Fear Of Surgery

[Guest Ryles_D]

There's a chance I'll be able to get a mastectomy covered by insurance. I'm neutrois, not male, I'm not on T and don't plan to be on T- and looking at it, it seems like an alright prospect if I can get something like that without a reconstruction. SInce it'll be for a medical reason (fibrocystic breasts that refuse to respond to treatment and cause barely cyclical pain), I'll probably have to pretend to be female (especially if I want insurance involved) and I'm worried about the doctors trying to pressure me to get reconstruction. But the only problem is that part of me is still terrified of surgery. It's what I want, I can't see any way of being happy without it- but I'm still really scared.

There's a million things that could go wrong- and some of these concerns are less than valid- but I'm really nervous baout the idea of some stranger poking around my insides while I'm unconscious. I have trouble falling asleep because I don't like being unconscious, even when I want to escape reality I'm scared to give up control of my body for any reason, I've never passed out despite going days feeling like I was about to. I'm sure part of me has the irrational fear this'll end with the anesthesiologist throwing up their hands and going "that's it! I can't put this person to sleep no matter what I try!" and it not happening, and the not so irrational fear that I'll wake up halfway through and mess everything up.

Logically I know it should be fine, it's not liek they're taking out any organs- it's not happening tomorrow and I'll have plenty of time to talk to the surgeon and get all these fears quelled, but part of me is going "I'm going to die on the table or they'll reconstruct the breasts and I'll be stuck like this foreeeeveeeer". _-_

Was anyone afraid before surgery? How do you deal with this- and was the surgeon helpful?

[Guest Donna Jean]

Honey...it's a natural thing to be fearful of surgery!

I've had surgery before...I had both of my hips replaced! WOAH! It made me nervous, but rest assured that all of the people working on you are professionals......

And it's like airplane crashes ...you only hear about the crashes...but there millions of flights all of the time that you DON'T hear about!

I flew in the Air Force 2000 hours without a problem and sometimes with someone shooting at me!...lol

Same with surgery....

Thousands of perfect surgeries happen every day and it is never in the newspapers...it has become commonplace!

You'll do just fine, Honey....just work on it a bit...it will be ok....

Please try not to stress on it too much....

And, yes...do talk to the surgeon, they can waylay any fears you have and getting to know them on a personal level will make you feel better about the whole thing!

Good Luck, Hon...

Bionic Donna Jean

[Guest Sophie H]

Like Donna Jean Said it's natural to be scared of surgery, especially when you have heard lot's of horror stories. But the people who will be conducting the surgery are professionals and know what they are doing. I am having surgery done on my stomach in the next few months (don't have a date yet) and although it's only key hole surgery, it still freaks the life out of me. But I know it's for the best and that it's what I want so I try to put these worries to the back of my mind.

[Guest Ryles_D]

And it's like airplane crashes ...you only hear about the crashes...but there millions of flights all of the time that you DON'T hear about!

I flew in the Air Force 2000 hours without a problem and sometimes with someone shooting at me!...lol

Heh, that's good. WEll, except the shooting at you. I flew a lot when I was little- so I got used to planes, but they still make me nervous. And you're right- you hear about the horror stories, nobody wants to report about all the ones that are going along perfectly, it's just easy to hear all the stories and expect the worse for yourself

But I know it's for the best and that it's what I want so I try to put these worries to the back of my mind.

I'm trying to do that as well.

Thank you both for your comments.

-RD

[Sally]

You can rest easy about the not being able to go under or waking during the surgery.

They are professionals and they monitor everything, you won't wake up until they want you to.

I am like you I can not be knocked out, many have tried but I stay awake and feel the pain, I am extremely resistant to pain meds and it takes a double dose to put me under, but I have had soms minor surgeries in my life and I slept through them all just as planned.

Have a little faith and no they will not do any reconstruction without your permission - there is a tremendous additional cost and the insurance company will be just thrilled that you don't want it - because latter it is considered elective surgery and they are off the hook.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You would be a fool not to be scared. And all the advice - perfect! I have had minor non-TS stuff done - and lived to tell about it -so I suppose the dangers, while there, are not going to stop me when I reach the 'icing on the cake' part of my transitioning. THAT surgery scares me - making something into something else - wow. It's major - I am terrified and it is at least two years off... but am thrilled at the same time and feel I would sign up for it tomorrow if I could. So go figure.

And it's your body. No one will MAKE you do reconsructive surgery anyway. And you can always use the spin, well, lets wait and see. And insurance usualy won't pay for two surgries at once, for some reason.

So - look to the positive, and just do it, I suppose. Terror is good for us, they make mega-bucks at the movies shoveling it to us in big block-buster films!

Lizzy

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I was scared to death before I had top surgery. I was so scared that the ladies at the surgery center were like "You don't HAVE to do this." It wasn't that I didn't want surgery, because it was the BEST THING EVER. The process was just really, really scary to me.

How'd I deal? I'm not sure. I decided that I was going to do it and I went. Thinking about how rare complications are was helpful. Mostly I had to trust my surgeon and try to chill.

It's always good to discuss your anxiety with your surgeon beforehand. Sometimes they can give you anxiety medicine, and that helps A LOT. My surgeon was very cool and confident. That was very reassuring.

Sorry I don't have more helpful hints. If you have a friend or relative coming with you, make sure it is someone who is very chill. Calmness is contagious.

