Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dysphoria...


Michelle F

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator
36 minutes ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

I am so thankful to find out that my insurance is one that actually covers all of the Transgender surgeries.

Wow, Amy.  One less thing to worry about.  That makes your transition so much smoother. Finding the best surgeon and waiting for an opening are likely the only thing slowing you down at this point.  Awesome news!

 

Susan R?

Link to comment

That is so cool! Hopefully I will get that lucky. But I am Lucy that my insurance is covering what is does now but it will end in June. Hugs!

Link to comment
43 minutes ago, Susan R said:

Wow, Amy.  One less thing to worry about.  That makes your transition so much smoother. Finding the best surgeon and waiting for an opening are likely the only thing slowing you down at this point.  Awesome news!

 

Susan R?

Thanks.  I already found a good surgeon.  She is 1 of 9 top Transgender surgeons in the US that specializes in all Trans surgeries.  She is in PHX.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

So I am feeling sad and dysphoric right now cause I am wishing that I am a real woman.  I wish that I could have a vigina NOW.  I am hating this birth defect that I have and want it gone.

Link to comment
Just now, Amy LeBlanc said:

So I am feeling sad and dysphoric right now cause I am wishing that I am a real woman.  I wish that I could have a vigina NOW.  I am hating this birth defect that I have and want it gone.

You mean your not??

 

Its in the mind. You believe your a real woman then great things happen.

Just because society and the social constuct exists it doesnt mean you have to subscribe to it.

 

We are what we feel we are and no one can take that away from you. Hold your head up high and be who and what you wanna be.

 

Yes i have bad days. I have -crap- days to. Riddled with dysphoria. However once you relise its just a mind game you play on yourself it all floats away.

 

Then have been days ive looked in that mirror and i just see man. But i have learnt that once i go out. No one looks. No one points and giggles. Its just me seeing what i am being drawn to and not what society sees. The mind likes to play tricks on us and we have been programmed to think. that it knows all. But it doesnt. Its just one perspective.

 

Just because you have a vagina that doesnt make you a woman. The maketh of the woman is in the mind and not the sex.

 

Sex and gender so we are told by people more clever than ourselves are two completly diffrent things

Link to comment

While we are on the subject of Dysphoria.

 

Let me tell you its a cruel mistress. For me it was and still trys to be but I dont know if its age or life expreiances or even the making of my Essence. Makes it much harder to show its self..  Dont get me wrong at the start it was strong. It tried to ruin me.

 

The darker side of dysphoria pops it head up once in a while just to try and tells me things that  it wants me to believe. trying to put me down on my knees once again and submit to its presense. Trying to make me hate myself by feeding on my insecurities . It trys many tricks. Ill be honest with you and ive never wrote this down anywhere before but mine trys to convince me i look like Reggie Kray. For those who dont know who he is. Check out the picture at the bottom. For a while i actually believed it and submitted to its calls. Which were among things such as " You look  like a man, You are not female and dont look act or present yourself as such, Your a freak"

 

Let me tell you something. The hormones do help. But that isnt the begin all and end all. Its just a weaapon in the fight against it. many of the tools are already there. You just have to train yourself to not submit to it calling

 

For me its still there. I guess it will always be but now i just make it sit in the corner. It still thinks its its in charge but being honest it doesnt have a clue.

 

2093315255_regmaid.jpg.3836bb2e162f890fc086fcfaa0d4437e.jpg

 

It makes me feel better to see the diffrence between me and Reggie Kray.

 

 

Link to comment

Hey Amy, 

i was all over this last week. I was sure I was a guy. I was convinced things weren’t changing. I was so depressed I was really thinking about hurting myself. 

But things turned around. We are both in our shifting phase. Your brain is very female now. But your body’s still catching up. As are the people around us. So we get misgendered, we get stares, we have self confidence issues, and we tend to have a lot of ups and downs. The downs suck. But without them the ups wouldn’t be so great! 

Hang in there hun. You’ll get there. The feelings will go away. You’ll  see more and more Amy every day and that’s not slowing down. Just think back to the other day being at your fair looking so awesome in that dress!!! All I saw there was a happy beautiful girl having a wonderful time! That’s YOU!!! It’s hard to remember sometimes. But it is. And you can’t forget! Even when it’s hard. 

