Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Black-Tie-Smart Dress Help!


Naomi Knowles

Recommended Posts

Couple weeks ago I cheerfully said yes to a 3-course meal works Christmas party on the 21st of December (2018) without really thinking too much about it. I'm confirmed to go, but now I have a problem.

 

 

I initially glazed over the fact that it's black-tie grade of ballroom smart until I just recently asked to confirm what the dress code was, which does actually put fear into me: I have nothing that matches that criteria, clothes shopping gets exhausting quickly.

 

That fear also stokes a competitive desire to take on the challenge head-on, backing down is already not an option, in my head anyway.

 

 

One plus of shopping womens' clothing is that my height (160cm) is catered for much better than in man-clothes, but it becomes an overwhelming challenge to find something that suits my features. My face is still undergoing electrolysis, but I'm sure my tech will forgive me if I shave for the event, probably. I Mean she's closed over Christmas anyway...

 

 

I've only just got hold of hormones, so there's nothing particularly feminine about my physical frame right now.

I just about fit UK size 10, which gives me some leeway in what I can maybe get away with, but not much.

 

 

 

Are there any must-have cheeky hacks for dressing for black-tie ballroom events as a Trans Woman? What are my options here?

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Gee i wish i could give you good advice but i've never had an opportunity (or necessity) to dress very formally.  I would suggest that you get the assistance of a cis woman whose taste you admire while shopping and enjoy yourself.  While you may not be the bell of the ball you can be a bell.  That alone is a wonderful Christmas present.

Make sure to get some pictures.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

As you have just started HRT and all, is it within your being to dress as male but with a few fem touches?  It might be easier to find or borrow clothing.  Just an idea.  As Charlize noted, don't stress over this.  

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Charlize said:

Gee i wish i could give you good advice but i've never had an opportunity (or necessity) to dress very formally.  I would suggest that you get the assistance of a cis woman whose taste you admire while shopping and enjoy yourself.  While you may not be the bell of the ball you can be a bell.  That alone is a wonderful Christmas present.

Make sure to get some pictures.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

My male co-worker surprised me with his knowledge of dresses when I brought up my predicament, a welcome surprise really! He's put me on a few online paths, though I think I'm going to need to shop in person to really get to the bottom of this.

 

I can justify the cost as a cheeky present to myself. Because like you say: I won't be Belle of the ball, but it's a rare opportunity to dress formally, and the wide-eyed dreamer in me is bellowing at me for me to ring some 'slay bells' this year, lack of experience be darned.

 

4 hours ago, Jani said:

As you have just started HRT and all, is it within your being to dress as male but with a few fem touches?  It might be easier to find or borrow clothing.  Just an idea.  As Charlize noted, don't stress over this.  

 

Borrowing is a radical idea, I'll extend some feelers out into my circle and see what happens!

 

Sadly, taking my existing wardrobe and femming it up is not an option for me during this period in my life: I don't have anything that qualifies as ballroom-smart in my old wardrobe (my old job interview suit doesn't really cut it and I feel awkward just looking at it). I'd grudge spending £50-70 on a 3-piece suit that I'd literally wear once and then consign to the charity bag.

Better to look a little awkward in a dress and declare "I am here!" than to stew in misery for hours at an event that's meant to be fun.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Naomi you might look at rentals.  There are a number of online shops here and I can imagine there are in the UK as well.  My daughter in law rented dresses for recent two family weddings since buying dresses for one time use was too much.  You might rent a suit if you wanted to go that route too.  Or start at a charity or consignment shop to find something nice on the cheap.  I do hope you enjoy the shopping as much as the event itself! 

Jani

Link to comment

Kind of relieved, but a little saddened at the same time, that it's no longer "black-tie level".

Work decided (quite rightly to be honest) that people would appreciate Christmas bonuses instead of going somewhere ball-room smart, and that we'd go somewhere upscale, at LEAST smart-casual instead. The ball-room place had alcohol practically on tap, but now that I'm on HRT, I'm sure my liver has plenty of work to do as it is ?

 

I've at least got a dress and some shoes that I think I can get away with for just that. So I get a fat holiday packet AND save stress/money on not needing to get SUPER dressed up.

I'm relatively fashion-blind, but that's a whole different kettle of fish for another time, haha

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well that is good news, in a way.  The extra cash is always a benefit, as is less stress in our lives.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 120 Guests (See full list)

    • MaeBe
    • Ashley0616
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone ___mg and Evorel ___mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to ___mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...