Confidence

[Zetamie]

I’ve grown tackling unruly emotions, anxiety, stress, depression, and just plain fear of people and I have learned to calm my self and throw my self forward into the world so I can move forward. Looking back, a lot of that is just a quick shove into problem situation and being forced to tackle it by myself, enough of this will cause me to crack and break when I’m alone and my mind can’t keep me up anymore. What I find missing in my fight is something that lets me walk proudly forward rather then shove myself forward. Bravery? Pride? Maybe Confidence is the better word. A structural strength and reliance of self that allows me to trust my self, having my own trusty sword to rely on rather than throwing my self into the battle hoping I can find or make a makeshift weapon with whatever I have around and with me. I am resourceful, but I also want to be a resource that I can rely on being there.

 

So, rant aside, my query is for confidence building exercises, meditations, states of mind, or experiments that allow you to find or build that trust in your self, reading in discord I’ve noticed that there a lot of you out there that do have these qualities and strengths, whether you realize it or not. I ask of you to reflect on that structure within yourself that allows you to stand your ground and even make your dreams and hopes into something that you know YOU can achieve. Greater then that, something that you can let others look to you for when they need a pillar to lean on.

 

Your time is a blessing, thank you, 

Zea

[tracy_j]

You have hit upon the word there - Confidence! It grows with experience. Most people here have probably not grown with their target gender and so have to quickly learn what cis people learn as they grow from early age upward, often at an age when they maybe thought they were past learning. This can be very unsettling both in their inner and outer lives. As experience grows so does confidence. Experience gained from little steps, the occasional leap, and really helped by an understanding group of friends.

 

Tracy

[DeeDee]

Hi Zetamie - confidence is the ability to handle your nerves and move ahead despite yourself.x There are two things I do on a regular basis, the first is a general technique and the second is more for public speaking, but I also do it before starting a task as it helps me focus.

 

1> Deliberately clench everything start with your toes and then work up through your body holding everything tight, and then after 5-10 seconds relax - all the muscles will un-tense and you will feel yourself relax.

 

2> Take a deep breath in, pause, breath out. It works.

 

The third thing is to keep a record of your successes, no matter how small - every time you did something that you were anxious about celebrate your success and if you have recorded it somewhere you can go back and see that actually you can do it. Just remember that you are an awesome person and there is no one out there quite like you! ?

[Jani]

Great comments from my friends in the UK!  

 

Zea I also think having confidence is important.  But what is that?  To me it's believing in yourself and that you have worth.  We don't walk through life alone and once we realize that, we're going in the right direction.  I'm not saying you need to become a full-fledged extrovert, but (as I did) give up some introversion.  Once you tackle your fears they will no longer hold power over you.  Fears can be lack of confidence; that you have nothing worth saying or sharing, that you're not that important, etc.  

 

Don't afraid of sharing your thoughts.  But per the old axion "we have two ears and one mouth, so use them accordingly," I have become a better listener.  When I read posts here I try to carefully discern what the poster is saying, so that if they are asking for advice or commentary I can offer thoughts that are meaningful to them and not just words.  

 

How can we do this?  I connected with a couple support groups that really helped me.  I found that my "problems" were not unique to me (which was good to hear) and that some people have harder times than I do, so be grateful for what I have.  I came here originally because I needed support and I found this was a caring group.  I've stayed here because I truly love being here and I have met many wonderful people.  While many are still online friends due to distance, I have been able to reach out off line to grow a number of these friendships.   

 

I have met so many people since I transitioned that I never thought I would.   Maybe adversity binds us but communing with others like us is a lovely way to grow.  Once we grow the world is wide open and anything can be achieved. 

 

15 hours ago, Zetamie said:

Greater then that, something that you can let others look to you for when they need a pillar to lean on.

I am hardly a pillar but I don't mind being leaned on because I know I have leaned on many throughout my life.  

 

Thank you for a great post! 

Jani

[KymmieL]

Confidence is one of my down falls, always has always will. I have always hated confrontations. Even in the military as a security specialist I hated doing things but I had to. Later in life, I still do. For me I just do it. If I had my way I would avoid having to deal with people. How ever being in retail it is not an option, being management makes it worse. I just do it. put up a fake smile and say, how can I help you?

 

Getting the confidence to come out as transgender took me many years. I have always felt afraid of what others will say about me. I am finally getting to the point of the hell with what others say I am going to be me. That is going to mean shortly I will start presenting as female. Especially if I get the new position I am looking at.

 

Kymmie

[Bad]

I am really struggling with this too, but I agree with the others saying it comes with experience. I'd say time is also a factor... the longer you have nurtured a positive relationship with yourself, the wiser you are.

[SugarMagnolia]

On 1/1/2019 at 4:36 PM, Jani said:

 Once you tackle your fears they will no longer hold power over you.  Fears can be lack of confidence; that you have nothing worth saying or sharing, that you're not that important, etc.  

This rings very true for me. I've responded to my anxieties by spending time thinking very deeply about where those anxieties or fears are coming from, how realistic they are, how I might react and how I'd ideally like to react. I also give myself permission to feel anxious or fearful. Sometimes just acknowledging the feeling instead of fighting it is enough. 

So, for me it's preparation (making sure I have a sword) and practice ("experience gained from little steps" as Tracy said) and people (friends that I can lean on for support and that have been through similar things). Take it in steps and it WILL get easier! ❤️

Hugs,
Julie