Struggling With Powerlessness

[Timber Wolf]

Hi everyone,

I finished my online meeting tonight feeling pretty good. Then I got an email from my oldest sister Lin, and it made me wish I could attend another recovery meeting again. 

 

She announced that she had just married a man named Ed. She had told me a couple weeks earlier that they planned to marry again. It would be her 3rd time marrying this man. I had hoped it would be cancelled, but now it's happened.

 

Obviously I don't like the marriage. You see, Ed was the most self centered sexist man I've ever encountered. Ed has never wanted a partner, but rather a servant. 

 

About a year ago, my sister lost her husband of that time to kidney failure. She was lonely and afraid she would remain alone. Now she's gone back to Ed, who ran her to exhaustion last time. Ed expects everyone else to serve him, especially women.

 

My dad hated Ed. He said he even preferred Harold, another former husband who was a crack addict and got Lin into deep financial trouble. Ed was bad. Neither of my other sisters like Ed either. At an xmas family gathering at my sister Kris's house Ed broke and spilled a glass of wine and said, "Oh, it's ok, Kris will clean it up". He never made the slightest attempt to clean his own mess. He also carelessly allowed my Siberian Husky to get out. I had to run out and catch my Husky. Ed just stood there laughing, saying it wasn't his fault. He's had Huskies before and knows they will run.

 

Once while visiting my dad, Ed's daughter was to be picked up half way across the state in Lansing. He got up and told Lin it was time for her to drive to Lansing to get his daughter, he was going home to take a nap. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, dumbfounded at his audacity. This was the kind of person Ed was. He ran Lin so exhausted she had to leave him.

 

Now he's back, and I'm having difficulty accepting that I'm powerless. My sister has the right to make her own choices in life. I have no right to tell her no. It's not my place to do so. But it's difficult. I see no good coming from this. I guess acceptance will take a few days here.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

 

 

[VickySGV]

A triple round of the Serenity Prayer with emphasis on the Accept the things I cannot change" part of it for sure.  You have the power over your own health and spiritual safety, and that is about it.  Pray for your own peace and willingness to hold out your heart for her as long as it takes, and make your life the best you can.  

[Charlize]

I am sorry you are going through all of this Wolf.  Vicky has suggested exactly what i would suggest as well.  Please  keep reaching out as you need to.  I know it sounds odd, or at least it did when it was mentioned to me, but you might try praying for him as well.  Not that he will change but you might feel a bit better.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

I'm sorry you are stressing over this Carla.  But it her choice to make.  She is an adult and despite being afraid of being alone she made the decision this guy was good enough.  Maybe she needs to be like she is, that is have someone "depend" upon her even if it is a sham.   Unfortunately this may not end well and she will need support from your family so don't abandon her.  But keep your distance from Ed.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[tracy_j]

I am sorry to hear Carla. I pretty much agree with Jani. Be there for her, but keep away from being in the middle of things. If your sister gets to a point where she cannot cope, at least she will know she is not alone.

 

Tracy

[doni]

What if all fails...That is to say, the dark of dope is stronger than any will i may have of support...The power of addictions are keeping me at flight even for this moment here...Not a cry for help...Yet...Total lockdown seems the only way...I always have the damn key...And my dark is already threatening, ("u will not be back for the offer of support help  given.

"..........(doper's cross 2 bear, there are two of us and, the good ain't strong.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi doni,

A cry for help is the only way to escape the cycle of addiction. Countless times I had tried to overcome my addiction myself, and just as many times I had failed. Frequent was the morning I would wake up and swear, "never again," but never didn't last very long. It wasn't until I sought help and found Narcotics Anonymous that I was finally able to break that cycle. I learned that it wasn't alone that I could recover, but together with other recovering addicts. When I first sought help I had no idea if it would do any good at all. I only knew that I was desperate, and that none of my own ways would work. My only chance was to try someone elses way.

 

Here I am, 12 years later. I haven't taken an intoxicating substance in all 12 years! Before I often couldn't put 12 hours together, now I'm clean for 12 years! I did it one day at a time, together with my friends in NA & AA.

 

If you are ready to try to break the cycle of addiction, Google Narcotics Anonymous. There web site will give you information and resources and meeting lists. I encourage you to give it a try, even if you can't imagine it doing any good. Work it, it works if you work it, and it won't if you don't. So work it, you're worth it.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf?

[onaquest]

Wow, it's been awhile, but when I read your last post Carla I couldn't help but think of the reading "We do Recover"