Dysphoria.. God, does it ever end??

[killjoyaiden]

I feel like I can't even talk anymore without going down a rabbit hole of dysphoria. All I wanna do is just stay in bed all day.. I've worn the same outfit for about four days now.. The only reason why I took a shower today was because my nephews and my sister came over and I hadn't seen them in three years. I just.. I can't take this much longer. I really, really can't. I'm not strong enough. It feels like nothing is ever going to get better. It seems like it's never going to end. It's all just.. pointless. I can't function anymore. I just can't. I can't.

[tracy_j]

I find that it is like many other things. Dysphoria is a reaction to something. It is determining that something and working to avoid it. Obviously that is the easy technical answer, but doing little things, in my case doing as much as I could to avoid social dysphoria situations (mainly very male environments) helped a lot. Not having fully transitioned I cannot speak with experience, but it does get better as long as one tries to work with and around it, not fight against or ignore.

 

Tracy

[VickySGV]

Dysphoria and Major Depression can BOTH be in the same body at the same time and each can be treated, although the depression part can use the GD to fool you out of treating that  part.  Treated depression will not prevent you from accessing treatment for the GD and knowing it is real.  I have both, and the depression still sneaks in every now and again even with my Transition now nearly 10 years in progress. 

[StrainAsylum]

Are you on antidepressants?  I'm on Paxil and Lamictal (mood stabilizer) and though I still get depressed, it is distant.  My mind is NOT negatively impacted, but I find it easier to get past the inertia that sometimes comes.  Have you had a full blood work up lately?  You might have other issues contributing, too.

 

Hang in there, please.  I've been in that same situation, I swear.  Seek medical help as well as mental health assistance.  You don't have to struggle alone.

[Clara_D]

Sounds like what I went through for *years.* Not getting out of bed, not bathing for months, not bothering to eat, etc.

 

FWIW, I had to deal with my other psyche problems (depression/bipolar) and get them properly medicated  before I could even begin to get a handle on the dysphoria.  It's easier to come to terms with yourself once the self-loathing has been knocked down a few pegs.

[killjoyaiden]

I'm taking sertraline, which is a cheaper medication than the name-brands and is used to treat depression, anxiety, ocd, and sometimes eating disorders. i havent been taking it, though, because i dont like how it makes me feel. 

[EliAtkins]

You might want to consider talking to your doctor/psychiatrist....whoever it was that prescribed the meds for you.  If you don't like how it makes you feel then you might need a different dose or a different medication altogether.

[killjoyaiden]

im just tired of this cycle. i dont wanna rely on meds to function.. i dont know.. i just kinda wanna push it behind closed doors and deal with it on my own. 

[Clara_D]

Spontaneously not taking psych meds can be *bad,* unless the side effects are directly affecting your health beyond making you "feel weird," it's not wise to do that without the advice of your doctor, as it will make your mood plummet.

 

You need to work with your prescriber to find something that works without unpleasant side effects -- which will require a lot of patience, experimenting with each medication with take 2-3 months because most psyche meds have to build up in your system before they start working.  And sometimes it takes a combo of medication -- I'm on three different ones right now.

 

I've been down that road, they literally tried *every* SSRI there was on me, and it took several years to go through them all, until I got tired of it, told the shrink I'd been on EVERYTHING and demanded a mood stabilizer.  After wasting almost 10 years of my life . . . I turned out to be bipolar, not just depressive.

Enough babble, summary:

 

(A) If you're seeing a regular doctor, get a referral to a psychiatrist.

(B) You have to work with a professional, it will take experimenting.

(C) Please, for all that's Holy (or Unholy if you prefer) DON'T cold-turkey psyche meds.

[VickySGV]

17 minutes ago, killjoyaiden said:

i havent been taking it, though, because i dont like how it makes me feel. 

 

Please call your doctor immediately or you can get into serious trouble.  I am the parent of an adult child who has depression problems and with the RIGHT medication life is so much better. 

