Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Coming out as trans later in life


Roadster

Recommended Posts

I had a story growing up that sounds like a lot of other stories I've read.  A tomboy who was assured it was all a phase.  People didn't talk about trans stuff in the Midwest in the '70s and '80s, so I learned to act like a girl and move on.

 

Now, thanks to the Kids These Days, I have a vocabulary and a kick in the pants, so after spending some time talking to a therapist about my dysphoria, I'm coming out as trans in my 40s.  I came out to my best friend mid last year, and she was 100% unsurprised and 100% supportive.  I've come out to my husband and my sister, and I'm going to come out to my boss next week, because I could really use her support and guidance in coming out overall at work.  I have an appointment in February with the local clinic to consult on starting testosterone.


I'm scared and excited.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums, it sounds like life is moving ahead for you.  Enjoy your time here.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Glad you found us, Roadster.  It's never too late to come out as trans.  I'm 56 and just now starting on my transition.  There's a few things that are harder when you start late in life but persistence in king when you want to be your true self.  Keep us updated on your progress along the way if you feel like it.  We'd all love to hear more.

 

Warm Regards, 

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Admin

Should have mentioned I just hit 71 and feel 30 years younger.  Started Transition at 61, so you are a youngster by my reckoning.  It is never too late to be U!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Roadster,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you came along!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

I came out at 49 and couldn't be happier. Best of luck on your journey and welcome to the forums!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome aboard Roadster.  I'm glad you're here.  You are certainly moving along well.  Great!

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I was going to ask what kind of roadster do you have, or see yourself as?  I was thinking of automobiles but I see your avatar has a bike.  My kind of guy! 

 

Jani 

Link to comment

I have a Miata - I like to slide around. :) But I do also have motorcycles.  I do a little of everything - dirt, track, street, flat track, etc.  The profile pic is from a motorcycle track day at Sears Point.

Link to comment

Hey roadster. Welcome to the site. I started coming out a few months ago and just 2 weeks ago and had the same reaction. I am 55 right now so I got ya beat. Lol?

Link to comment

Ha, this is all great to hear.  All of the stories I was hearing on social media - and they're lovely and inspiring, don't get me wrong (I love jammidodger's YouTube channel) - were teens to twenties, so it's nice to come across some folk in my bracket.

Link to comment

There are some big pluses to coming out later, too: you generally know yourself better, have better coping skills, better planning skills, more patience, usually more financial and housing stability, and have more overall life experience.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, Roadster said:

I have a Miata - I like to slide around. :) But I do also have motorcycles. 

Cool.  I have a Miata too, a '95 M.  I've sold my bikes but I keep looking at Ducati Monster or Supersport.  My BIL has a Diavel and I love the sound and its handling.  I've also thought of building a cafe racer out of an older Honda CB450 twin.  Decisions, decisions.

 

Julie is right about coming out later in life.  I know I could not have done it sooner.  And I certainly wouldn't be where I am if I did.  However in todays environment I'm not sure how it matters much as long as you have support and patience.  I think most TG people are pretty resourceful!  ?

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I just came out last fall. now 54 I am hoping to start HRT shortly. Welcome To Transgender pulse. I am into cars and bikes too. I have a touring bike, '15 Harley Street glide. Hoping to put some miles on it as soon as the weather warms up.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Thanks, guys!

All right, thanks to the Ducati talk, I'm going to have to post some pictures.  I'll spare you my bikes over the years, because we don't have all day, but this is a picture of me on my Hyperstrada that my m'boy took of me on Highway 36 on a trip last year; a picture of my old race bike (I'm a Marvel geek), and the Multi DVT I got m'boy for Christmas (I insisted that we take the first picture of it at Starbuck's, because it's a running gag around here that all the Ducatis congregate at Starbuck's).

5.jpg

GBMC6866_2.jpg

2qcfio6.jpg

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Very cool in deed!  

OK, but how are you doing lately?  And m'boy?  Relationships can be difficult to maintain as we transition.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Congrats, Roadster!

I'm also a (much) later in life FTM transgender person.  Good job on your start on the trek and starting with a gender therapist!  Best of luck at home and work with coming out.

 

I don't yet have a gender therapist and have only been able to look through the candy store window until now.  My Medicare just started (yes, Medicare!  I'm 60!) and live in the hinterlands of Northern Florida.  I've come out to my some of my friends here where I live and to my best friends.  My BFFs are wonderfully supportive.

 

Wish me luck with a gender therapist; I'm a wee bit uncertain of how to seek starting off on T and such, but every journey begins with a single step, yes?

 

Best of luck as you start off.

Link to comment
On 1/8/2019 at 3:37 AM, VickySGV said:

Should have mentioned I just hit 71 and feel 30 years younger.  Started Transition at 61, so you are a youngster by my reckoning.  It is never too late to be U!

 

Wow, Vicky!  You are awesome!  Thanks; it's very reassuring to hear that later-life (late middle age, these days) transitions go OK.

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Jani said:

Very cool in deed!  

OK, but how are you doing lately?  And m'boy?  Relationships can be difficult to maintain as we transition.  

 

Jani

 

I've been very frank with him about what's going on in my journey, and that I am setting things up to come out and start taking T this year. He's uncertain/unsure about how this works and how he feels, but he says he's supportive for now. We'll see. That's easy to say before I start changing physically...

 

He's very into the physical femininity of women, so that might be an issue. I've gone over this with my therapist a lot in the past year.  I would rather proactively change our relationship to friendship than have it blow up, so I'm trying to keep myself open and out there about each step.

 

It's odd, though, that day to day life has been a lot smoother. I think I'm just happier and more comfortable in myself for making the decision.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm glad to hear day to day life is good.  Removing a sense of tension has a way of doing this.  

