Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hey folks!


DeeDee

Recommended Posts

So I guess I'm posting because the polite thing to do is to say hi to everyone, and thanks for accepting me as a new member.  I am a bald 40yo AMAB who has 2 children and a recently separated wife.  For the last month I have pretty much been obsessed with the idea of questioning my gender, I initially thought I might be gender fluid as I have known for years that my brain operates in a "female" way, whenever I have taken a test serious or otherwise that was the result, but I have also crossdressed secretly on and off and always assumed it was my own dirty shameful secret.  In order to work things out in my own head I started a blog on wordpress and did initially hope to get some thoughts from others with more knowledge than I (I know now I was looking in the wrong place which is why I'm here) if you want a run down of my brain for the last month feel free to read it. https://ironicissues.wordpress.com   This was the first time I have ever taken a photo of me dressed up let alone put it somewhere public and actually admitted it and as you will see I have actually found I enjoy it and feel positive about the way I look.  However as a binary thinker for most of my life while I had no issues with the lgbtq+ community I certainly never saw myself as a part of it. As I have read and watched youtube video after youtube video and taken online test after online test the one thing that has become clear is that I am not a cismale (anything but depending on which test result you take).  I am drawn strongly towards trans videos and very recently admitted I was questioning to one of my 4 sisters. While surprised she took it in her stride and has volunteered to help me explore - tomorrow I intend to tell another sister (I grew up the middle child and only boy in a house with 4 sisters - something I have always used to explain any feminine thinking or traits) I am telling myself that I am just investigating but because of who I am I know that I need to try and speak to a counsellor of some sort soon.  Anyway - I am glad to find this space where I hope to find answers to questions which have probably already been asked numerous times - the main one being who am I really?  Sadie is a name that popped into my head when I needed to blog - so at the moment, it will do as a moniker. Take care xxxx

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Sadie, welcome to TransPulse.  I can tell after reading your latest post from your blog and this intro post that you have done a lot of thinking about and research of this transgender topic.  This forum and our live chat feature through Discord are great resources to give you even greater insight on this topic.  You'll find people in every stage of transition along with possibly dozens of life stories that parallel yours.

 

I wanted to comment on a worry you had regarding going to pick up your HRT prescription.  I too was extremely worried about picking mine up because my wife and I have been using this pharmacy for years off and on and I know the people working there.  But the time came that I needed to stand in line to get my preordered HRT meds.  I could see the Pharmacist working in the back.  Typically, the one that does the private consult (making sure you know how to use the drugs) was a lady who I knew very well (so I thought).  The cashier up front asks my name,  I felt dizzy as I said "Susan Rxxxx" which is the name my HCP uses for me and the name called in for the prescription too. She finds my meds and rings me up and is very nice about everything.  So far so good.  Then I have to pick the meds up at the consult window.  I was scared to death.  I get up there, she looks at the prescription and she says, "Hey, I know your nervous. Don't be...my wife transitioned a dozen years ago.  You'll be fine."  After she said that, my blood pressure dropped back to normal and she continued to share her and her husband's story.  She got out her purse and showed my pics of her and her hubby. We spent 5-6 minutes talking.  It was a wonderful experience.  I now always look forward to visiting with her when I'm there at the store.

I guess the moral of the story...well sometimes wonderful things can happen when we least expect them.  I bookmarked your blog and will check back periodically but keep us all updated here too if you will.

 

Susan R?

 

Link to comment

Thank you for your kind response Susan,

just discovering the sheer number of people who have posted has helped tremendously with my feelings of isolation, I know I will be reading through pretty much all the forum threads over the coming days! Small towns and small communities are wonderful places to live until you are trying to blend in, but as your example shows I guess we never really know - I can hope for such a positive experience! I am also having to learn a whole new vocabulary of words and acronyms that I didn't even know existed until a few weeks ago so I guess I am trying to temper my need for knowledge with a chance to emotionally and physically process. Is there a right place here for generic thoughts/personal writing?

 

Sadie

xxxx

Link to comment

Hi Sadie,

 

I am glad that you have joined us.

 

I have found this forum extremely helpful and supportive, and I hope that you find it equally beneficial.

 

Robin.

Link to comment

Hey Sadie! I wish you luck in your self-discovery! I'm glad to hear you're speaking with a counselor! I hope in this forum where you can find many people who are caring and accepting! 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sadie.  Please let us know how we can be of help and support.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
On 11/23/2018 at 8:32 AM, SeekingSadie said:

Is there a right place here for generic thoughts/personal writing?
 

