i just need help

[sonfinite]

so, my parents found out i was trans bc i changed my pronouns on facebook of all places. (my mom yelled at me, made me cry, then later came into my room to tell me ever so sweetly that she didnt accept me. yay.) she asked “if youre so sure, lets bring you to a counsellor.” so through her work she found a FAMILY/MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR/SOCIAL WORKER. i didnt like this lady, for obvious reasons, and i only showed up for 5 sessions bc all she talked abt was her family, when she was younger, and things she didnt understand. (ex., the lgbt community, she didnt know a single thing about it. once she asked me what i wanted to be. i said police detective. in one session shes praising it, in the next shes telling me how being a cop is a really bad thing, that no one likes cops and that its dangerous.) she was just,,, not good.

and now since ive stopped going to this “lgbt specialist” its like my parents have completely forgotten. i have found another counsellor (whos actually an lgbt teen specialist) thats covered by my parents insurance but im just,,, scared to tell them? im literally scared to tell them about wanting to go to a counsellor! (moreso my mother. my dad seems to be a little bit, if not alot, more accepting than her.) i know, and they know, i need years of therapy to be absolutely sure, but theyve just.... forgotten it. and now im stuck. should i wait until im 18 and move out, or start everything now? i just,,, idk. 

[Jani]

If you have found someone who is a LGBT counselor, don't be afraid to speak up and say you want to try this person.  You should try to get counseling if you can as it will be helpful.  You can wait until you're 18 but life will not be any easier once you are on your own.  

 

Welcome to the forum.  

 

Jani

[Ellora]

Stay strong, and I hope you can find a councilor/ therapist that you feel comfortable talking to. The LGBT community centers want to help and understand being discrete .   Dont give up! 

 

[KymmieL]

 I would tell your parents that the person you where seeing isn't working and want to try the new counselor. You don't have to tell them the new counselor is LGBT teen specialist. For many years I have followed the rule, It is a need to know and they don't need to know. What is talked about between you and any counselor behind closed doors is nobody's business but your own. Even with you being underage shouldn't make any difference.

I would see if there is a LGBT center in your area. It has to be easier to find one in FL than here in WY.

 

Being on here helps, I know it has helped me.

 

Kymmie

[michelle_kitten]

It has been my experience not many teens would go out and find another counselor.  It is a good sign you've done the work to get some help, and I respect that.  I agree with Kymmie.  If what you're doing isn't helping, then you need to try to get the help you need.  Be honest with yourself and your parents.

 

I don't know your situation with your parents, but if I knew my parents were resistant to an idea I'd kinda work my way into the subject.  I might tell them in one conversation the person you've been seeing isn't working and why.  Tell them the counselor seems self-absorbed and is not offering anything to help you.  Then in another conversation tell them you've found an alternative to the person they chose.  I don't know if what I am saying will help.

 

I've been in counselling before for other issues when I was a teen.  One thing counselors will sometimes do is piss you off.  They will do it deliberately to see how you will react.  Sometimes people are more honest when they are angry than when they are calm and can use energy to hide things.  At least that's what my counselors did back then.  Think of the challenge of wanting to be a detective as a good thing.  It will help you go into your career with eyes wide open.

 

There are a lot of people in my past who criticized what I've believed in and what I have done.  I am grateful for these people, even though they were a major pain at the time.  They made me dig deeper, to learn, to grow, and they have shaped my beliefs as much as anyone who shares my beliefs.  Yeah, I wanted to say, "Come over here and let me slap you silly!" to a few of them, but they helped me more than they ever hurt me, even when they were being cruel.  I am not saying this is what you're counselor has been doing, but use the experience to grow.

 

Unless you think your parents will get violent, or make your life absolutely miserable, I would at least try to get to see the other counselor.

[sonfinite]

thank you all! ❤️

my parents already know a basic reason of why i stopped going to the lady back in november, which is that “i simply didnt like her.” i know she wasnt doing it to get on my nerves or make me angry, no, she was just... not an actual lgbt counsellor.  i think that my parents think that im just a confused teen by not going to a counsellor, that im not serious. which is why i looked for another, bc i am serious, bc i really do want and need help. 

on the other hand, my grandma knows the exact reason why i stopped going, and i feel like im going to tell her first that ive found another counsellor to go to. bc i trust her more than my actual parents. 

again thank you all ❤️ i already love being here.

 

[sonfinite]

ah and i just realised i put this in the wrong topic. omg im so sorry.

[VickySGV]

@sonfiniteWhich topic should they be in??  Let a Mod or Admin know and we can help. ---

[Lexi C]

Hey Sonfinite this is going to sound rude. So I apologize in advance, but if your really serious about trans gendering then you need to find the right person. I am 55 and 30 yrs ago, I decide to seek out a therapist/ counselor. This man ( who was LGBT approved) told me I was not a woman, not gay, not even CD. I was spirt of a Navajo Sheman and that I had special healing power. He f up so much that I was afraid to look at myself when I was dress up. It took until now to fig out that a therapist or counselor is not here to fix me but to lessen,,,So find some one you like, trust and is not a afraid to lessen. You sound like an amazing person who's fig out early in life what they want..so congrats and don't stress about yr folks they will either accept you or not,,BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS LV U...