Guilt over fertility

[Naomi Knowles]

This is probably more something I should take up with a counsellor but it's a trite irony that they are themselves a cost, which is something I'm a little worked up over at this moment in time. I feel the need to sound off more than anything over some self-inflicted mental abuse. Normally I'd sit on it, ignore things that cause me issues and let it fester, but not talking to people about things that cause me worry/stress, is the thing that stopped me from acknowledging myself until recently (amongst other resulting mental health issues). And so I make a stand against it now before it overwhelms me.

 

I'm not quite on HRT just yet, but I will be in the next few months.

 

 

 

I discovered today the NHS will not store sperm on my behalf, which is fair enough, but leaves me at the mercy of private clinics. Clinics cost an absolute bomb for less-than-ideal successful live-birth rates from samples, and yet I feel an unspoken expectation from myself to continue my family line, where others in my (known) family tree cannot/ will not (for reasons that would be improper of me to discuss here).

 

My mother has made it clear that she is indifferent about grandchildren, and is more concerned by the sky-high costs of private storage. So there's no real pressure to go ahead with storage there. Bless her.

 

A "good" deal from Manchester Fertility is 3 samples, 2 years storage and the virology for £850. Which wouldn't be a problem if facial electrolysis and house bills didn't also exist.

 

 

 

 

Is it selfish of me to assume that burden of continuing my family lineage, rolling the dice on sub-par success chances on 2-3 samples? Or to shrug and discard my ability to create new spawn by putting my transitioning above all other things?

[Jani]

Naomi only you can decide how important this is.  The sample number seems low to me but I'm no expert.  The two year time frame for storage is not long, which assumes you will be ready and willing to make a decision in a relatively short period of time.  This seems unreasonable to me.  

 

Something else to consider about passing your lineage is what if you had a female child?  Your name would most likely not be passed on in the event they ever decided to have children.  My son has daughters.  My lineage but not my name is assured at least today.  I am fine with this as I have no control over it.  Make your peace with whatever you choose.  You can impact those around you, and the future, by being the best person you can be.  

 

All my best to you, 

Jani

[Naomi Knowles]

Hi Jani

 

First 2 years storage is part of the package, I would pay an annual fee for each year after that up to a max of 10 years. Percentage of live-birth rates is the statistic to watch out for, and it seems to hover between 30-35% for samples taken before the age of 30 (depending on an exhaustive list of variables and choice of treatment). But by itself a single sample for storage may set me back around £200-300 a pop. Storage fee I believe would remain the same whether I have 1 sample or 20 samples.

 

The pessimist in me is confident I won't find myself in a position to actually use them in that time. But assuming I did, as long as any children I might have bear my (genetic) insignia, they can take whatever family name they please
 

 

Part of me wonders: just who am I trying to impress/please?

There's no real pressure from my family for grandchildren, who have been unanimously supportive of me and my desire to transition. I mean, unless I ponied up thousands more £££ to 'help' them along IF the time came to call upon them, a few samples unassisted are statistically unlikely to yield desirable results anyway right?

Perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a molehill...?

[Jani]

3 minutes ago, Naomi Knowles said:

Part of me wonders: just who am I trying to impress/please?

This is the question you need to address.  Maybe not "impress", but to "satisfy".  Then, is it necessary?   Maybe you are overthinking this. Only you know. 

 

Jani

[Naomi Knowles]

Will cost a pretty penny, but after sitting on it for a few days: "why not do both?"

If nothing comes of it, least I can say that I gave it a bloody good try. Can't be letting such things hold me back, hah!