I can't say I didn't try

[GothicLucas]

I don't remember if I came here to rant about what my mom did last month. She cornered me at a children's birthday party to ask me if I was still trans and although I could tell she was trying to understand, she was making a lot of ignorant assumptions. It was very difficult to correct her on the spur of the moment, and with all the chaos and strangers around me.

 

Since the only times she's tried to discuss this are when she ambushes me,  I decided to reach out and request private time to talk with her, in an email that also included some videos. (I'm 33 and don't live with her. ) I spent hours searching for videos that I thought would actually enlighten her. I put off errands and work that I should have completed in order to find just the right content. Note that I don't have a great relationship with my mom to begin with, and opening up to her about something so personal and sacred to me has been difficult and embarrassing. But I'm trying because it seems to be the right thing to do. 

 

She called me tonight when I couldn't answer, and her message said that she received a suspicious email from me about transgender videos and wanted to make sure it was me who sent it before she opened it. 

 

I'm throwing my hands up. She's so fearful of trans people that she thinks she coincidentally got malicious email from MY email with transgender in the subject?  It seems she has issues she needs to work through with somebody else before she and I can have a meaningful discussion about my transition.  I even wrote her a personal message before linking the videos, and that's usually visible in the summary before you open an email.

 

This is just so emotionally draining for me. I have never been able to depend on my parents when it really matters and I have never been anything they wanted me to be. I've never even felt any kind of bond with them. At least I can say I tried this time. I just didn't want to be a bad child.

[BrandiBri]

Lucas, I commend you for trying to work things out with your mother. It seems to me that you love your parents even if you don't meet their expectations and do want them to understand. However I wonder how sincere your mother is about wanting to understand, or is she wanting to embarass you in front of others? It seems inappropriate to ask such questions at a child's birthday party. This, of course is my own opinion.

Just now, GothicLucas said:

I just didn't want to be a bad child.

Know this, you are not a bad child. You are a unique individual and deserve to be the person that you know you are. Weather or not your mother ever understands or accepts you, you are on the right path to being yourself.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[GothicLucas]

Thanks, Brandi. Even cyber hugs feel nice.

I'm also wondering how sincere she is, although I don't think she'd want to embarrass me with this, because she herself is embarrassed by it. I agree that her timing was really inappropriate, and I was taken aback.