[StrainAsylum]

Please DO get with your doctor for an alternative medication.  Those of us who are clinically depressed have a chemical imbalance and NEED to be on medication.  It's not a matter of just pushing through.  I had to try several different ones before I got on Paxil (Paroxetene HCl, which is the generic), which doesn't make my mind feel foggy.  I simply don't connect with the depression, though I am able to be proactive with my life and take initiative to improve my life.  PLEASE try different meds.

[killjoyaiden]

I don't like that the meds make me fake happy... I don't know, it's happiness, but it's only plastic. It doesn't feel like the real thing. My brain feels even more messed up and disconnected when I take them.

[Clara_D]

6 hours ago, killjoyaiden said:

I don't like that the meds make me fake happy... I don't know, it's happiness, but it's only plastic. It doesn't feel like the real thing. My brain feels even more messed up and disconnected when I take them.

 

It's the wrong ones, then.  From someone who's tried most of them: you shouldn't feel spaced out, disconnected, or just plain numb.

 

Once you get the right one, it won't necessarily make you "happy" but it should make you "not unhappy" (hopefully that makes sense).

[Lexi C]

Hey Sweetie, I feel yr pain...I have too fight with my self to go to the gym, but I do and I will better after. Also, Yoga helps me. However, I when go to gym I am in CD mode, because I still cant afford my facial Feminization surgery and Electrolysis plus I am bald and wear a wig, and I at first I was super depress at the stares and everyone call me dude or sir, I was not aloud to pee in the woman had to go to man room, but I still fought every day and still fighting today with myself to go gym and I feel great. I don't play attention to stares and looks. And I made my dr write a letter so now I can use the lady room to pee. Good Luck, Be beautiful , be proud and stay strong Alex

[Kole Rickard]

On 3/29/2019 at 1:09 PM, killjoyaiden said:

I'm taking sertraline, which is a cheaper medication than the name-brands and is used to treat depression, anxiety, ocd, and sometimes eating disorders. i havent been taking it, though, because i dont like how it makes me feel. 

You saw what happened to me when I didn't take my medications. I know it makes you feel numb and depressing, but like you told me, tell  a doctor and figure it out. If you don't take them they make situations a lot more worse.

[killjoyaiden]

i dont know if its connected to this, but lately (like the past few days) ive been having REALLY bad dizzy spells. the other day, i stood at my cloest to get some pj's, and i suddenly, almost instantly, got so dizzy i had to grab on to the rod where the hangers hang from in order to prevent myself from falling backwards. it's been happening more and more.... i dont know. im getting close to just saying *censor* it and start taking them again. 

 

@Clara_D That's how it makes me feel, and I don't like it. i would rather just do behavioral therapy and work through it naturally than having my brain altered by chemicals that werent there before. i dont know, i dont even like taking ibuprofen. i just hate medications because i like having my body work through things naturally. 

[illisson]

If you don't mind a newcomer and stranger jumping in with his two cents:

 

I absolutely agree with what everyone here has already said. I've been on the generic version of Lexapro for a while now, and although it took a few months to find the right dosage, it's been a life-changer for me. It doesn't make me feel happy, numb, dissociated, or anything like that; it just makes the anxiety and depressive thoughts less overwhelming, easier to analyze rationally, and deal with in a healthy way.

 

Before Lexapro, my mind would fixate on something (say, my husband dying in a car accident on his way home from work), and I'd be stuck in a panic--often for hours--until I could find something else that was strong enough to wrest my attention away from the anxiety. Now, I'll still have the occasional flash of anxiety, but I'm able to recognize it for what it is (my mind trying to go into overdrive about something that isn't worth fixating on), set it aside, and go on with my day. The same happens with my depression. I can recognize depressive thoughts when they start to form (which isn't nearly as often as it used to be!), and set them aside.

 

Overall, it feels like I've finally gained control over my mind, which had been lying to me (via depression) and trying to panic me (via anxiety) for so long. I'll always be an advocate of therapy, but therapy alone wasn't enough for me to overcome the chemical imbalance in my brain that made it prone to ruining my day. I view my Lexapro as a tool that goes hand-in-hand with therapy to manage my depression and anxiety.

 

Anyway, back to you. Working with a therapist sounds like a fantastic idea. Have you contacted one yet?