My boyfriend told me he is transgender

[Phoenixrises42016]

I had a boyfriend who revealed to me he is transgender. I accepted it and was totally supportive. He broke up with me and I dont understand why. He is not ready to come out and he told me he couldnt be with me because I "know".I told him I would be with him whether he wants to continue hiding or whether he wants to transition. We are not speaking at this moment mainly because that's what he wants. I tried to reach out to him so much but now I have stopped because now I feel like I am acting desperate.

 

I dont understand why. I thought it would relieve him to know that I know but he told me he cant be with me because I know and he is trying to live a lie and if I'm around I will be a constant reminder of that lie. I really care about him/her..whatever he/she wants me to call him. I just want them and the person inside. 

 

I looked for help online but the only advice I found was for transgenders that got rejected by their partners after their revelation. I am not sure if you have any insight or if you can direct me to somewhere that can help? Also, I apologize in advance if I said something wrong. This is all very new to me and I love my partner. 

[Susan]

Hello, I know it is hard to lose someone you love but here is an idea. Maybe you could give her a little break to get her head clear and in a few weeks approach her and ask her what she really wants. I would also suggest she get into therapy is she isn't already. that might be benificial for both of you to and you can all talk about it. Hope this helps some how. 

 

 

Good luck 

 

Susan

[Phoenixrises42016]

Hi Susan,

 

Thank you. She told me that she does not want to be in a relationship because she can't handle it. She said she is meant to live out her entire life as an unhappy lie and just die alone. 

 

It's hard for me to leave her alone knowing that she feels that way. You are right though. I should respect her wishes. I just dont want to come off as I dont care...

[Phoenixrises42016]

Sorry, I also failed to mention she is showing a lot of anger towards me. Maybe she is just frustrated but I am hesitant to suggest therapy. She told me she is attracted to me and she cares about me so I dont understand why she is rejecting me. 

[Susan]

All I can say is give it time and give her space for now. Things and people do change over time. Eventually sidewalk lake up her mind and she will tell you but for now I would just leave it alone.

 

Hope this helps Susan 

[Robin]

I know From bitter experience, how devastating it is when someone ends a relationship without an obvious reason.

 

I think that many people are scared of being in a relationship because, in order to open up to their partner, they have to open up to themselves.  People do not like to see their own "can of worms".

 

Hopefully your partner will gradually become more comfortable with themselves, and your relationship can get back on track.

 

Robin.

[Kirsten]

I have thought these same things. I have been left in relationships after being found out and said those exact words. 

It sounds like she is still coming to terms with herself. Don’t be upset. It’s an extremely difficult thing to come to terms with. She doesn’t want to be trans. But she knows she probably is. She’s ashamed and now embarrassed or telling you. It’s an internal battle. You’ve done what you can. She needs time. She just isn’t ready. Unfortunately many times people destroy good things because of the difficulty of simply being honest. Everybody is different. There is no telling what will happen in the future. But know you did what you could. 

I hope things resolve themself for you. Good luck. 

Kirsten

[Phoenixrises42016]

Thanks so much for your kind words. Seems like the only thing I can do is wait it out and if she doesnt come around hopefully I'll find a way to move on. I am so mad at the world right now

[KymmieL]

I agree with waiting hoping she finally realizes that you are there for her. She must have seen something in you to be able to confide in you her deep dark secret. Being the only person she has come out to. Give her some time but if you are able to keep an eye on her also. Not to the point of being a stalker. Just to make sure she does do anything rash.

 

I thank you for being there supporting the Transgender spectrum. the world needs millions more of you. 

 

Kymmie