Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Am I just transcum?


BananaPowered95

Recommended Posts

Yo 23 afab here! 

Over the past years there has been a lot bugging my mind. 

I was a tomboy growing up, like many - then puberty kicked in. I never identified with the female expectations growing up, and hated them. Makeup felt surreal for me, I hated the notion of being feminine (the way women are conditioned to function socially) and being treated as a woman just felt wrong (when people refer to me as the fenale sex I hear myself in my head 'dont call me that!')

 

Back then I thought I just was non conforming. But it didn't go away. 

My first sexual fantasies were about me being the male and in my head when I think sexy I don't imagine myself as a sexy lady but as a dude. My mental image of myself isn't of a woman.

When I was mistaken for a boy in my short hair phase I was so happy ("yes! Thank you!! :D ")! 

I repressed and thought my body hating wqs just puberty but it feels wrong, like my boobs shouldn't belong there.

 

Can someone tell what is wrong with me?? Am I just going insane??

Edited by Charlize
Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You are certainly not insane.  Welcome to Trans Pulse.  We often feel unique but after time we hear our stories told by others on the Forums.

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, hon.  I can understand your frustration and confusion.  Nearly all of us were confused at the beginning of our journeys.  It takes a while, and sometimes a few talks with the gender therapist, to make sense out of how we feel.  So, like Mary said, you are not alone. 

 

The term "non-conforming" fits all transgender people, no matter where they are on the gender spectrum.  Conforming, to me, means you are perfectly satisfied and comfortable with whichever gender you were designated at birth.  Anything else then becomes non-conforming.  That doesn't define you, but it does separate you from the world of cis-gender people.  So, welcome to t he Community!

 

Please do look around the forums and ask questions and post your thoughts.  I look forward to hearing more about you, and from you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Hi and welcome!

 

You are definitely not insane!  I'm also afab so a lot of what you're describing is something I know quite well.  You're definitely not alone!

Link to comment

Thanks for the nice answers y'all :D

I feel like I'm faking it sometimes because im not truly "manly" in the sense of the word. 

I used to think I just "fantasied being a man" but it never left my head. I don't really like football, I am a calm person and I like "feminine" things like anime and calm music. 

Yet I feel disconnected from being female. It feels more like an obligation. 

I identify as just a calm man rather than a masculine woman.

 

Sorry for the rant, my head is weird right now and thank you for coming to my Ted talk xD 

 

I appreciate your support yall ❤️

 

 

Link to comment

Don't be afraid to ask questions here and don't feel like you have to measure yourself by anyone else's standards.  I think all of us have felt fake at one point or another.  I very much did when I first joined here, but after a bit I realized that it wasn't because of what I was questioning about myself.  Instead, I realized that I've always felt like I've been leading a fake life, if that makes any sense.

 

Also, you don't have to define yourself by what your interests are.  I know plenty of guys that are interested in anime.  I consider myself to be very masculine, but that's just one aspect of who I am.  I'm also 100% a nerd, I lift weights and I also have an obsession with unicorns and rom-coms.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi,

It's common to think we may just be confused of fooling ourselves at first. We wonder how this could actually be happening to us. At least I did. As stated above, you're not alone in that. You've got lots of company here. And you're certainly not trans scum. Please don't think of yourself that way anymore.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ??

Link to comment

I've been checking the forums lately - it's interesting how many of us have different experiences ! And how others feel like this, I always thought I was an alien!

I identified with a lot of stories here and it's nice knowing I'm not alone in this

I have some thinking to do yet but being like this forever feels like hell

Thanks y'all for the kind answers! Kudos!

?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes we all have our unique stories yet we are very similar.  No aliens here!   You can be the person you wish to be.  Life isn't always easy, even for cis people, so jump in and be you, be happy

 

Jani

Link to comment

Wise words!

I feel like im finding who I truly am finally!

Ill start trying to use more masculine clothing maybe and see how it feels probably... Letting my masculine side free!

 

