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Jess241108

By Jess241108,
in Female to Male (FtM) Discussions

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Jess241108 New Member

Jess241108

Posted
Posted

Okay, so this is my first time ever doing this...

 

I'm just in search of advice and answers to my millions of questions, scratch that, BILLIONS of questions that can't be answered by textbook definitions, and also friends..

 

I'm 20 years old and I realized lately that my childhood was not as common as I thought. A vey big part of growing up was surrounded by "phases", as my parents would call it, but I only realize now that I may just be different. I learnt that sexual orientation and identity is very different, things that in my home town we had no education what so ever on, and that completely changed my perspective of my own life. I've always struggled with depression and major anxiety, basically because I never liked my own body because I kept thinking I wasn't beautiful or too fat.. my body parts grossed me out and scared me as in a way someone with coulrophobia see's a clown and is scared -clean bathroom- (fun fact, I am terrified of clowns!).

 

Anyways back to the real story, recently I've been through alot of challenging times, a break up with my boyfriend (with whom I loved for 3 years) and I was forced to come out as transgender to my mother and she did not take it well, family is a very important key of my life, and someone might have ruined it for me cause he told her I was hiding something... did i mention by force !...I was not ready what so ever to tell her, heck im not even sure 100% if this is the trail I want to adventure in, but im like at a safe 99,8% sure this is what I need to be completely free and happy. I have a few friends that knows about me, but not much because from where I am from, people like me are judged and classified as inhuman... It breaks my heart to even think of jugement that could involve myself..

 

Anyways, thats a brief paragraphe of my wonderful life at the moment, and i guess am in search of some comfort and support.

Maybe even a few friends that know how I am feeling looking upon my situation.

 

So yah, thanks for listening ! XD

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killjoyaiden Beryllium Member

killjoyaiden

Posted
Posted

Welcome to the forums!! As I tell everyone who's new: here, we're a family. We have each other's backs and we're here for you, no matter what. We all understand what you're going through. So, you're not alone! Message me anytime!! My inbox is always open :)!

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

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illisson Junior Member

illisson

Posted
Posted

Hello, Jess!

 

Wow, your situation does not sound like an easy one. No one should be forced to come out before they're ready, period, but the fact that you were forced to come out to someone who wasn't guaranteed to be supportive makes the whole situation that much more painful. Ugh.

 

I'm glad you found these forums, and hope you're finding friends and support elsewhere, too. Three cheers for the internet and its awesome, friendly communities! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that your mom comes around, and that life generally starts treating you better.

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Jess241108 New Member

Jess241108

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much illisson,

 

Any support I can find on these forums is very important for me, to realize there is more than what I am living now, someday I could see myself as truly who I am and have other people searching for friends and supporters just like me.

 

Your toughs will be recognized and yes hopefully life will be a bit better from this point on. My mother and I used to have a very strong relationship and I feel devastated that all of that could be gone because of my secret coming out to her.

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illisson Junior Member

illisson

Posted
Posted

It really does help to see and talk with other people who are further along the path than we are! Hopefully you'll end up being a source of information and inspiration for others, the way the regular posters on here are for us newcomers now. There will certainly be a lot of trans folks after you whose relationships with their parents suffered after coming out. 

 

FYI, I had an appointment with my gender therapist today, and he suggested I check out the transgender forums on Reddit, to expand my trans social network. If you haven't gone over there yet, maybe you might do the same. The more support we can find (and offer), the better.

 

Keep us posted on your progress with your mom; we're all rooting for you.

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Lexi C Ruthenium Member

Lexi C

Posted
Posted

Hey Jess Be Proud and Stay Strong...Family is all I have too and My mom does not support my transition but still support me with love. I hope that if we both give our moms sometime and they see how much happier you and I seen to be that they will full support..stay in touch  Alexi

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Jess241108 New Member

Jess241108

Posted
  • Author
Posted
On 4/10/2019 at 8:48 PM, illisson said:

It really does help to see and talk with other people who are further along the path than we are! Hopefully you'll end up being a source of information and inspiration for others, the way the regular posters on here are for us newcomers now. There will certainly be a lot of trans folks after you whose relationships with their parents suffered after coming out. 

 

FYI, I had an appointment with my gender therapist today, and he suggested I check out the transgender forums on Reddit, to expand my trans social network. If you haven't gone over there yet, maybe you might do the same. The more support we can find (and offer), the better.

 

Keep us posted on your progress with your mom; we're all rooting for you.

Thank you so much ! I will certainly look on Reddit, and things with my mother didnt really change. Sadly, she told me she needed more space and time for her own mental health.. She blames me because she hasnt been sleeping nor eating. I find that puts more stress on my shoudlers, but hopefully, one day, she'll come through.

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Jess241108 New Member

Jess241108

Posted
  • Author
Posted
On 4/10/2019 at 9:08 PM, Alex C said:

Hey Jess Be Proud and Stay Strong...Family is all I have too and My mom does not support my transition but still support me with love. I hope that if we both give our moms sometime and they see how much happier you and I seen to be that they will full support..stay in touch  Alexi

Thank you Alex ! Im sorry to hear about your mother also, we can stay strong together and we will make it through. They will slowly understand like you said, how happier we are, and grow to accept it hopefully 

 

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EliAtkins Elite Member

EliAtkins

Posted
Posted

Welcome Jess!

 

I feel like I had a lot of questions when I first joined this place like 2 months ago and while I still have questions, I've learned a lot as well.  Don't be afraid to ask your questions or to poke around other topics on this board (even if they're old as I've learned a ton that way).  I've also spent quite a few hours watching stuff on youtube.  There's quite a few FtMs making videos with good information in them and it's much more relatable than just reading through textbook definitions.

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