Hi, my name is Clover

[ButYouDontLook~]

Warning - very long post ahead which is basically my life story

 

    Hi, my name is Clover and I've recently realized I'm non-binary. For a very long time I struggled with my gender identity. I was assigned female at birth, but as I got older I started to realize that I wasn't just completely a girl. This was before I knew anything about being non-binary or genderqueer, but I knew about being transgender. However, I knew I was not transgender. I knew I didn't want to transition to male. I didn't know what to call how I felt, and I didn't want to say I was trans because that isn't true and I didn't want to be disrespectful by saying I was. So for several years I just continued to live as I did, but just saying I was female. Luckily I'm able to masquerade as female (I'm not out yet to ANYONE that I know personally) while still being able to live a more non-binary life. I've always been a "tomboy" so nobody is surprised when I wear men's clothing or do/enjoy "manly" things. 

    I've lived a very rough life. I won't go into all the details because it may be triggering to some. My parents split when I was only 9. After I turned 10 we had to move two hours away from home and live with my grandma, and I was miserable. My mom was depressed and practically pretended my brother and I didn't exist. I developed depression around the same time, which went untreated for years. I wasn't popular and middle-high school was pretty miserable. I had many crappy boyfriend's along the way. Around my junior year I really just stopped caring about what other people thought of me and just did my own thing. Then I graduated a year early. Everyone hears that and is like "omg you're so smart!" but in reality I went into an alternative school program because I was failing whoops. I mean yes, I guess I am smart. I was one of the kids who did super well in elementary and middle school but then totally blew it in high school. It was mostly because I kinda just gave up and did the bare minimum. 

    But now I'm out of school so yay! 

Another thing I realized is that my brother and I are autistic. I was always a little off, but everyone was just like "oh she's just being a kid." But the the show The Good Doctor came out and I related so much to Sean, the main character and autistic surgeon resident. So I started doing research (on reputable websites) and the pieces just sort of fell into place and everything made so much more sense. Unfortunately, I apparently "don't look autistic" so nobody really believes me. 

    I also have fibromyalgia, which sucks a whole bunch. I live with a lot of pain, but I'm doing my best to handle it. 

 

Some little fun facts about me:

- I like the YouTube channel Game Grumps

- I like the YouTube channel Game Theory (and their second channel GT Live)

- I like art 

- I like music and love to sing

- I'm 5'4" and only realize how short I am when standing next to my boyfriend in a mirror

- I like to eat (it's a problem) 

- I play video games sometimes, and dungeons and dragons

 

TLDR: my name is Clover, I'm non-binary, my life sucked, I'm autistic, I have fibromyalgia, fun facts

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums Clover.  Take part where you want to and ask questions we can help you answer and just be you.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Clover.  Thanks so much for telling us about yourself.  Congrats on graduating!  What are your plans for the future?  Please feel free to post where you like and ask any questions.  We'll do our best to answer.  You are among friends here.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[tracy_j]

Hi Clover,

 

Welcome!

 

Tracy

[Charlize]

Welcome Clover.

Thank you for you introduction.  Sharing with others often helped me.  Hope you find the same.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Welcome Clover!  I'm glad you've joined us.  

 

Jani