 

Hi Sadie, Welcome ?

 

There is the 'Blogs' section for such writings (see tabs above).

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone! Tracy, I had been so caught up with the forums I had completely missed the rest of the site! 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 64 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • Siobhan F
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BUGFIEND
    Newest Member
    BUGFIEND
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bobbijean
      Bobbijean
    2. Bryan
      Bryan
      (61 years old)
    3. jlw5ju
      jlw5ju
      (27 years old)
    4. ladykirabellum
      ladykirabellum
      (47 years old)
    5. Lizzie17
      Lizzie17
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      This is a fairly long video by Philosophy Tube,  (Abigail Thorne)  Discussing some of Judith Buttler's work and related stuff.   I wasn't sure where to post it, so if there is a better place, move it. 
    • KymmieL
      I have a fantastic therapist. She is so caring she has helped me open up so much. Unfortunately, She is ending her internship. Do to a hiring freeze at the VA she isn't going just go right into a position there.  My Endo is out of the Denver VA hospital. I haven't talked with her in probably 2 yrs. I am  looking to transfer providers and get back to seeing a GYN at the Cheyenne VA. 
    • Ladypcnj
      Trump thinks he's the chosen one.. chosen to do what?   
    • Ladypcnj
    • Birdie
      Shopping at the mall today and helping out at Torrid I excused myself to the restroom. The manager told me the restroom at JC Penny was much closer (I normally use the family restroom in the food court).   Upon arrival I discovered that JC Penny doesn't have a family restroom, it's either or.   The men's room was occupied with customers, and me going in with large breasts, long hair, and makeup was going to cause a stir, so I opted for the woman's room instead. I was the only one in the woman's room.    Texas state law does state that your must use the restroom that matches your chromosomes, and it's a misdemeanor to not do so, but it seemed to be the best choice (I really needed to go!)  
    • Ashley0616
    • ClaireBloom
      My avatar is from a T-shirt that I am just dying to buy.  Maybe soon....
    • Lydia_R
      I had some guy grab my butt on the ship.  I don't know how "real" it was, but I did not enjoy that at all.  Also did not enjoy the hazing I saw other people going through.  One person can only do so much to stop that when there are 10 people doing it.
    • Lydia_R
      Here is a legible copy (hopefully):    
    • Lydia_R
      I pulled this out of a stack of old military mementos yesterday.  I guess I didn't realize how cool this one was because I did so much of this kind of thing back then.    
    • Lydia_R
      This internet video thing is pretty amazing.  I'd call it Zoom, but there are other platforms out there.  I prefer Zoom over Teams because Zoom puts me and everyone else in the same picture.  I like seeing the whole group in one shot.  Teams of course is about having so many people that you can't get them in the shot, or is it?   Just saying that I have never met any of my counselors in person.  Doctors, of course I have and I am lucky there.  They are 3.5 miles from my house as is the main transgender surgery place in town.  I've been doing virtual visits with the medical doctors lately though.  It feels like once I became steady state, they don't need to interact with me physically that much.  I have enjoyed going into their office in my nice clothing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I guess a lot depends on where you start and where you wanna end up.  For me, doing the "boy form" thing has come with disadvantages.  Smaller skeleton, thinner bones, and skinny/tiny everything.  I'll never be taken seriously.  I guess the advantage is that my way of blending in is just kind of confusing.  "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"    One of the biggest arguments for starting transition early in life is I think it gives a person a greater ability to pass.  My two MtF friends started early, and pass really well.  They never got to the larger bone structure, beard, deep voice stuff.  Me being intersex (which is more complicated) and not getting around to "boy form" until my 30's, my body size and features were pretty much set in stone.      You're lucky.  Some folks pay all that and more, even AFTER insurance.  One of my friends faced the choice last year - pay for her final year of college or pay for her meds.  She's taken a year off from college to work and save up money to finish.    My medical expenses have been more injury-related than therapy or medication   The state covered some of it with a fund for crime victims, insurance covered a lot, but there's ended up being a few thousand dollars spent out-of-pocket since 2022 to put me back together again.  I've never found a decent therapist, but my husband has a psych degree among other things, so I figure talking with him is almost as good.  I do have a good doctor, although I have to drive a long way to a big city to see her.  Mostly she takes a basic look at me, and writes another year's prescription.  Since I'm non-op and only using testosterone cream for a localized effect, its pretty simple stuff. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...