 

and he is talking about closing the house down.

 

and i stayed in other boarding homes and shelters where other men would put their hands on me and i would shhrug them off... and they would be like "whats wrong dude, you a fruitcake.." and some like got verbally agressive, another tried to rob me... idk... im paranoid about my city... paranoid about my life... have isolated from my old life because ALL OF THEM ARE SO F*CKING RELIGIOUS it drove me nuts and i knew NONE of them wouldnt understand

 

I tried a roommate site but it wont let me tdo much.... idk

 

I want to find a roomate... and at this point ill move ANYWHERE

i just cant drie and need access to public transit

but ANYWHERE at the point because i want a friend that will hug me when im crying... and the ONLY friend i have that sorta understands because he is gay..... he is not much of the hugging type

i knw wthat when girls found out in the past... they were huggers and ... idk...

I want a real genuine person in my life because i... idk.. 

 

 

-------------

 

Interesting just before i was about to post this... one of my clinics i was leaving because they said they had no therapist for me called me bc they wanted to reschedule ... i said i went to parkland to talk to someone... but i mentioned how i felt like a nobody now... so dont use sir ma'am, anything.. and they are like oh no.. we take your insurance now hhow its setup as well.... and i talked with a counselor sorta... and she was like... you can see someone monday at 1030 wll that work? what is it... firday? wow... thats a new way of getting an appointment.  call when im crying ass i type this and they call.....