❤️❤️

Link to comment

Thank you all.  It is funny how your mind can change this fast.

 

@Kirsten Thank you for reminding me about Ren. Faire.  I was so happy and glad to be me and felt so beautiful.  But I just cannot believe how I woke up from a dream where I was a real woman with a vigina, the reproductive organs, breast, nice feminine body and then when I was up, it hit me that I have this birth defect and threw me into a dysphoric state and started to feel sad.

Link to comment
  • Admin

I hope this will help, but if it really sets someone off, I am sorry.  I am post-op for 6 years last month, and while not sorry in the least for having it, I have now learned that it is not holy grail that many consider it to be.  There are a lot of reasons, of which the daily maintenance is one, and the fact that after a few weeks of adoration by others who claim you are so brave and heroic as you are reaching for pain med's but shortly afterwards turn you  from hero to whiner and a "WHO CARES" case is one more reason just off the top of my mind.   

 

Yoiu do not have a single goal in Transition, you have many individual steps, each of which can help you on a day to day basis.  I actually count my legal Name Change as one of the truly large moments above my GCS, (I know, heresy).   Even larger than that was the daily realization that internally I was not changing all the much, but I was stripping off armor, like a lobster shedding its exoskeleton and being terribly vulnerable for a while on a regular basis.  An example is that for @Amy LeBlanc, she has not changed from being the Rennaisance Lady that she always has been, but she no longer had to guard and shelter that real part of her.  Once done, it cannot be un-done.  If Dysphoria leads you to shedding one layer of protection for who you have always been, it is doing its job the right way.  Look at it as a friend that way and you actually look forward to the next tine it pushes you to make a decision or a move toward your personal realness.    

Link to comment
43 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

I hope this will help, but if it really sets someone off, I am sorry.  I am post-op for 6 years last month, and while not sorry in the least for having it, I have now learned that it is not holy grail that many consider it to be.  There are a lot of reasons, of which the daily maintenance is one, and the fact that after a few weeks of adoration by others who claim you are so brave and heroic as you are reaching for pain med's but shortly afterwards turn you  from hero to whiner and a "WHO CARES" case is one more reason just off the top of my mind.   

 

Yoiu do not have a single goal in Transition, you have many individual steps, each of which can help you on a day to day basis.  I actually count my legal Name Change as one of the truly large moments above my GCS, (I know, heresy).   Even larger than that was the daily realization that internally I was not changing all the much, but I was stripping off armor, like a lobster shedding its exoskeleton and being terribly vulnerable for a while on a regular basis.  An example is that for @Amy LeBlanc, she has not changed from being the Rennaisance Lady that she always has been, but she no longer had to guard and shelter that real part of her.  Once done, it cannot be un-done.  If Dysphoria leads you to shedding one layer of protection for who you have always been, it is doing its job the right way.  Look at it as a friend that way and you actually look forward to the next tine it pushes you to make a decision or a move toward your personal realness.    

 

Thank You Vicky so much.  I do look for the shedding of the next big milestone.  I did look at my legal name change as the big milestone.  I am looking at FFS as the next big milestone.  I cannot afford everything in one big go, so I will need to break it up in 2 parts.  I am glad that the doctor also saw the same thing as me with my Jaw / Chin and nose which would be the 2x things that really cause my dysphoria.

 

I can also say that I do flip flop on GCS.  As I talked to my therapist about GCS once, she also said that if I am flipping on GCS alot, then it will not help me if I rush in on GCS.  Cause it is all a matter of what's in your mind and making sure to keep my mind straight and thinking clearly.  So my therapist even said GCS is a NO for me.  

 

Now for FFS, my therapist can see that FFS will help me and will be the right choice and even if I stay with the Jaw / Chin and nose and not do the rest as the doctor pointed out I would be fine.

 

So I know deep down that FFS will help me.  But as for GCS with flipping alot, it's a NO and I will regret GCS.

 

But I am glad to have friends to talk to and help to make certain that I keeping my mind clear and not going to regret anything.  So far, I can say I have had no regrets.

Link to comment

Looking through some of my pictures is helping me out.  I am happy with the advice that Kristen gave with how I looked in my Renaissance Dress and it has made me happy again.  I then found this picture that I took of me and just feel in love with myself once again and feeling happy.  I love my outfit style, I look very feminine in it and it does also hide my stomach but yet it shows off my hips that I have and my booty along with my small breast.

