Howdy~

[FitToFly801]

Kind of nervous to be here, but I came to become better informed and seek advice from others. ?

 

I am here as the romantic partner of someone who recently came out to me as thinking they might be Trans. They don't know the specifics of what that means for them yet, but they're starting to work through it and are even going to therapy soon to explore themselves, and I couldn't be happier for them. 

 

Being unfamiliar with it- and them not really knowing what they want to do- has led to some anxiety on my part, but I love them, so I'm here to work through my anxiety and learn how I can support them moving forward. I have only one person I can talk to about it in my friend group, otherwise I felt coming here would be my best support during this time. 

 

I guess some general information on me, I'm a college student as a biology major, I identify as asexual but will be questioning my romantic orientation as my partner changes (previously heteroromantic, but considering I am now panromantic), I love to read and create art, and I also love photography.

 

See you around the forums, maybe!

-Claire

[killjoyaiden]

Hey, Claire! Welcome to the forums. The most important thing you can do while your partner is trying to figure out who they are is to just be there for them. You're engaged, and part of your vows is to be there for each other through hard and good times. If they say "Hey, I wanna be referred to by this name" then say okay and do it. If they come to you and ask you if a piece of clothing makes them looks feminine or masculine or androgynous, then tell them. While they're figuring themselves out, the way they want to be referred to as will change. Just be prepared for that and be prepared to make the switch. Overall, support them! They're your partner and that's what you guys are supposed to do for each other!

 

My messages are ALWAYS open!!

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

[Jani]

Hello Claire and welcome!  The thing I can offer is to be open to discussion and be supportive as you seem to be.  You both are going through changes in life and its nice to have someone to journey with.  

 

Jani 

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Claire.  The fact that you're here tells me a lot about how much you care for your s/o, and how open your heart and your mind are.  That's a great start.  Yes, just be there for them, keep communicating and listening, but also, don't be afraid to voice your own concerns and fears.  You have a stake in this, and it should not be a one sided thing.  I've seen far too often where the trans person in a relationship makes all the demands and the partner, wanting to be supportive, gives in until they feel they are being manipulated and emotionally abused.  That is something to be avoided.  We are trans people, not saints.  Bottom line is, be honest, be fair, be strong, and be willing to compromise, but also insist that your partner do the same.  That is only fair.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Welcome Claire.

My wife and i have become closer through my transition.  It was certainly hard at first but time has given both of us a path towards acceptance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[FitToFly801]

Thank you everyone for the welcomes! I appreciate it. ^-^

 

I have let my partner know that I am ready and willing to change names/pronouns if or when they feel like they're ready to, but for now they're still questioning and it's going to take time before they make that kind of a switch. 

 

Also I'm glad you mentioned voicing my own concerns because I do have a habit of putting them before myself, but during our conversation I was able to request that they be honest with me moving forward about their feelings towards me and if those change as they do. 

 

They did say something that confused me though. When I asked them if they wanted me to stay, they said their gut instinct was to say yes, but some part of them was holding them back. They felt it would be unfair to me, but when I asked why it would be unfair, they didn't know.

 

Would anyone know why someone would think it unfair to keep their cis-partner in their life after coming out as Trans?

[Kirsten]

Well it’s the transition itself. It’s a very difficult thing to do. And I’m sure they just don’t want you to feel trapped. There’s no way of telling if this transition is going to be right for you or them. It’s truly a long hard learning process full of major ups and downs. The relationship will change. A lot. They will change as a person. As will you. The looks in public. The judgements of friends and family. Surgeries, wardrobe changes, physical changes, there’s just a real lot involved. I’m sure they just don’t want to hurt you or have you hurt by others either. Or to lose people you love because it is an unfortunate truth in transition. This is where the uncertainty comes from. From the love care and respect they have for you. 

[FitToFly801]

I didn't consider all of that before. They had mentioned they were afraid to tell me because while they knew I probably wouldn't hold it against them (of course not), they were still worried I wouldn't want to date them as a Trans person. They've told a few trusted friends that support them, and they think their mother might support them as well, which is good.

 

I want to be their rock during this time. I also have a shirt I might get as we move forward, if he changes to a she, it's a shirt with the Trans flag that says "Proud to be her girlfriend," and I might wear it to surprise them.

 

What you said makes sense though because I told them, "Don't make a choice based on what you think would be best for me. I want to stay and make things work. Make a choice based on what you want." And that's when they told me they want to try this. So maybe they are afraid of me getting hurt by other things.

[KymmieL]

Claire, Welcome the the pulse. I myself have benefited from being here. It wasn't mentioned by yourself or others. Has your S.O thought of seeking out a therapist. They should. I know myself I have benefited from it. 

Remember all of us here have gone/ are going through the very same things.

 

thank you for supporting the one you love. It does help.

 

Kymmie

[VickySGV]

I spent the weekend around a young married couple where one partner is Trans, and the big item was they had fun together and worked as a team, relying on each other and trusting each other to back them up as needed.  It was easy to see their relationship working.  I was involved with them on a team trying to make another Trans friend's special day even more special, and while I am no judge, being Trans myself, they were just an ordinary couple working hard at playing together.  Trans people who are living their own truths tend to do the same things  Cis / Het couples do.  We just have to get other people to believe that, but we do not need to break our necks doing so.