Scared to step forward

[Robin]

Hi Jani & Tracy,

 

It is extremely disappointing for me to find that the biggest obstacle that I have encountered since I came out is gaining acceptance from people who must surely have been in a similar position.

 

The main problem that these people seem to have with me is the fact that I haven't been secretly wearing feminine clothing in the past.  I have spent most of my life pretending to be more masculine, in order to try to hide my real identity.  I wanted to be "normal" and to fit in with everybody else.  Nobody has ever heard of someone doing that, and they can't understand it.  Maybe I should have dressed differently, but I did what I thought was best at the time.  With the benefit of hindsight, I am sure that we would all have done lots of things differently.

 

The support group experience has definitely knocked my confidence, just as I was starting to feel positive about myself, but with the help of all the kind people on this forum, I am still moving forward.

 

Robin.

[KymmieL]

Robin, Sad to hear of the objective of that support group. To me I does not sound like a transgender support group as transgender and crossdressing are not the same. It seems like they are conflicted, as one those transitioning is one thing and crossdressing is totally opposite. 

 

Hope the meeting isn't to ridicule you more. You are what you are, doing what you want whether or not you want to transition isn't any ones choice but your own.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[Willow]

Robin,  Certainly if we could jump ahead in time, see what things are like then use that to resume our life, we could all know in advance the potential mistakes we might make and do something different.  But since "Back to the Future" is still fiction, we are stuck here trying to figure this all out.  If I have learned one thing its that there is no one way to be in life.  No right or wrong way to cope.  

 

I for one have fought with myself over wanting to be normal but having unusual or wrong feelings about myself and what made me happy.  These things peaked and I knew I had to get help to figure it out.  Now i know what I've been dealing with and how it messed me up at times.  But one thing I've learned here is that there is no right way or wrong way to be transgendered, or how Gender Dysphoria affects you.  Everyone's story here is different.  

 

Don't let a support group try to dictate to you how you are supposed to act, dress, feel or transition.  They are supposed to be for support, not ridicule.  So, try to find another support group you can go to or find a friend, therapist, some person or group willing to listen and provide feedback without ridicule or telling you you can't be something because you didn't follow some script.  There is no script, this isn't fiction, its life and everyone's is different.

 

Willow

[Jani]

Robin, they are wrong!

11 hours ago, Robin said:

I have spent most of my life pretending to be more masculine, in order to try to hide my real identity.

I believe this is more the norm for us (and trying to be fem for transguys) in "hopes" it will go away or no one will notice us.

 

5 hours ago, Willow said:

I for one have fought with myself over wanting to be normal but having unusual or wrong feelings about myself and what made me happy.

This is the common narrative.

 

5 hours ago, Willow said:

There is no script, this isn't fiction, its life and everyone's is different.

We all follow our own path.  While there are similarities in our stories; our timeframe, pace, and what eases our discomfort are all unique.  Just be you! 

 

Kymmie may be correct in that this is not the group they purport to be and therefore not for you.   Don't fret.  Keep looking. 

 

Cheers, Jani

[Charlize]

 Robin as i read about your feeling about rejection by others with trans issues i remember having had similar feelings after one of the first support groups i attended.  There was certainly a clique that turned it's back on others rather than trying to help.  It seemed there was almost a competition to be the most "trans".  I felt i simply didn't measure up to their expectations.  At the same time i saw possibilities i hadn't known about so in some ways i got a lot out of the experience.  That experience is one reason i enjoy this site.  We are all welcome and can openly discuss issues.

 As to being a masculine as possible.  I was a union laborer on interstate highways before stating my own construction company and was about as butch as anyone i've met.

 We all find ourselves at our own paces and hopefully can grow to accept what we find.  

This cartoon covers me pretty well

[DrumbeatAlex]

Hey Robin,

 

thanks for keeping us updated!

That sounds frustrating that another support group hasn't worked out how you would have wanted. ? I hope your conversation with the person from it goes well though!

 

I think everyones goals in transition are different but mostly we all just want to be happy. If you can learn to accept your body how it is, then that's great. These things aren't simple and I definitely don't think it should be "you were in box A, now you are in box B and you must do everything on this checklist to fit into box B or else we won't accept you". That's silly, do what you need to do to be happy. Nothing more, nothing less. and hopefully you can find some people who think open-mindedly about it who you can share your experience with. I've got to say that is one of the great things about this site: everyone is different and has different plans, but everyone accepts that and supports each other anyway. ❤️ 

 

In other news (update on me), I've seen a couple videos from the support group I'm considering going to and it included people talking about non-binary stuff and it seemed very accepting of the different ways of being trans (not just binary and not just stereotypes). I haven't gone yet because I've been stressed about uni work, busy and questioning myself (yet again). But I think I will go once I finish these next couple assignments. >__<

 

It's great reading everyone's thoughts on support groups and transition.

[Robin]

Hi Everyone,

 

Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement.  I like the Popeye cartoon Charlize.

 

It appears that groups in my area are intended as safe environments for men that cross dress.  I have got nothing against that, except for the fact that they advertise themselves as something completely different.

 

I remember asking why there were no trans men at the meeting.  I was told that a few had turned up in the past, but never returned, because they had nobody to talk to.  They were obviously made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

 

I would love to attend your group Alex, but Australia is rather a long way for me to travel for the evening.

 

Robin.

[Kirsten]

Hey Alex, 

Well it sounds like there may be a need for a trans group in your area. If there were others in the past at these meetings that were made to feel as you were. I don’t know if it would be possible for you, but maybe you could try to find some like minded people nearby and start a group? It is a rather big undertaking I know. And it is a slow process to get members. But it is possible there are others nearby hoping for the same. 

My wife and I started a small online group for transgender and their partners. We had 2 couples and ourselves 4 months ago. We are up to over 20 people now! And trying to plan some events at this point. Maybe something similar would work for you. In the wise words of Rodney copperbottom “see a need fill a need” 

(kids movie “Robots” lol) 

Kirsten 

[Jani]

Wow that is great Kirsten!   Great idea. 

[SugarMagnolia]

I had no idea you'd done that Kirsten. You DO hide your light under a bushel at times! Well done. ❤️

[Kirsten]

Thanks ?

its all about community!