Am I transgender or is it just a sexual feeling?

[gracey01]

Hello. I am a 17 year old male and I m currently considering the fact that I may be transgender. I have had desires to be a girl since I was around 4 years old, and these haven t gone away as I have got older. As I started puberty I began to dress in women s clothing and go out as a girl every now and then. These feelings often go away when I m busy, but they always come back, usually when I am doing something such as work or I am alone. These feelings are often just strong desires to be accepted and seen as a woman, and to be like the women around me (it s almost like a feeling of jealousy). However, despite this, I also worry that it may just be sexual or a fetish. This is because whenever I mas****ate, I get this guilty feeling and all my thoughts of being trans go away, sometimes for minutes, hours or even days, although they do always come back eventually. In addition to this, I get excited about the thought of being a girl one day, which I worry is a sexual thing, although it could just be because my desires to be female are so strong? The final thing I worry about is that I am confusing my feelings of deep admiration and attraction to women with being one or wanting to be one, and that could be what it is. As you can tell I m really confused and any guidance would be great

[Jackson Max]

It does sound like your trans and for the fact of thinking it could be sexual that’s common because of the pleasure factor but also surgery is not a requirement so if you like the pleasure of being sexual as a male then you can avoid bottom surgery but identify as a girl and get top surgery and hormones

[Beverly]

Hi Gracey,

Your questioning and the thoughts you're having are normal. Taking care of yourself (mas****ate) shouldn't cause guilt. It's a normal, healthy and necessary part of life. It's best to work these things out with a professional therapist who understands gender identity issues, if possible. Best wishes.

[ToniTone]

Before I say anything, I just want to mention I'm relatively new (like a few months though I knew it deep down my whole life) to being out about being trans and haven't started hormones yet, and I'm not a medical professional. So I can only speak from my experience. 

 

I'm 32 now. I was about your age the first time I "came out". My ex helped me realize I was bi (or pan rather) and androgynous. It was a really simple, open, casual conversation (with some androgynous fashion art/photography involved <.<) one night that made me realize whoI was. 

 

And for my high school and early 20s college years, I was free. Never felt the need to explain my identity to anyone, and I never thought really hard at all about it. I just flirted with boys and girls alike, and dressed feminine or androgynous or punk rock as I pleased. I would be so flattered when I was flirted with or confused for a girl. 

 

Passing as a female was easier in my teens and early 20s. I was very skinny, and I'm a 5'4" shortie. Always had long or wild hairstyles. Never considered that I was trans or for that matter would pursue transition bc I didn't know anything about it, and I still wasn't fully through puberty yet, so I still had very "boyish charm". Being a girl was just natural to me back then. Now I'm 32 and have love handles and toothpick skinny legs with a potato body. 

 

At 17, though you're almost at legal adult age and you think you're mature, you're still going through adolescence, physically and mentally. You're young and eager, but be patient and learn who you are! I don't know when is a good time to transition in any way, SHOULD you come to realize you are truly trans. But 20s are an awesome decade of learning (college is awesome, should you choose to go), discovery, adventure, and also a prime time to learn how to be a responsible adult. You have a whole decade plus of awesome ahead of you! (30s are awesome too, but let's not worry that just yet, and just say things get unreally real)

 

Best advice in the meantime: ask about what you need to know on forums such as this one. There's alot of folks here who are so helpful and supportive. Find a local trans support group in your area. Find a supportive gender counselor you can discuss your feelings with. Don't stuff how you feel down if hiding it makes you miserable (like I did for the past ten plus years, would have been happier if I just stayed out I think). 

 

Take care, wherever you're path of self-realization may lead you! 

[JustKatie]

Hey Gracey

 

So, I wouldn't worry about if it's a fetish or not because even if it is it's not a big deal at all

 

If you really want to have a test, get dressed up as you usually do but don't masturbate, just potter about your house and do whatever you need to do and see how you feel.

 

you've got a ton of time to figure out who and what you are so don't worry

[VickySGV]

One of my common lines in these discussions that has yet to be shown to be un-true, is that if you are even mildly questioning your Gender Identity, you are some level of Trans person, since Cis people will never question their gender.  The possibility just does not cross their minds at all.  Now that we have that on the wall, the job is to find out what you will need to do to live a happy productive life with the Gender Dysphoria and all its rights and privileges and the dirty stuff as well. 