 

I love this picture alot and I have a pretty good feminine pose as well.

 

 

20190201_130451.jpg

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I hate this...

 

Electrolysis at 5... I have to go to town. Only way is on bus...

 

I WILL be misgendered because gray beard is as though there is a magnifying glass on my face.

 

I AM FREEKING OUT! 

Link to comment
Just now, Michelle F said:

I hate this...

 

Electrolysis at 5... I have to go to town. Only way is on bus...

 

I WILL be misgendered because gray beard is as though there is a magnifying glass on my face.

 

I AM FREEKING OUT! 

 

Hang in Michelle.  I know how you feel.  I hate it when I have to go out and have not shaved either cause you have an electrolysis appt.

Link to comment

sigh...

 

That, My dear Kirsten, is the pay off!!!

 

I can tell y'all this much!!!

 

I have a new disguise. What is kewl is it is numbing my face and hiding beard at same time. I'll explain after treatment to fill y'all in

Link to comment

Sheesh... This is going to take a year or more. Basically 1 square inch a week.

 

My face looks like a failed crop circle!

 

I'd pull My hair out but it's a wig; it would just come off!

>screaming<

?

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Early this week, I was in some deep dysphoria with depression and felt like I could not get out.  Now want to share a picture of me recently and looking at myself now, there is no way that I am a man.  I am defiantly not a man and never was.  I have always seen myself as a girl.  I am loving the way how my hair is looking on me.

 

 

20190307_033151.jpg

Link to comment

Just had my 4th electrolysis treatment today.

 

Had a very cool incident after my treatment. I had forgotten a razor to clean up a bit afterwards. I walked out rather self conscious and totally focused on that patch of beard that was visible. Catching the bus is horrible when I am unshaven. Especially children...

 

"Mommy? Why does that woman have a beard?" Just horrible!

 

I have one transfer to get home from Clinic. I reached my transfer point and was preparing to walk across street to catch my transfer.

 

I was wearing a turquoise shorty blouse, black leggings and my 4" black booties with a gray long sweater and my Liz Claiborne Brick Red Purse.

 

This woman walked up on me and said out if the blue, "That is a cute outfit." I was flabbergasted! Utterly gobsmacked! All of a sudden I forgot all about that patch of hair on my face and held my head high. I pretty much strutted all the way home from there. 

 

I felt confident, vindicated and validated all at the same time! Absolutely amazing feeling!

 

I can't wait to tell my therapist tomorrow!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 144 Guests (See full list)

