Hello. Here is my autobio.

[Cursedbook]

Hello. I'm a 37yo ftm. I'm into horror, photography and art. I'm a little on the goth side. 

 

This is going to be a long emotional fart about being trans in Texas. Feel free to stop reading here. It was a pleasure meeting you and thank you for reading my post. 

 

------------------------------

 

Fart commencing...

 

I came out as trans in 2011. In 2013 I got a legal name change and began hrt. I had my first surgery in 2016.

 

Prior to coming out, I had no trouble getting and keeping jobs. After 2011, I've had almost 30 different jobs, averaging 5 a year. I've been harassed, bullied, threatened and fired. I filed an E.E.O.C complaint against one former employer in particular and had enough of a case to go to court. When it was time for my attorney to interview witnesses all my former coworkers who were initially willing to testify on my behalf refused to be interviewed. They were either still working for the employer and feared for their jobs or they had moved on and told me to do the same and 'let it go.' I dropped the case because, if it had gone to court, it would've been me vs them. Texas is a right to work state, meaning you can be fired at any time for any reason. If you file a court case alleging discrimination the burden of evidence falls to you to prove while the employer can make any excuse. They could've claimed I was fired for being late too many times or not being a good fit for the job. Without witnesses, it would've been a waste of time.

 

Ultimately, I did let it go and walked away. Only to have other problems with other employers. Employers, property managers, even grocery store clerks who carded me for buying beer and saw my gender marker. 

 

I found myself homeless in 2017. There are only two homeless shelters here that take trans people. One is a youth shelter. Think; teens who come out as lgbt and are thrown out of the house by their parents. Their service is commendable and much-needed, but 36yo was too old to qualify for services. The other was a 3 day emergency shelter. Think; your house is destroyed by a tornado or burns down and you need a quick, temporary place to go to make long-term plans. But 3 days was not long enough for my situation. And so, I lived in my car for a year.

 

Present day:

I have a good job with a good company that pays a livable wage. I live in a two bedroom house. I'm very grateful.

 

There are trans groups here that I can join. Could have joined to build a support network. But...

 

But I don't fit in here in Hell, I mean, Texas. I just don't. Fit. In. 

 

I've tried joing churches, hosting meet up groups, dating online. But I'm an atheist, I'm a poor person of color, I'm liberal. In a very, very religious, conservative, racist state. I'm also goth and considered "creepy." And I'm trans.

 

I need to talk about these things with people who understand. I hope to find friends here.

 

Thank you for reading. I have scented candles to cover the fart smell. ??????????⚘

Edited October 18, 2018 by Charlize
edit @ member request

[Ronin82]

Hello from Texas! I hear ya on jobs out here, I've been in a similar situation for other reasons. I'm not even telling ANYONE about my gender issues until it becomes absolutely necessary! The hardest part for me so far is the religiosity out here, since I'm of a different spiritual bent than my family, but I found a small group of folks to hang out with.

 

There are groups to join, but it sounds like you tried those already. What's keeping you here in TX aside from a good job?

 

I hope you find a place to at least feel a little more comfortable out here. Not all of TX is horrible, but the majority of it is the way you describe. Welcome to the forum!! You may find your sense of belonging here ?

[Cursedbook]

I'm legally bound to Tarrant county by child custody order. Otherwise I would move. If it wasn't for my ex, I never would have set foot here.

 

My ex-boyfriend was my last attempt at dating men. He (intentionally) got me pregnant and I later found out he was married. We went to court in 2013. Even though he was married to someone else the entire time we were together the judge decided 50/50 custody. My ex made a big deal in court about me being transgender. It's hard to say but the bitter part of me thinks that if I hadn't come out, not only would I have full custody but we never would have gone to court. I could have taken my daughter and moved back with my family in Alaska. But I came out. And my family essentially disowned me. And here I am.

 

I thought about giving him full custody and leaving, but I can't bring myself to do it. 

 

Also, edit. "Whiteness" should be witnesses. I don't know how to edit from my phone.