 

One of the strange things about our human bodies is that our external sex organs that are pretty small really interact with the biggest sex organ we have which is up in our cranium.  Yes, the brain!!  Ideas that excite you and make you hopeful some how affect external sex organs, and to a smaller degree make the brain even happier.  Sex and our organs are not the villains too many people make them out to be.  Your idea of what will make you whole and happy is exciting and makes you feel good, so don't put too much on the Sex thing until you have spent some time with a Gender Therapist, who is an ordinary Psychologist / Social Worker etc. who has an interest in Trans people and their good health.  It will take a while, but don't let that or your doubts get in the way of making an appointment.   Gender Dysphoria is persistent, consistent and insistent.  

[Kirsten]

7 hours ago, VickySGV said:

One of my common lines in these discussions that has yet to be shown to be un-true, is that if you are even mildly questioning your Gender Identity, you are some level of Trans person, since Cis people will never question their gender.  The possibility just does not cross their minds at all. 

I am starting to disagree with this. Now that transgender is becoming less taboo I think this will start to change. I think that people with mental issues will wonder if being trans could be what’s wrong with them. Obviously in many places it is still very taboo, but I have met 1 person in the last month that was considering transition because of a therapist and eventually saw they weren’t trans at all and it was all just “a possible easy excuse” for how they were feeling. Ultimately there was nothing to it. But the questioning part is starting to change. I even have a coworker who’s daughter has a trans friend at school and this person is “cool” and there is now a group of them. Almost like little fad groups. Hopefully it’s not gonna be the norm. 

[VickySGV]

2 hours ago, Kirsten said:

But the questioning part is starting to change. I even have a coworker who’s daughter has a trans friend at school and this person is “cool” and there is now a group of them.

 

My statement does not apply to children who have not been harshly taught rigid gender frameworks or had them sink in.  Children are gender adventurous or gender creative, and now that the strict boundaries between male gender and female gender have been relaxed, they are taking full advantage of it as long as parents and society do not try to bully them out of it.  They have not had time to fully internalize what gender society is trying to force them into.  They are not really questioning their birth sex / gender alignment, just how they express their lives. This type of behavior will change maybe several times very quickly and that it good.  It is a fine line between Gender Creative and Transgender behaviors but as long as the person's view that they are not going to be properly identified in the gender they feel remains consistent, persistent and insistent that it is not the gender society assigns them, then they are Trans to some level that they must work out.  My view on this is the result of having taken part in professional conferences with therapists and social workers who deal with the Trans community over the last 10 years as well as the 8 years I have been part of the forums here. 

[Kirsten]

??

[ToniTone]

I think this ties in to what all I was trying to say in my long drawn out reply. When I was younger, I wasn't fully through puberty yet. So I was very content with my body then no gender dysphoria. Now that I'm in my 30s, my body has settled into masculine form and I hate it, gender/body dysphoria bad! 

 

I think it's great that culture is opening up to trans issues, even if just a little. I do think considering one's gender should be taken sincerely, thoughtfully and thoroughly. It's not a fan or a phase or something fashionable, it's something at the core of who someone is. 

[Clara_D]

I went through the same thing.  Part of it was that I like girls, so also *being* a girl added some spice to it.  Plus being at that age where chronic horniness is just par for the course.

[tapeleg42]

On 3/27/2019 at 12:25 PM, gracey01 said:

These feelings are often just strong desires to be accepted and seen as a woman, and to be like the women around me (it s almost like a feeling of jealousy). However, despite this, I also worry that it may just be sexual or a fetish....I get excited about the thought of being a girl one day, which I worry is a sexual thing, although it could just be because my desires to be female are so strong? The final thing I worry about is that I am confusing my feelings of deep admiration and attraction to women with being one or wanting to be one, and that could be what it is.

This is just about identical to what I'm currently going through.  Your feeling of jealousy and admiration towards being female mirror my own.  I only just joined here so I've got a lot to figure out, but take solace in the fact that you're a more than ten years younger than I am, so you have a lot more time to reflect and figure yourself out.  Take it slow and don't rush it.  I look forward to reading more about your progress!

