Gender fluid, maybe?

[ToniTone]

Since I started exploring my gender in recent months, studying literature on it and having dialogue about it on these forums and groups, I have finally fully accepted and grown comfortable with who I am. 

 

I'm femme leaning androgynous. To me, this means ambiguity, at the very least in appearance to people who only understand gender from a cis binary perspective. There may be fem or masc elements in appearance, but overall the image is definitively non-binary. 

 

But just the other day I considered gender fluidity. I never really identified with or understood it, identifying with an ability to "shape shift" as it were. 

 

It almost seems attractive, the idea that one could externalize as femme as the feel one day, or non-binary and non-conforming. And then masculine the next, should the moment or the impulse call for it. 

 

Is this ingenuine or inappropriate? I feel, nay know I'm truly androgynous (which again I'm totally comfortable with, just entertaining curiousity here). And I feel like gender fluidity could be abused. Like, one could externalize as a certain gender to be more comfortable (not necessarily a bad thing), to hide their identity or be accepted, or to conform to their social climate they are momentarily in to adapt to their norms. Not being fluid or externalizing as they truly feel internally and genuinely, but using it as a facade to appease and conform to others standards. Is this ingenuine, inappropriate, or vain? Or is it acceptable, or is it wrong? Have/do any of you struggle with these issues, or have a view that can help me understand it better? 

[VickySGV]

None of your negatives and all of your positives are really at play here.  It is legitimate, and within the range of normal behavior.  That range is really very wide, so to me normal itself is pretty boring.  The question that you must be prepared to answer is: "Am I comfortable in the Here and Now at any given point in time?" Getting to the point of being able to look in a mirror and saying "That's Me" however you are flexibly presenting is the goal. 

 

There are women's looks that are terrible on some women, and certain guy looks that make you look at them and go "ewwweeee" but if the person themself is comfortable looking like a wreck, I have learned to ignore what they look like and try not to let my inner reactions show, and these are Cis People I am talking about!! 

 

I am hearing a line from one of the songs my Trans Chorus of L.A. sings as the close of our public performances  "Be who you are, learn to forgive, its not about who you love but how you live!" That  has become my answer, be who I am happily, and live to be helpful to others in some way, be it music or writing, or hard labor.

[ToniTone]

Thanks, I like your advice, very sound. I am at the end of the day trying to be happy with myself and not getting caught up with worrying about other people at the compromise of myself. 

 

And I'm comfortable being a wreck, I'm a total mess, if not a HOT MESS!! LOL. 

[EliAtkins]

Terms can be easy to focus on, but can sometimes end up making the problem worse.  I feel like I'm a total mess myself with trying to figure all of this stuff out.  Personally, I believe that you should use whatever terms/self expression that resonates with you and that you feel comfortable with.  Too often we (myself included) get caught up in nitpicking definitions, but this usually ends up leading to people policing terms which can be as toxic as trying to force yourself into societal standards.

 

For the past few years I've been identifying myself as genderfluid, even though I'm not sure it fits any longer.  For me it was about acknowledging and accepting the masculinity within me while presenting as a woman. I feel like it was an important stepping stone on my personal journey because, while I'm still questioning who I am and where I'm going, I'm not sure I would be ready to do this work now if I hadn't taken the time to accept that part of myself.

 

Do what makes you happy.  This is your journey and no one else's!

[ToniTone]

❤️ Thank you! I always say I hate words, I believe they are the root of division, or at least they are an implement of it. It's easier  and more true to just to say I am me.

 

I wish I was born female, perhaps even unisex. But I accept the fact that I'm amab, despite not at all identifying as male. The only importance I place on finding the right word to describe it is for the sake of correctness, and to more concisely describe what I am to others in so many words... 

[Cyndee]

16 hours ago, EliAtkins said:

Do what makes you happy.  This is your journey and no one else's!

 

I agree with this above, living life for others on their terms, can be so depressing...

 

Life is too short to get hung up on normal

 

Cyndee -

[EliAtkins]

1 hour ago, ToniTone said:

The only importance I place on finding the right word to describe it is for the sake of correctness, and to more concisely describe what I am to others in so many words... 

 

I fully get this.  I did this with my sexuality years ago when I started identifying as ace.  I was researching all the terms I could and trying to figure out if I was a little more A or a little more B and what did that mean for me?  Would others understand it?  Except in my attempt to alleviate my confusion, I ended up making it worse.  Now I just have to look back at that and laugh.

[Kirsten]

This labeling business was a difficult thing for me when I was first starting my transition. I didn’t know what I was. And honestly I still don’t. But something changed for me. I stopped trying to figure it out. Because it really doesn’t matter what my label is. I am me. And me, well I am happy now. 

My wife says I’m Demi something or other more than anything else I guess and a couple of friends seem to agree, but as far as I am concerned,, I am trans. That makes it simple. 

And now that I am getting closer to gcs, I do see my sexuality is different as well. I have to consider myself pansexual now because I don’t care what you are. If there’s a connection, I’m in. We are even beginning talks about an eventual open relationship to some extent. Cause 2 girls and no peepees is no bueno. Lol. So what does that make me!? A polyamorous pansexual Demi girl(or boy idk which) ?!? If I said that to almost anyone anywhere they’d just look at me like I’m crazy. 

Labels are made to keep people separated. So like I said, I am simply me. And that’s good enough I think. 

 

As far as being gender fluid, I see issues for some people being able to carry on that life. It’s hard to keep up 2 personnas like that. I’d guess you would have to eventually choose your direction and stick with it. Is it disingenuous? I guess that would depend on the reasoning for that person. They could be. Or they could just be truly fluid. 

 Everyone should just be themselves. Whatever that means. And accept others as they are imho. Sorry for the wordy response. 

[ToniTone]

No wordy is fine! I'm pretty wordy myself, especially in my search of myself... Lol, 'is no bueno. I love everything about your response, so insightful into your identity and defining it, I can relate alot to it.

 

What you mentioned about multiple personnas, something I forgot to bring up! I'm kinda interested in that actually. Maybe there's a duality to my gender, which could divide into separate symbiotic entities. I use the term less (obscurity perhaps) Two Spirit, but I feel a connection to this. I sort of feel like a double agent or a spy alot of times outside of the context gender, always sort of a dissociated, outside observer of my world. I dunno, tbh sleepy time tea is kicking in and I'm kinda getting a little dreamy with these musings so yeah... 

 

Anyway, I concur that at the end of the day, I am simply me. It's all ever really wanted to be! ❤️