5 hours ago, Cursedbook said:

When it was time for my attorney to interview whiteness all my former coworkers 

 

[Cursedbook]

6 hours ago, Ronin82 said:

I'm not even telling ANYONE about my gender issues until it becomes absolutely necessary! 

 

Consider saving up enough money to live on for a couple of months. Get a second job and a secret bank account if necessary.

 

Research companies that are trans-friendly AND pay a livable wage. Work on a solid resume and LinkedIn profile. Call around, ask questions and make connections. 

 

Then, when you're ready, come out. If you get fired you'll have resources. I didn't think it would be so difficult to get another job and it took much longer than expected.

 

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

[Robin]

Hi,

 

I am glad that you have joined us. 

 

You have come to the right place to receive advice and support from people that understand your situation.  We are here to help you to consider your options, so that you can work out the best way to move forward.

 

Robin.

 

 

[Jani]

Hello and welcome.  I'm sorry to hear of your travails.  You sound like someone that is grounded and knows what they want.  Good for you.  Would there be any reason you could go back to court on the custody issue?  Is this guys wife on board with your child?  That might be a reason to gain full custody or at least be able to travel.  

 

Please join in the conversation, we'd love to hear more from you.  

 

Jani 

[Cursedbook]

6 hours ago, Jani said:

Would there be any reason you could go back to court on the custody issue?  Is this guys wife on board with your child? 

 

My ex and his wife got a divorce shortly before we went to court for custody. I couldn't live with myself if I gave up my daughter. I wouldn't have a chance in court. A chronically homeless trans person with no job stability has no chance of getting full custody. 

 

11 hours ago, Robin said:

Hi,

 

I am glad that you have joined us. 

 

You have come to the right place to receive advice and support from people that understand your situation.  We are here to help you to consider your options, so that you can work out the best way to move forward.

 

Robin.

 

 

 

 Thank you so much.

[Charlize]

Welcome.  I am sorry you are going through the kind of discrimination and hate you are facing.  Your story makes it even clearer to me how lucky i am to be living here.  Hopefully you will find an accepting and comfortable environment shortly.  In the meantime glad you've joined us here.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Hello and welcome ?

 

It's not good history to read, but you are working your way up. Just keep going. You will find friends here. As you have found already, there are people here with more experience of your locality. Other areas too, if you ever wish or need to move.

 

It's nice to meet you,

 

Tracy

[Cursedbook]

On 10/18/2018 at 9:51 PM, Charlize said:

Welcome.  I am sorry you are going through the kind of discrimination and hate you are facing.  Your story makes it even clearer to me how lucky i am to be living here.  Hopefully you will find an accepting and comfortable environment shortly.  In the meantime glad you've joined us here.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Thank you. I'm really just venting. The day I joined the forum, I bought groceries. Walking out of the store I passed a woman who called me a "lez". Normally it wouldn't have bothered me, but my time here in Texas has been so miserable it was almost literally adding insult to injury.

I have no hope of ever fitting in. I'm just going to try to focus my energy into what it means to be my true authentic self. If people accept me, fine. If not, fine. I have cats, my photography, and a love of books to keep me company. Contributing to this forum will prevent me from becoming a total and complete troglodyte.

 

Hugs back atcha

 

On 10/19/2018 at 2:55 AM, tracy_j said:

Hello and welcome ?

 

It's not good history to read, but you are working your way up. Just keep going. You will find friends here. As you have found already, there are people here with more experience of your locality. Other areas too, if you ever wish or need to move.

 

It's nice to meet you,

 

Tracy

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I needed to hear something positive. 

There's a quote that comes to mind:

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

-e.e. cummings

 

Nice to meet you as well.

[Jani]

Nice quote.  I like ee cummings verse. 

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

10 hours ago, Cursedbook said:

Contributing to this forum will prevent me from becoming a total and complete troglodyte.

I'm with you, If it wasn't for my granddaughter and this forum after my wife died, I probably would have died of loneliness. The friends that I have met here have helped build my sense of self worth and given me reason to live. 

[Jani]

Brandi don't say that.  You are beautiful and that is enough reason to live!  

Jani