It's strange to look back and see my denial of my feelings 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 193 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • KymmieL
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. afraid of self
      afraid of self
    2. Chaidoesart
      Chaidoesart
      (14 years old)
    3. Faith57
      Faith57
    4. Joyce Ann
      Joyce Ann
      (70 years old)
    5. Kelly21121
      Kelly21121
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      happy trans birthday! I can't speak personally on the subject, but I hope hormones bring you the changes you're looking for <3 
    • MaeBe
      That’s super healthy, to see that something that becomes common has less effect on you and that you are able to decipher these feelings.   Sadly, this trend tends to only deaden good feelings as we tend not to let bad feelings attenuate the same way.   I have noticed less euphoria, but still feel the dysphorias that I have. Sometimes the good sneaks in and reminds me, but often time it’s just me seeing myself in the mirror and being comfortable about what I see when embracing my realized self. I may not get the same buzz I once did, but I don’t feel incongruous when looking at a more “drab” reflection.    Wishing you strength, you are amazing!
    • KayC
      Congratulations! and Happy Trans Birthday @LittleSam! That is such a BIG milestone.  I can still remember walking out of my clinic with my first HRT presciption.  I was on Cloud-9.  Wishing you all the best in the start of your new Journey!
    • missyjo
      maebe thank you I try to be. I thank God for blessings, try to share them, beg forgiveness for my shortcomings n vow to try to do better...2 priests have said no, God doesn't condemn you just for being trans...but apparently evangelicals do   I shall vtry dear thank you  
    • MaeBe
      Meet him at the being good to others part of Christianity. At the heart of it, there are excellent tenets of the faith. Those that condemn are judging, Jesus would have us be selfless; stone casting and all that. Are you a good person? Are you putting good into the world? If your gender is an issue for God, let God judge. In the mortal realm, let your actions be heard. 
    • missyjo
      and just fi sweeten it..I'm catholic n he hasn't been for years..he's evangelical..whatever that is
    • MaeBe
      Let’s stick to cite-able fact. Most of my posts have been directly in relation to LGBTQ+ rights as it pertains to P2025 and I have drawn direct links between people, their quotes, and their agenda. I have made reference to the cronyism that P2025 would entail as well, by gutting, not cutting, broad swathes of government and replacing it with “conservative warriors” (I can get you the direct quote, but rest assured it’s a quote). All this does is constantly force the cogs to be refitted, not their movement. To say that agencies have directly defied a President is a bit much, the EPA did what Trump told them to do at the direct harm to the environment, the department of agriculture did the same by enacting the administrations forced move to KC which decimated the USDA.      How about Betsy DeVoss for Education? Or Bannon for anything? What about the revolving Chief of Staff position that Trump couldn’t stay filled? Or the Postmaster General, who did much to make the USPS worse?   Let’s not mix politics with racism, sexism, or any other ism. Because Trump made mainly white, male, appointments—many of them not, arguably, people fit for service—or unwilling to commit to term. I can argue this because, again, he’s up for election and will do what he did before (and more of the same, his words).   Please delineate how the selected diversity appointments have negatively affected the US, other than being black, women, or queer? Representation matters and America benefits when its people are inspired and empowered.
    • missyjo
      ok ladies if I've asked this before I'm sorry please delete    ok so I have 2vsiblings..one is overly religious..n preachy n domineering..so he keeps trying to talk with me n I'd like to..but he always falls into this all knowing all wise domineering preachy thing tjaz tells me he's praying for christ to beat Satan for control of my soul..which is doomed to hell bc I'm transgender    I'd like to try to have a civil conversation n try to set him strait n gsin a cooperation n real conversation    any suggestions?
    • missyjo
      abigail darling what about extensions or a wig? be brave n hang in there  to thine own self be true  good luck
    • RaineOnYourParade
      When I first started figuring things out, I got a lot more euphoria. Every time a friend would use he/they pronouns for me, I'd get this bubbly feeling, and seeing myself look masculine made me really happy. Dysphoric state felt more normal, so I guess I noticed the pain it caused me less.   Now, it's more just that my pronouns and such things feel natural, and dysphoria is a lot stronger -- I know what's natural, so experiencing the opposite is more jarring than everything. The problem is, most of my natural experiences are from friends, and I rarely get properly gendered by strangers, much less by my family. I've found myself unable to bind in months due to aches, colds,, and not wanting to risk damage.    It partially makes me want to go back to the beginning of my journey, because at least then I got full euphoria. I'm pretty sure it'll be like this until I medically transition, or at the very least get top surgery (you know all those trans dudes online with tiny chests? Not me, unfortunately). It's a bit depressing, but at least I know that, eventually, there's a way out of this.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Major mood, right here ^^^    I've listened to Lumineers to a long time (a major portion of it by osmosis via my mom), so that is almost painfully relatable
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As for getting a button-up/formal pants suit, you can try to talk to her more -- Cis women in tuxes have worn tuxes in recent years, after all, (for example, Zendaya) so it can still be a relatively safe topic. For jumpsuits, I'd recommend going with a simple one with a blazer, if you can -- this'll make it look overall more masculine. There's a lot of good brands, but going for one without a lot of extra glitz on it will make it look less feminine under a blazer. I don't know many specific brands though since I usually just get my stuff from chain stores, sorry :<   When it comes to your hair, if you can't cut it, you can look up tutorials on fluffing it up instead. If you can pull it off, it can look a lot shorter and more androgynous instead!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As far as I'm aware, he wasn't -- he just sometimes wore skirts, which was why it was a question in the first place.   In my opinion, part of that is because of the way press spares attention on issues like that. As a bit of a true crime nut and what I see: Child predator cases' (and cases of a sexual nature in general) press focus on those with an AMAB perpetrator generally, and very rarely are AFAB perpetrators given much press time or even getting tried due to a whole bunch of issues I'm not gonna get into. Because of this, when you see these types of cases and a boy is the victim, it's almost always a queer person who is the one who committed a crime that gets press. Therefore, with the amount of cases seen with this type of perpetrator (and due to the fact "99% of queer people are not sexual criminals" doesn't attract eyes), the human brain can kind of naturally makes an association with it. It's not right, but it's also a fault I think falls partially on the media.   That's all my opinion, though!   This is extra confusing to me, as a feminine man is usually viewed as gay. If someone is refusing the acknowledge the existence of trans people, then gay would be the societal connection that comes after, I think. So, that sorta implies that trans women wouldn't be interested in women in the first place by those assumptions? Of course, trans lesbians exist (most trans women I know like women, actually), but it's a little ridiculous to me that people will deny trans people's existence, call all feminine AMAB people gay, and say that trans people are looking to peep all in the same breath.   Wow, this was a lot longer of a response than I was planning to write--
    • Abigail Genevieve
      For one thing, the practice of putting into office wholly unqualified people simply because of racial, sexual or national characteristics.  It is no accident that Karine is a Haitian immigrant, Black and lesbian.  Kamala Harris is a Black female. Pete Buttigieg is gay.  Often you find that Biden explicitly stated that this is why he hired them, not because of competence, but because they checked so many boxes on his little list.  It makes a mockery of people and is a disservice to the US. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am not sure why people are in favor of unaccountable agencies with bloated budgets and wasteful spending. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...