"new"

[ScarredBeauty]

Hey. My name's Daniel. I'm "new" to this whole thing. I say new with quotes because this is something I've struggled with this since I was in middle school but I live in a small, very judgmental town and was afraid to talk to anyone. My wife of 6 years is actually the one that encouraged me to follow my heart. I started in September of 2018 and am looking for any helpful tips and support.

[ScarredBeauty]

I guess it's still a little hard for me to come out about this. I don't know any proper terminology or what steps I should be taking for my transition

[Lightbrite]

Hey Daniel similar for me. New on here as of yesterday. I came out to my wife about two months ago as well.

 

I started going to a therapist specializing in gender last month. Is that an option for you?

[Ellora]

4 hours ago, ScarredBeauty said:

I guess it's still a little hard for me to come out about this. I don't know any proper terminology or what steps I should be taking for my transition

Hi! Welcome! You came to the right place if you have these questions. There are plenty of loving and supportive people here. Until you feel comfortable about any “terminology,” hang around and read about other people’s life stories. You made some huge steps already, and that’s great that your wife is supportive about how you feel. You don’t need to come out until you feel that you are ready. Therapists are helpful when you are ready to talk to someone about how you feel. Research local LGBT groups. I’m am also MtF, and I’m not always comfortable with “labels,” sometimes I feel they are not necessary because they don’t always matter. I’ve used “trans women “ female and woman to describe myself. To me, I’m a female with boy parts. But first and foremost I am female. 

Stay strong, embrace and enjoy the woman inside you! 

 

 

[ToniTone]

Hi and welcome! I just started using this forum a month or so ago myself, it's a great place to find help. Folks here are quite friendly and supportive. You can open up and ask all you need. 

 

I understand where you're coming from, I never really identified as male since like middle school age. But never was out about. In high school I just kinda lived androgyny and free and never really thought about it. As an adult I just kinda settled into "manning up", and it was miserable. 

 

I just accepted my trans identity in recent months and am now transitioning, so I'm not too knowledgeable in terminology proper. But I study this stuff often because I'm eager to learn more about my gender identity and the trans community. 

 

There are alot of folks here with various backgrounds and experiences who can relate. Feel free to ask what you need, folks on here nothing if not eager to help! ❤️

 

~Toni

[Jani]

Hello to ScarredBeauty (Daniel) and Lightbrite.  Welcome.  

 

Daniel if you cannot go to a therapist locally you might try online as they are resources for people that live in areas that are sparsely populated with GT's.   It seems your wife is supportive as she encouraged you to explore.  That's nice, but keep the line of communication open with her.  It's important.  

 

The concern as I see it, is to find what you need do to satisfy your dysphoria.  It could be underdressing to full transition.  Its up to you as all our journeys are different.  

 

Please join in the conversation!!

Jani   

 

[ScarredBeauty]

I appreciate you all responding to me. I've never even thought of therapy as an option. Does it truly help? And my current issue is that I have major body image thing going on. I let myself go and fell into a depression for many years while trying to hide this and am afraid that I can't bounce back. I weight almost 300 pounds. Things have improved though since I started my HRT. I've quit drinking and don't feel any where near as depressed as I once did.

[michelle_kitten]

So, I am totally new to this too.  I am starting therapy later in the month.  I don't feel like I can give advice,  but I can relate, and I can give a hug if you want one. ? Welcome to the forums, Litebrite and ScarredBeauty.

[ScarredBeauty]

Just now, michelle_kitten said:

So, I am totally new to this too.  I am starting therapy later in the month.  I don't feel like I can give advice,  but I can relate, and I can give a hug if you want one. ? Welcome to the forums, Litebrite and ScarredBeauty.

?back atcha!

[Jani]

3 hours ago, ScarredBeauty said:

I've never even thought of therapy as an option. Does it truly help?

Does it help?  Yes!  I never thought much of it but once I saw I was in deep I made a call to set up an appointment.  It was the best decision I've made on this journey.  I had a great counselor who knew what she was doing, asking the right questions, helping me realize I was all right.  As noted elsewhere on the forum, a good therapist will not tell you that you're transgender but will guide you on the path to self discovery, whatever that may be.  

 

Jani

[ScarredBeauty]

Just now, Jani said:

 

Thanks Janice. That puts it into perspective a little more for me. I'm just worried about finding the right one now though.

[ScarredBeauty]

11 hours ago, ScarredBeauty said:

Thanks Janice. That puts it into perspective a little more for me. I'm just worried about finding the right one now though.

Sorry. My phone auto corrected. Thanks Jani.

[Jani]

No Problem.  

[ScarredBeauty]

Another thing that's got me worried is when I fully come out that my wife's parents will just avoid their granddaughter to keep away from me.

[Jani]

These are things you need to think about.  You need to start with your wife.  It all depends upon how much this situation is affecting you.  For me I realized I need to do something, regardless of the cost.  Thankfully I haven't lost any family or friends.  On the other side I have met so many wonderful caring people on my journey.  Personally while it was a hard road to traverse, it was totally worth it for me.  You results may be different.  Think long and hard.  As noted a therapist is invaluable.

 

Jani

[Ellora]

On 4/4/2019 at 1:49 PM, ScarredBeauty said:

Another thing that's got me worried is when I fully come out that my wife's parents will just avoid their granddaughter to keep away from me.

If the grandparents are that callous, it might be better for your child not to be around such people. Kids pick up on hate and when people ignore them. It will be their loss. 

I hope you do not have to go through that.

My mom didn’t go to my wedding (other reasons), and my kids do not visit them unless I take them to visit them, and they are now grown adults. There isn’t any hate shown to the grandparents , but there isn’t any love either. And my kids are doing great too. 

[reyindium]

I think you already achieved the hardest part; coming out to your spouse. That's the scariest, imho. To have their support is invaluable. The terminology comes with exposure to the community. Like previously suggested, read stories of others and it will become easier. You will also find others to relate and talk to on your journey.

Best wishes,

Rey