Questioning and consfuse

[Fuyuko]

Hi

I've been asking myself question about my gender (like a lot of folks on this forum I guess) since a couple of week. It really new to me and confusing since I never ever question it before.

It started when I cut my hair really short (while I always had them really long). One of my friend ask me if I was sure I wasn't transgender, since I wear "male clothing and don't really like girl stuff. Plus, I did mention that if I could I would like to get ride of my breast (not really because I feel uncomfortable of having them, more because it annoying to take care of).

But, I know I am not transgender, I don't feel like it could be that. I actually though I might be more nonbinary (or something similar?).

Since I cut my hair I look even more androgynous than I did before, so it happen that people think I'm a boy. Honestly I don't really mind it and don't feel like correcting them since it don't bother me (and it save me the funny/awkward moment where they say sorry so many time). More I don't about it and more I realize I don't really care about gender. I mostly go by my assigned gender since it what people see first or already know, but I don't feel uncomfortable with he/him either.

I have a personality which is a lot on the "I don't care about anything" side, so I wasn't sure if it was that, or something else.

So I was wondering if it might non-binary? Or even if it was okay to feel comfortable with she/her, they/them and he/him?

[Charlize]

Finding a path forward with our gender can be difficult for anyone who isn't cis gender.  Those individuals don't suffer from the doubts and issues i've felt sop often in my life.  it sounds as if you too have issues and are searching for answers.  I will answer your last question.....

Just now, Fuyuko said:

Or even if it was okay to feel comfortable with she/her, they/them and he/him?

with a large Yes.  

You are not alone.  Many of those hear have learned or are learning that they can accept themselves as they are rather than having to live up to the expectations of others.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kole Rickard]

If you do not feel transgender and do not feel fem and feel an urge of masc, I would consider you being a demi-boy. 

[ToniTone]

 

Hi and welcome! You're in a great place to ask and find support. 

 

Thought this video had some interesting points about more gender neutral spectrum. Though I must say I don't agree with alot of the androgynous (on the right) identifying's description entirely. They describe it more as an appearance, almost to the implication that androgyny is a fashion moreso than a gender. 

 

If had to say, I'd say non-binary is more pure neutral, whereas androgyny is a mix or ambiguity of gender and/or agender qualities. 

 

In a world so influenced by binary 'norms', these terms are kind of alien. 

 

I agree, your description sounds like demi might be appreciate.

[Fuyuko]

@Charlize thank you for your answer, I wasn't sure since I often see either she/they or he/they, never the three of them (even if they/them doesn't exist in French). I see it on Tumblr, but I judged it wasn't the best place to ask.

 

@Kole Rickard thank for you answer too, even if I'm not totally familiar with the term demi-boy and that I'm not exactly sure of what it mean. Do you think you could try to explain?

[Kole Rickard]

I can! I have a close friend that referred them self as they/them as genderfluid. Though they didn't feel fem at all. They switched from fem to masc here and there to see which one they fit the most. They came out as a demiboy very recently since they felt a lot more masc than fem. Though, they know that they are biologically a girl, they just dont acknowledge it. They dont say that theyre trans, that just straight forward say that they are a boy with no context.

 

[Lexi C]

Question? is the a Demi girl or woman in my case. Cuz I feel like I want to be a woman and my last sexual experiences have been with men only, but consistently find myself attractive to women..its very confusing   

[Fuyuko]

@Kole Rickard thank you, I understand a little better what demi-boy/girl mean now. I am not sure if it exactly how I feel (but I'm really bad at understanding myself), but it is good to know.

Even if I can be more Macs than fem, I don't unaknowledged the fact that I'm a girl too, even if I don't necessarily look fem.

(I'm not sure how to explain it)

[killjoyaiden]

Hey, message me and maybe I can help you figure it out! I recently helped my friend, who came out as a demiboy. They were really anxious and depressed about it because they didn't know what they were. We talked it out and they eventually figured it out.

 

We're here for you! 

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

[tracy_j]

A lot of it is difficult to put a finger on as everyone is different. I have tended to drift around all over the place. I think the main thing I can say about me is that (apart from the reproductive side of things) gender has little or no meaning. Now my social interaction though is far more relaxed as female as the dysphoria has gone. I have found that after living for some years dressed, and behaving more, fully female 99.9% of the time that  things are really just a way of life and I am just me whatever that may be. I think it confuses people a lot as I am adressed as male and female at different times by different people. I wonder what people think, but only really feel annoyed when I am wearing a dress or skirt and addressed as 'sir'. I don't complain as it is either habit or a mistake (usually very local so a good relationship is helpful - laugh it off, but most just avoid pronouns). In other places people usually do realise their mistake and correct themselves on the next occasion.

 

I think what I am saying here is that, from experience, your thoughts are not unusual, for any age range or nominal gender. Just explore your feelings and let things fall into place. There is professional help around in the form of gender therapists if things get too much, or you see things moving on.

 

Tracy