Dysphoria seems to be getting worse.. :/

[hmillerrr]

Hey guys! Haven't been on here in awhile but I hope all you beautiful people are doing well.

I've been okay... Been deadnamed a lot lately being that my grandmother flew out from Michigan for the holidays. It was amazing to see her but I had to remain in the closet. 

idk lately I kind of feel more and more dysphoric? 

it kind of went from not even knowing if I was trans because of my lack of dysphoria and having euphoria instead, to catching myself feeling more and more dysphoric as the months go on. 

My parents refused to call me Trevor from the very get-go and while it did hurt, their utter disapproval hurt worse. Now I can't stand hearing my deadname. I can't stand dealing with the fact that they have decided to pass my identity off as a phase just because I've grown tired of begging them to call me Trevor. I even agreed to go by Ethan as my first name because it was one my mom said she liked yet she STILL won't call me anything but my deadname. It bothers me every day. I find myself hating myself in ways I hadn't before. I just... I don't understand how I could go from "no" dysphoria or at least not to the extent that consumed me to this? Am I speaking it into existence? have any of you experienced this?

Trevor x

Ps happy (late) holidays! I hope all had some place warm to go ?

[tracy_j]

Hi Trevor,  It is not really surprising that your dysporia is getting worse. It must feel like you are being pushed somewhere that you don't want to go, so you are fighting against it. I get that somewhat too. I find the best way of dealing with it, for me, is not to push against it, but to live as I wish and let things grow on people over time. Obviously it does not sort things with some people but it does reduce stress and confrontation. For example, it is like when I am with my mother. She always likes to introduce me as her son to new carers that she has. They can see what she often does not, so they treat me as I would like (I am not out to her, due to her medical issues, poor memory etc).

In my opinion you have to sidestep / deflect the confrontation that is obviously there otherwise you will all have a poor relationship.

 

Tracy

[SugarMagnolia]

I'm not surprised that it's wearing on you Trevor. There have been recent studies showing that using trans people's preferred names reduces depression and self-harm in a very significant way. And not doing so, can have a big impact on us.

Unfortunately, we can't force people to change and it can take longer than we like for them to change themselves. I have one person that I care for who behaves this way and it bothers me a lot. You're not alone in feeling this way. It takes a lot of strength to come out and be ourselves and when that's ignored, it hurts. ❤️

Good coping strategies are:

- to find other people and places where you are supported and you wishes are respected. School, youth groups at nearby LGBTQ centers, and sharing what you're feeling here are all things that can help you stay anchored in your truth.

- practicing compassion towards your parents, as hard as that is. Many parents that behave like this love their kids and are scared because they don't know what to do and just want their kids to be safe. Fear is no excuse for their rejection, but recognizing their reactions better can help you to rise above it sometimes

- providing you parents with resources to better understand. Have they read anything on transgender youth or gone to any support groups? They'd probably benefit a lot from attending PFLAG and we can suggest some great books if you think they'd be open?

- getting a gender therapist. Is there any chance that your parents would consider this? 

Sorry to be so long winded, but I really understand what your feeling and wanted to throw out some ideas!

Julie