[Alice Woodstock]

On 3/27/2019 at 2:25 PM, gracey01 said:

Hello. I am a 17 year old male and I m currently considering the fact that I may be transgender. I have had desires to be a girl since I was around 4 years old, and these haven t gone away as I have got older. As I started puberty I began to dress in women s clothing and go out as a girl every now and then. These feelings often go away when I m busy, but they always come back, usually when I am doing something such as work or I am alone. These feelings are often just strong desires to be accepted and seen as a woman, and to be like the women around me (it s almost like a feeling of jealousy). However, despite this, I also worry that it may just be sexual or a fetish. This is because whenever I mas****ate, I get this guilty feeling and all my thoughts of being trans go away, sometimes for minutes, hours or even days, although they do always come back eventually. In addition to this, I get excited about the thought of being a girl one day, which I worry is a sexual thing, although it could just be because my desires to be female are so strong? The final thing I worry about is that I am confusing my feelings of deep admiration and attraction to women with being one or wanting to be one, and that could be what it is. As you can tell I m really confused and any guidance would be great

 

I'm new here and it can relate to my own history in certain degree. I'm 36, start questioning two years ago. Become a woman over internet and now have 7 months that I live as woman full time. I not begin with parties or anything like that, since I'm was never a very social person I start with routine like go to the store, or to the therapist. For me was the most right decision I ever made, I begun to like myself much more. HRT made my body much more beautiful to me. I was never happy with a man's body. Like you I admire women to the point I had to work with myself to not feel inferior to a cis woman. My ability to pass is relatively good and my voice on the phone was already feminine, so I try to work my day to day voice based on that. But even when people don't see me as cis I find it much better than be considered a man. Only you can decide but for me was the right decision. Even if it's much harder to get a date with someone as a Lesbian, I don't regret anything. (sorry about my grammar mistakes, I'm not a native speaker)

[Lexi C]

Hey I am 55yr..I feel exactly like you do  Alice..God your story  really hit home. I just start my HRT 4months ago and I still look like a man, my voice is still manly. I know once you start on HRT you would want or at least with me, you cant get an orgasm and  erection is super painful....So if you still have those feelings about being with a woman then just CD...I fight with myself everyday because of this and what you said in your opening paragraph. Good Luck

[Alice Woodstock]

20 hours ago, Alex C said:

Hey I am 55yr..I feel exactly like you do  Alice..God your story  really hit home. I just start my HRT 4months ago and I still look like a man, my voice is still manly. I know once you start on HRT you would want or at least with me, you cant get an orgasm and  erection is super painful....So if you still have those feelings about being with a woman then just CD...I fight with myself everyday because of this and what you said in your opening paragraph. Good Luck

 

Thank you ❤️ and I wish best luck for you too.

I still didn't had sex after my HRT (7 months like I said, begin with testosterone blockers and now 1 month with estrogen) but with myself I only feel the decrease of libido. Erections and orgasms are still ok, and even sometimes I have to control my mind to not get an erection at wrong times (sometimes hug a woman can cause that ). My body feels different but in a good way, I think I had luck. I really hope to learn how my new body works when I have the opportunity to be with a girlfriend. (sorry if TMI, I think hormones can work different for each person)

[Lexi C]

wow that amazing...glad to hear that,,,yeah I have been bless two way's I have a great shape( estrogen is suppose make it eveny more curve, I have been told) and my skin. I was burn with smooth skin so that helps with putting on my make. However, I am bald and have super manly hands which make re-think the who process, You pic your great and you are young which is a big plus. good Luck Be Proud and Stay Strong

[Alice Woodstock]

11 hours ago, Alex C said:

wow that amazing...glad to hear that,,,yeah I have been bless two way's I have a great shape( estrogen is suppose make it eveny more curve, I have been told) and my skin. I was burn with smooth skin so that helps with putting on my make. However, I am bald and have super manly hands which make re-think the who process, You pic your great and you are young which is a big plus. good Luck Be Proud and Stay Strong

 

Thank you ❤️ you are very kind.