    • MirandaB
    • emilygurl
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. afraid of self
      afraid of self
    2. Chaidoesart
      Chaidoesart
      (14 years old)
    3. Faith57
      Faith57
    4. Joyce Ann
      Joyce Ann
      (70 years old)
    5. Kelly21121
      Kelly21121
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      As we said in the 1960's "Wipe out"!!
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://beachgrit.com/2024/04/tolerance-on-the-ropes-as-transgender-surfer-refused-entry-into-womens-division-of-longboard-contest/     Same old same old.  How will the Cis-girl surfers feel about trans men participating in their events, I wonder?   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2024/04/russian-poetry-competition-bans-transgender-applicants/     Everyone in Russia knows that Putin hates LGBT people, so every segment of society gets on board with the Leader's viewpoint, or they risk his wrath.  Sounds a lot like Florida, doesn't it?   Carolyn Marie
    • RaineOnYourParade
      happy trans birthday! I can't speak personally on the subject, but I hope hormones bring you the changes you're looking for <3 
    • MaeBe
      That’s super healthy, to see that something that becomes common has less effect on you and that you are able to decipher these feelings.   Sadly, this trend tends to only deaden good feelings as we tend not to let bad feelings attenuate the same way.   I have noticed less euphoria, but still feel the dysphorias that I have. Sometimes the good sneaks in and reminds me, but often time it’s just me seeing myself in the mirror and being comfortable about what I see when embracing my realized self. I may not get the same buzz I once did, but I don’t feel incongruous when looking at a more “drab” reflection.    Wishing you strength, you are amazing!
    • KayC
      Congratulations! and Happy Trans Birthday @LittleSam! That is such a BIG milestone.  I can still remember walking out of my clinic with my first HRT presciption.  I was on Cloud-9.  Wishing you all the best in the start of your new Journey!
    • missyjo
      maebe thank you I try to be. I thank God for blessings, try to share them, beg forgiveness for my shortcomings n vow to try to do better...2 priests have said no, God doesn't condemn you just for being trans...but apparently evangelicals do   I shall vtry dear thank you  
    • MaeBe
      Meet him at the being good to others part of Christianity. At the heart of it, there are excellent tenets of the faith. Those that condemn are judging, Jesus would have us be selfless; stone casting and all that. Are you a good person? Are you putting good into the world? If your gender is an issue for God, let God judge. In the mortal realm, let your actions be heard. 
    • missyjo
      and just fi sweeten it..I'm catholic n he hasn't been for years..he's evangelical..whatever that is
    • MaeBe
      Let’s stick to cite-able fact. Most of my posts have been directly in relation to LGBTQ+ rights as it pertains to P2025 and I have drawn direct links between people, their quotes, and their agenda. I have made reference to the cronyism that P2025 would entail as well, by gutting, not cutting, broad swathes of government and replacing it with “conservative warriors” (I can get you the direct quote, but rest assured it’s a quote). All this does is constantly force the cogs to be refitted, not their movement. To say that agencies have directly defied a President is a bit much, the EPA did what Trump told them to do at the direct harm to the environment, the department of agriculture did the same by enacting the administrations forced move to KC which decimated the USDA.      How about Betsy DeVoss for Education? Or Bannon for anything? What about the revolving Chief of Staff position that Trump couldn’t stay filled? Or the Postmaster General, who did much to make the USPS worse?   Let’s not mix politics with racism, sexism, or any other ism. Because Trump made mainly white, male, appointments—many of them not, arguably, people fit for service—or unwilling to commit to term. I can argue this because, again, he’s up for election and will do what he did before (and more of the same, his words).   Please delineate how the selected diversity appointments have negatively affected the US, other than being black, women, or queer? Representation matters and America benefits when its people are inspired and empowered.
    • missyjo
      ok ladies if I've asked this before I'm sorry please delete    ok so I have 2vsiblings..one is overly religious..n preachy n domineering..so he keeps trying to talk with me n I'd like to..but he always falls into this all knowing all wise domineering preachy thing tjaz tells me he's praying for christ to beat Satan for control of my soul..which is doomed to hell bc I'm transgender    I'd like to try to have a civil conversation n try to set him strait n gsin a cooperation n real conversation    any suggestions?
    • missyjo
      abigail darling what about extensions or a wig? be brave n hang in there  to thine own self be true  good luck
    • RaineOnYourParade
      When I first started figuring things out, I got a lot more euphoria. Every time a friend would use he/they pronouns for me, I'd get this bubbly feeling, and seeing myself look masculine made me really happy. Dysphoric state felt more normal, so I guess I noticed the pain it caused me less.   Now, it's more just that my pronouns and such things feel natural, and dysphoria is a lot stronger -- I know what's natural, so experiencing the opposite is more jarring than everything. The problem is, most of my natural experiences are from friends, and I rarely get properly gendered by strangers, much less by my family. I've found myself unable to bind in months due to aches, colds,, and not wanting to risk damage.    It partially makes me want to go back to the beginning of my journey, because at least then I got full euphoria. I'm pretty sure it'll be like this until I medically transition, or at the very least get top surgery (you know all those trans dudes online with tiny chests? Not me, unfortunately). It's a bit depressing, but at least I know that, eventually, there's a way out of this.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Major mood, right here ^^^    I've listened to Lumineers to a long time (a major portion of it by osmosis via my mom), so that is almost painfully relatable
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As for getting a button-up/formal pants suit, you can try to talk to her more -- Cis women in tuxes have worn tuxes in recent years, after all, (for example, Zendaya) so it can still be a relatively safe topic. For jumpsuits, I'd recommend going with a simple one with a blazer, if you can -- this'll make it look overall more masculine. There's a lot of good brands, but going for one without a lot of extra glitz on it will make it look less feminine under a blazer. I don't know many specific brands though since I usually just get my stuff from chain stores, sorry :<   When it comes to your hair, if you can't cut it, you can look up tutorials on fluffing it up instead. If you can pull it off, it can look a lot shorter and more androgynous instead!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...