 

IMO it seems to be harder for the married/committed guys who come out than us women.  The idea of seeming to be a gay relationship is a turn off for many guys it seems.  Whereas women don't seem to have as big an issue with it since women's relationships are different (closer?) than that of men's friendships.

 

You might be right to adjust your relationship now in order to preserve the good parts of your lives.  Regardless, more talk is certainly warranted.  I hope where ever the road takes you both it will be as friends.  

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 105 Guests (See full list)

    • Vidanjali
    • KathyLauren
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.9k
    • Total Posts
      771.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,156
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Romi
    Newest Member
    Romi
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Froggiesprog
      Froggiesprog
      (20 years old)
    2. Kara Zor-El
      Kara Zor-El
      (41 years old)
    3. LaurenMichelle
      LaurenMichelle
    4. Liana
      Liana
      (53 years old)
    5. Murph90
      Murph90
      (34 years old)
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      Feeling happy, blessed and content today.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Are you able to live in the moment or does your inner demon generally control you?
    • Heather Shay
      Still have anxious moments meeting some.
    • Heather Shay
      Emotional trauma, also known as psychological trauma, is an emotional response to a distressing event that's outside the normal range of human experiences. It can be caused by a single event or a series of events that make someone feel unsafe or helpless, and can have a mental impact that's just as harmful as physical injuries.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Willow
      Good morning   We are going to be attending a different congregation today.  I particularly wanted to meet Cee Cee Armstrong, our minister’s co-moderator partner.  Her church is about 2 hours away.  So we will be leaving in about 30 minutes.  She knows we are coming.   going along with what was written yesterday goes the question “Am I trans enough?”  And all I can say to those who ask that question is that there is no defined answer as to what is enough, just as there is no answer to what is too much.  We are all different.  We are all marching down this road together.
    • Heather Shay
      This is an awesome and needed idea. Thank you @Vidanjali.   I know a young MTF who graduated from college and her parents disowned her and told her not to come home ON THE DAY OF GRADUATION. I reqwuest prayers for her to find comfort, housing and joy.
    • NoEli6
      TW: Violent hate crime   Hi Been... a good long while since I've popped up here. Made some friends. All trans girls. They're lovely and supportive. But one of them... a couple times now, she's made comments dismissing pains of being FtM (such as binder pain) with a response of something along the lines of "well, we (trans woman) get murdered." She gave a lengthy, heartfelt, absolutely wonderful apology for it that I appreciated so damn much. But, -expletive-, man, something about those comments stuck with me I guess? I'm not hurt by what she said anymore because she apologized sincerely and explained she never meant any harm and I wholeheartedly accept her apology.  But something about that... has just been weighing on me. I think it may just be the guilt of privilege? But, a little deeper than that, wanting to be seen for my struggles, too. Trans women get so much coverage and visibility compared to trans men (which this friend has also contested in the past...?) and I think a part of me is just... I don't know, I feel awful because it feels insensitive to imply that "oh, I've got it harder, don't you see?" but I think I just want to be recognized for the fact that I'm SO -censored- scared of being hatecrimed. I don't pass- she does! And yet she talks about how her group gets violently hatecrimed more often and I'm just like... I don't know. She's white, too, as am I, both middle class Californians as well, neither of us are extremely at risk here. I don't even know what I'm feeling here. I just want to vent, I want some advice, I want someone to tell me how to feel. Is it true that trans man rarely ever get hatecrimed? That doesn't feel real.    I don't know if this is something similar to white guilt, just guilt for having privilege, or if this has a deeper root, I'm just so... torn up, for no reason, about these things that she's said.    Part of it could be that she, and my two other friends, are all on HRT, while I've been stuck in a household that won't allow any medical transition till I'm 18 for 3 years and another one to wait. And that I can't talk about that. Because I feel like I'll bring down the mood. And that my dysphoria hasn't gotten easier, I'm still as -toasted- up as ever over it, but I feel the need to sit in silence instead and on top of that have to constantly hear my friends talk about small annoyances regarding HRT that I would KILL TO HAVE.    Now I'm just ranting. I think there's a lot of mixed up feelings here. Let me know if anyone relates to the guilt thing, though. Would appreciate it. Thanks y'all. Sorry for disappearing. Glad to be back. 
    • Nonexistent
      I know it's frustrating to hear, but you have to be patient. 5 weeks is nothing. It can take years to grow facial hair. Even then, you may be unlucky and not get much. Everyone's body reacts differently to T. You just have to be patient and let T do it's thing.
    • Nonexistent
      I've been on T for 6yrs now, my levels are good. But I still don't pass very well, I look very feminine. I have top surgery already.   I can't tell if it's bad luck/genetics or if there is some reason why T might not "work" on me. The only thing it has done well is lower my voice. Everything else, not so much. I have a bit more muscle, and a tiny bit of chin scruff. That's it.   Is there any medical reason why T might not have much of an effect? I asked my PA and they didn't know.
    • tracy_j
      Happy Pride!   Tracy
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you for the welcome. :)   As an adult I don't actually get much (if any) hate directed at me. As a kid/teen I got discriminated against and ostracized. And online is crazy with hatred. But in real life I just keep to myself and that tends to make others not bother you. I think I get a double take from someone every so often, but I don't get stared at or anything. I do get called ma'am sometimes which sucks and is embarrassing.    I like the positive self-talk, saying that you are trans, you shouldn't have the same "expectations" as if you were cis. Some trans people are lucky, some of us are not. I'm not. The only thing I got lucky with is my voice. Everything else, nope.   I will try and remind myself that I'm just trying to live my life, I didn't choose to be born this way, I don't need to be embarrassed of myself in every situation.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...