Gender Dysphoria and Social Anxiety Disorder

[Harrison]

    So I have scoured the internet on the topic of social anxiety disorder and its association with gender dysphoria. However, I have yet to find any information on the process of realizing one’s gender identity after having lived through years of social anxiety disorder (or any other mental health disorder). How do you differentiate between the causes of extreme discomfort when they’re both happening simultaneously in your life?

    I was diagnosed with SAD at 14. After having been through a traumatizing puberty, my body physically couldn’t take it anymore. My digestive system was in shambles, and my brain was so tired. With medication and therapy at I finally realized just how miserable I was. It was like I had been running a marathon my whole life and was finally allowed to stop and breathe. The constant state of mental anguish I had endured for the past 14 years had become my normal and I didnt even know it. It seemed I was finally able to experience a life without anxiety and be truly happy.

    Now what does this have to do with being trans? Well in addition to the typical early childhood “signs,” of being trans, I have realized how much of my discomfort was associated with how I experienced gender. My chest, long hair, and strong desire to express masculinity were some the main causes of discomfort. I had also created a world in my head that I could escape to for relief. In this world, I was a boy (my twin brother specifically) who was the lead singer of a band and played in front of my entire school. The fact that it was that specific scenario is one of the things that puzzles me. In that fantasy, why was I in the worst place imaginable for someone with social anxiety disorder: a stage in front of my entire school?   Maybe I wasnt escaping the anxiety, but the gender dysphoria that was the underlying cause of it?

    Now I am a 20 year old college student, and I find myself more uncomfortable despite still being on my (now doubled) dose of medication. What if what I was feeling when I first started medication wasnt happiness, but rather a decrease in the discomfort I had learned to deal with my entire life? Its been 3 years of questioning my identity now and I still dont know if I feel dysphoria. I want to transition so badly but part of me is saying Im fine because I dont feel as bad as I did before my medication. But my brain has developed impeccable ways of numbing and suppressing mental pain so it would be easy to not know how unhappy I truely am. Anyone have any thoughts or advice?

 

[killjoyaiden]

What I would say is, start out small. Change the name and pronouns, start wearing men's clothes, maybe even a binder. See if that boosts your confidence even more. By what you've said, I do believe you experience gender dysphoria, and it could be one of the causes of the SAD. SAD is a complicated thing, and it isn't just one specific thing that causes it-- it's a plethora of different experiences and thoughts and chemicals that create this feeling of fear and worry. 

 

So, start out slow, and see if that helps at all with your discomfort. See if it changes how you react when you look in the mirror. 

 

We're all here for you. This is a place where you won't be judged for anything at all. We support each other. We got your back

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

[Jordy]

I suffer from Schizoaffective disorder and since coming out my mental and emotional health has gotten slowly better.  The more I dress like my true self, the more people that accept me as a guy, the more I learn and research and talk to other trans people, the better I feel.  I am on good meds that help my disorder and am 2 months on HTR.  When I realized my voice had dropped already I felt so happy.  Try having a close friend use he/him and a male name you see yourself using and see how it feels.  Gender euphoria is the greatest feeling I have ever had.

[VickySGV]

In the years I have been out, one of the things I have observed is that IF there is a question about your gender, you are Trans to some degree.  Cis gender people just never have the question come up. You cannot fully make the distinction between the SA and GD on your own, you do need a therapist or a therapy team who are knowledgeable and comfortable with GD to help you get into this.  If you are on a college campus, they may have an LGBT group on campus (or nearby) that you can start working with.  I am part of a group like that and we have members with SA problems that only say their preferred name and gender the first few meetings, but when one of the rest of us addresses them by the name and pronouns we see a light in their faces that signals their reception of our acceptance.  It is tough to figure out our gender issues, but if we focus on those issues for a while and keep them as separate as we can, we do eventually sort them out.  As mentioned above, small steps will give you a clue. A shorter hair cut often is a good step and gives away nothing.really since their are dual gender cuts that can go either way, and they will grow out in time.