Emotions

[Raven1981]

I am not feeling like my normal happy perky self.  I am feeling sad, depressed, unwanted, lonely.  I have been trying to keep it off my mind with my Ballet class on Tuesday and my voice training on Friday.  But when I stop and not think, I feel sad and depressed and unwanted.  It's almost to the point where I just want to go underground.

[VickySGV]

I hope you have signaled that to your therapist already, but here is my thinking pattern:  On a scale of 1 to 10, before our start with hormones our sensitivity to some of the emotional stuff was a 3 at best, and now some of it goes off the darn scale when we least expect it.  Another thought shoved around is that we put so much stress into making our first meaningful steps of transition, and this gave us an adrenaline rush that wired us up pretty good in a fight or flight situation.  Believe me that can be a self inflicted high, but when you come off it, it leaves a vacuum and hangover that is hell.  The same thing happens to girls and guys in the months after GCS when everyone gets tired of hearing about your dilating schedule and not right nerves.  Hang on, but remember we are working toward uneventful boring lives as our true gender aren't we?  (Said me never.)

[killjoyaiden]

Oh my god, Amy, I feel exactly the same way. Just remember that there is a whole forum's worth of people who love you! We're all a family here and we stick together. We have your back!

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

 

[Josie Beth]

Amy, I go through the roller coaster of emotions all the time. Sometimes I just want to crawl under the blankets and not come out. Sometimes it takes every little ounce of energy to get out of bed and go to work, not because I hate my job but because I feel like nothing is happening. But even though I don’t always reply to everything here that I read, it’s always the place I know I can go and find something to ground me and give me just the push I need to keep going. Hang in there. 

[Raven1981]

Thank you everyone.  I had a fun skype call with my therapist.  I always feel better after talking to my therapist.  She helped me out a bit.  She had me go in front of the mirror and tell her what I see and so I did and then she told me what she see's in the mirror for me.  I know that this might sound super fiscal here, but she did tell me that we need to make sure to keep Amy happy and one way to can do that is to just get myself all dressed up and get all glamorized up and just take pictures of myself.  She suggested to stay away from social media for awhile as well since social media tends to have weird effects on people as well.

 

So I am planning and taking some pictures of just myself all done up just to have fun with it.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[Lexi C]

1. Amy she right When I feel super low that what I do. What ever you do not criticize your self. I see the pic's as proof that I belong in this world as not just a beautiful woman but human...hope you share...lots hugs 

[Kirsten]

When I get like that my wife tells me to fake it till ya make it. It sounds stupid and doesn’t always help, but sometimes it does. When I can’t get out of my own head and nothing else is working I run. I put on my headphones, blast some hardcore gangsta rap and I run. Hard and fast. Till I hurt. By then I’m usually over whatever it is. At least for a while. But the eventual right thing to do is to work through it. Figure out what’s really bothering you and do what you can to remove it. I know easier said than done. But that’s when that fake it till ya make it comes in play. 

[Raven1981]

Thanks @Kirsten  I liked how I was on a skype call with my therapist and she had me look in the mirror with her to tell her what I see.  I am planning on taking some pictures of myself that I will not be allowed to post, but I would like to get dressed up kinda of sultry and take some selfies on the bed like some Boudoir pictures.  Just want to have some fun with myself taking pictures like that to make me happy.

 

Then I am just counting down till my first voice lesson so I can work on my voice and not sounding fake.

 

I am glad that I am working out to lose my stomach and since I have started the C25K app for my running.  I am thinking on trying to take it up a notch on my running and do more than what the app has me doing