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Androgynous look and not feeling like your identity


Raven1981

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Hello All:

 

So I am feeling down cause I feel like that I have hit that androgynous point in my transition and yet I am still looking too masculine.  I feel like my body is just not changing anymore.  I have small B cup breast and yes I can see that I have a booty and hips and starting to get the curves on my upper body.  But yet I am feeling trapped at that androgynous aspect right now.

 

I know it takes time and it is a slow process with puberty, but why do I have to get stuck in the androgynous phase right now.  

 

I still have dreams of a magical fairy coming into my room when I am asleep and turning me into a beautiful woman and my hairs grows nice and lush and long and my face becomes so beautiful and young looking along with getting a nice pair of C cup's and a nice well fit body and a good looking butt and hips and legs that is to die for.  This fairy then transforms all my clothes into these beautiful female clothes.

 

But then I wake up from my dream and realize that I am currently stuck in the androgynous phase right now.  I know that my numbers are looking good cause my T is in the single digits and my E is up in the mid 500's.  But why am I in this androgynous phase and why am I not changing..

 

Sorry for sounding down and sad.  I just needed a place to let out my emotions and how I am feeling right now.

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hun it doesnt matter how others percieve you its how you feel inside and make sure you feel confident and beautiful everyday just reassure yourself everyday that you are to look pretty fantastic to me and i bet a lot of others will agree

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Thank You Jo Jo.  I know part of my problem is cause I have not shaved my face since Monday and I can feel this hated facial hair.  But I need to have it grown out for my electrolysis appt.  I just feel so ugly when having it grown out and not lady like

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Amy, Jo Jo is correct. It is not pleasing others but pleasing yourself. Being who you really are. Liking who you are inside is what counts.

 

Saying that is actually contradicting myself. As I struggle to like me. It has been a problem for a while now. Not caring about me, only those I love. Have mattered the most in my life for a long long time. It is hard for me to do, I think it is one cause of my depression.

 

Kymmie 

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Try having fun with it instead of letting it get you down! I went out the other day in full boy mode. It was hilarious! I had makeup on from earlier, but I was working on my snowblower and needed some parts. I do all my dirty work in my old clothes. So I just dropped my tools and went to the store. OMG! So many funny confused looks. ?. Even my wife looked at me like I was a weirdo when I got home. She didn’t know I was out like that. She’s like what are you foing going for ftm!? ??

Youll get past it. Stay positive in the meantime however you can. And hey at least you have a B-cup. I’m stuck with a small a still. ?. But whatevs. 8grand and a day at the docs and that’ll change real fast! See!?! Be positive!!!! Last week I was honestly pondering giving up and ending everything. But a couple friends helped me thru and I see the light again! I know it’s hard to stay positive but you have to. You just have to. Or it can get very dark so quickly. 

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Hey Amy, I'm sorry you are feeling down. If that magic fairy really existed I'd ask her to trade my D cups for your facial hair.  We all go through phases of feeling stuck.  Try to focus on the now and what has already changed.  Living in the future can lead to anxiety.  Keep coming here to share with us all , we have your back.

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1 hour ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

Thank You Jo Jo.  I know part of my problem is cause I have not shaved my face since Monday and I can feel this hated facial hair.  But I need to have it grown out for my electrolysis appt.  I just feel so ugly when having it grown out and not lady like

Oh my... My Electolysis appt is today as well.

 

Ruh Roh... I may not be able to go to my appt...

 

All roads out of Desert Hot Springs are closed!

 

CHIT!!!

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1 hour ago, Kirsten said:

Try having fun with it instead of letting it get you down! I went out the other day in full boy mode. It was hilarious! I had makeup on from earlier, but I was working on my snowblower and needed some parts. I do all my dirty work in my old clothes. So I just dropped my tools and went to the store. OMG! So many funny confused looks. ?. Even my wife looked at me like I was a weirdo when I got home. She didn’t know I was out like that. She’s like what are you foing going for ftm!? ??

Youll get past it. Stay positive in the meantime however you can. And hey at least you have a B-cup. I’m stuck with a small a still. ?. But whatevs. 8grand and a day at the docs and that’ll change real fast! See!?! Be positive!!!! Last week I was honestly pondering giving up and ending everything. But a couple friends helped me thru and I see the light again! I know it’s hard to stay positive but you have to. You just have to. Or it can get very dark so quickly. 

Thank You for the idea Kristen.  I dont have my old clothes any more.  My mom wanted to do something special for me for my transition and she wants to make me a quilt out of my old clothes to not forget my past and to help me out.  All I have to wear now is my female clothes.

 

I am happy that I do have a B.  I am happy that I am losing weight.  Not as fast but losing weight.  I think I might have to go down a pants size now cause, I am having to keep pulling my pants up.  I have the skinny mid rise jeans size 12 and they are lose on me with me being 217.

 

1 hour ago, Jordy said:

Hey Amy, I'm sorry you are feeling down. If that magic fairy really existed I'd ask her to trade my D cups for your facial hair.  We all go through phases of feeling stuck.  Try to focus on the now and what has already changed.  Living in the future can lead to anxiety.  Keep coming here to share with us all , we have your back.

 

Jordy, If we can swap breast for facial hair, you can have my facial hair.  I would love to have a C cup, but seeing what my mom is and what she started at.  A B cup is the best I will have without surgery.

 

 

However, I did feel better when I saw my picture of me in my Ren. Faire dress and also in my other skinny jeans with my heels to show off my legs and hips.  My facial hair is driving me up the wall cause I need it out for my electrolysis today Friday

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That’s great! I’m under 185 now and I’m still in a 12! You must be much more petite than I. My bones are literally a size 10 I think. Oh well what am I gonna do. 

See how lucky you are to be so petite compared to me! 

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So I am still feeling very androgynous, but I am happy to finally get the dreaded facial hair off.  But on my electrolysis appt on Friday, they went very hard core and plucked out a bunch of hairs, yet my chin is very swollen.

 

 

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I hear ya! My last treatment was a week ago and my chin is still red!

 

A bit annoying actually. My major prob is my Ins will only pay for Two hours a week! It's gonna take over a year. I can't afford $55 a hour!

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