Coming out as trans later in life

[Roadster]

I had a story growing up that sounds like a lot of other stories I've read.  A tomboy who was assured it was all a phase.  People didn't talk about trans stuff in the Midwest in the '70s and '80s, so I learned to act like a girl and move on.

 

Now, thanks to the Kids These Days, I have a vocabulary and a kick in the pants, so after spending some time talking to a therapist about my dysphoria, I'm coming out as trans in my 40s.  I came out to my best friend mid last year, and she was 100% unsurprised and 100% supportive.  I've come out to my husband and my sister, and I'm going to come out to my boss next week, because I could really use her support and guidance in coming out overall at work.  I have an appointment in February with the local clinic to consult on starting testosterone.

I'm scared and excited.

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums, it sounds like life is moving ahead for you.  Enjoy your time here.

[Susan R]

Glad you found us, Roadster.  It's never too late to come out as trans.  I'm 56 and just now starting on my transition.  There's a few things that are harder when you start late in life but persistence in king when you want to be your true self.  Keep us updated on your progress along the way if you feel like it.  We'd all love to hear more.

 

Warm Regards, 

Susan R?

[VickySGV]

Should have mentioned I just hit 71 and feel 30 years younger.  Started Transition at 61, so you are a youngster by my reckoning.  It is never too late to be U!

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Roadster,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you came along!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[SugarMagnolia]

I came out at 49 and couldn't be happier. Best of luck on your journey and welcome to the forums!

[Jani]

Welcome aboard Roadster.  I'm glad you're here.  You are certainly moving along well.  Great!

Jani

[Roadster]

Thank you all for the kind words! I'll definitely make an update when I have my appointment in February.

[Jani]

I was going to ask what kind of roadster do you have, or see yourself as?  I was thinking of automobiles but I see your avatar has a bike.  My kind of guy! 

 

Jani 

[Roadster]

I have a Miata - I like to slide around. But I do also have motorcycles.  I do a little of everything - dirt, track, street, flat track, etc.  The profile pic is from a motorcycle track day at Sears Point.

[Susan]

Hey roadster. Welcome to the site. I started coming out a few months ago and just 2 weeks ago and had the same reaction. I am 55 right now so I got ya beat. Lol?

[Roadster]

Ha, this is all great to hear.  All of the stories I was hearing on social media - and they're lovely and inspiring, don't get me wrong (I love jammidodger's YouTube channel) - were teens to twenties, so it's nice to come across some folk in my bracket.

[SugarMagnolia]

There are some big pluses to coming out later, too: you generally know yourself better, have better coping skills, better planning skills, more patience, usually more financial and housing stability, and have more overall life experience.

[Jani]

3 hours ago, Roadster said:

I have a Miata - I like to slide around. But I do also have motorcycles. 

Cool.  I have a Miata too, a '95 M.  I've sold my bikes but I keep looking at Ducati Monster or Supersport.  My BIL has a Diavel and I love the sound and its handling.  I've also thought of building a cafe racer out of an older Honda CB450 twin.  Decisions, decisions.

 

Julie is right about coming out later in life.  I know I could not have done it sooner.  And I certainly wouldn't be where I am if I did.  However in todays environment I'm not sure how it matters much as long as you have support and patience.  I think most TG people are pretty resourceful!  ?

 

Jani

[KymmieL]

I just came out last fall. now 54 I am hoping to start HRT shortly. Welcome To Transgender pulse. I am into cars and bikes too. I have a touring bike, '15 Harley Street glide. Hoping to put some miles on it as soon as the weather warms up.

 

Kymmie

[Roadster]

Thanks, guys!

All right, thanks to the Ducati talk, I'm going to have to post some pictures.  I'll spare you my bikes over the years, because we don't have all day, but this is a picture of me on my Hyperstrada that my m'boy took of me on Highway 36 on a trip last year; a picture of my old race bike (I'm a Marvel geek), and the Multi DVT I got m'boy for Christmas (I insisted that we take the first picture of it at Starbuck's, because it's a running gag around here that all the Ducatis congregate at Starbuck's).

[Dakota16]

Welcome, Roadster! I came out at 42 and I couldn't be happier. All the best for your transition!

[Jani]

Very cool in deed!  

OK, but how are you doing lately?  And m'boy?  Relationships can be difficult to maintain as we transition.  

 

Jani

[StrainAsylum]

Congrats, Roadster!

I'm also a (much) later in life FTM transgender person.  Good job on your start on the trek and starting with a gender therapist!  Best of luck at home and work with coming out.

 

I don't yet have a gender therapist and have only been able to look through the candy store window until now.  My Medicare just started (yes, Medicare!  I'm 60!) and live in the hinterlands of Northern Florida.  I've come out to my some of my friends here where I live and to my best friends.  My BFFs are wonderfully supportive.

 

Wish me luck with a gender therapist; I'm a wee bit uncertain of how to seek starting off on T and such, but every journey begins with a single step, yes?

 

Best of luck as you start off.

[StrainAsylum]

On 1/8/2019 at 3:37 AM, VickySGV said:

Should have mentioned I just hit 71 and feel 30 years younger.  Started Transition at 61, so you are a youngster by my reckoning.  It is never too late to be U!

 

Wow, Vicky!  You are awesome!  Thanks; it's very reassuring to hear that later-life (late middle age, these days) transitions go OK.

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Roadster, Better late than never, I started transitioning at 69. Giong on 2 years now.

[Roadster]

15 hours ago, Jani said:

Very cool in deed!  

OK, but how are you doing lately?  And m'boy?  Relationships can be difficult to maintain as we transition.  

 

Jani

 

I've been very frank with him about what's going on in my journey, and that I am setting things up to come out and start taking T this year. He's uncertain/unsure about how this works and how he feels, but he says he's supportive for now. We'll see. That's easy to say before I start changing physically...

 

He's very into the physical femininity of women, so that might be an issue. I've gone over this with my therapist a lot in the past year.  I would rather proactively change our relationship to friendship than have it blow up, so I'm trying to keep myself open and out there about each step.

 

It's odd, though, that day to day life has been a lot smoother. I think I'm just happier and more comfortable in myself for making the decision.

[Jani]

I'm glad to hear day to day life is good.  Removing a sense of tension has a way of doing this.  

 

IMO it seems to be harder for the married/committed guys who come out than us women.  The idea of seeming to be a gay relationship is a turn off for many guys it seems.  Whereas women don't seem to have as big an issue with it since women's relationships are different (closer?) than that of men's friendships.

 

You might be right to adjust your relationship now in order to preserve the good parts of your lives.  Regardless, more talk is certainly warranted.  I hope where ever the road takes you both it will be as friends.  

 

Cheers, Jani