[Guest 1charlotte1]

I had heart surgery last summer! They used a local aneisthetic and gave me stuff to relax, I got to stay awake the whole time which was exciting for me! (but of course after ten mind I fell asleep on my own) it will go well! Relax, think of what u will gain through the procedure instead of thinking on ur fears. Everything will go well!

Signed, Charlotte

[Guest Evan_J]

1) Make sure you feel you are in good hands with your surgeon.

2) Let 'em know how you feel. Even the "irrational" fear. Its valid to feel fear though cuz it is surgery.

3) If possible, meet your anesthesiologist before the procedure. This really helped me feel cooled out.

4) Know that its "sleep" and you'll fall asleep and wake up and everything will be ok.

[Guest Martin]

I know there are FTMs who had masectomies and a male reconstruction paid for by insurance. If you eventually want a male looking chest, that might be your best bet. If you don't, then maybe no reconstruction is the best thing - obviously, only you would know.

I wish I knew what to tell you about your fears. If I knew what to do with my own run-away fears, I'd let you in on the secret, but I really don't know. I hope you find peace somehow...

[Guest Tabe]

I had my surgery on Tuesday morning. I'm planning to write a full post on everything that went on soon, but I will say this now:

I was also really worried about what would happen. My biggest fear was that I would wake up in the middle of the surgery while they were still operating on me. It's extremely rare, but has happened before. I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. Luckily, the process they used was so relaxing that I didn't even realize when I went under.

From what I remember: they prepped me with the IV, and started dripping liquids in. They also gave me a shot that they said would relax me, but I didn't feel any different. Then they rolled me into the operating room, and I moved from one bed to the other. They put leg compressors on to increase blood flow, gave me an oxygen mask and put more of the relaxing stuff in. I still didn't feel any different and was just kind of hanging out as they moved my arms around to get them out of the way and stuff. And that's the last thing I remember. I was in such denial when I was done that they had actually done the procedure that I didn't believe it until about 4 hours later when they opened up the binder to change the dressings. It was (and still is) an extremely surreal feeling to look down into the binding and see that yes, my nipple IS sewed on. Haha.

[Guest Martin]

Congrats on your surgery. I'm glad all went well.

[Guest julia_d]

voice says.. count down from 99 ..

99..98..97..96..95.. WHOA!!.. what's this room? How did I get in here?? Yeah.. isn't it. That's really all there is to it.. I was exactly the same.. first thing I asked was "have they done it yet?"

Success.. and no complications. A good result and a speedy recovery to you.. *hugs carefully*

I always wonder if I would prefer major locals and watch what they do... Trouble is with that.. I'm nosey and I would keep wanting to ask.."" what's that bit.. where does that go, shouldn't you save that bit just in case, can you put that chunk aside so I can keep it as a souvenir?"" etc etc etc. strewth.. theres something really a little odd about me.. must be the goth/vampire tendencies surfacing again.

Myself I guess a few good hours sleep will help me out as I normally don't sleep more than 3 at a time.

[Guest Ryles_D]

From what I remember: they prepped me with the IV, and started dripping liquids in. They also gave me a shot that they said would relax me, but I didn't feel any different. Then they rolled me into the operating room, and I moved from one bed to the other. They put leg compressors on to increase blood flow, gave me an oxygen mask and put more of the relaxing stuff in. I still didn't feel any different and was just kind of hanging out as they moved my arms around to get them out of the way and stuff. And that's the last thing I remember. I was in such denial when I was done that they had actually done the procedure that I didn't believe it until about 4 hours later when they opened up the binder to change the dressings. It was (and still is) an extremely surreal feeling to look down into the binding and see that yes, my nipple IS sewed on. Haha.

Thanks for the description, thanks. I'm worried about IVs, just because I don't like needles- especially not ones that stay in my arm *shivers* drawing blood is bad enough, I hope the IV'll go better. It will be interesting to see that, if I don't know I passed out, waking up to find out that much time had passed. I've done that with "natural" sleep a few times in my life, too, and it always screws with my head.

How long did oyu have to stay in the hospital after? I heard that it's only a 1-2 day stay, so long as you've got someone who can give home care.

[Guest nova]

I think for me the anticipation is the hardest part of having surgery. The longest I was under anesthesia was four hours, but my next one will be eight hours. I asked my surgeon if that includes a half hour for lunch and bathroom breaks. I think I dread laser hair removal more than surgery. But, all my surgery has been pretty much routine too.

[Guest Martin]

For top surgery, I was released back to my hotel room the same day. I was required to stay in town for a few days (I don't remember how many, but it was less than a week). Of course, I had to have someone there to take care of me.

[Guest Ryles_D]

For top surgery, I was released back to my hotel room the same day. I was required to stay in town for a few days (I don't remember how many, but it was less than a week). Of course, I had to have someone there to take care of me.

Ah, cool, that's good. I'm going to try to do it with a surgeon nearby- I know there's one who does top surgery less than 30 minutes away. Hopefully they'll count that as being in town. It's even possible that it'll happen in the same city I'll live (since I want a 'regular' mastectomy, not FtM top surgery), which'd be really nice for that- to be able to just go home rather than deal with the added costs of a hotel.

I think for me the anticipation is the hardest part of having surgery. The longest I was under anesthesia was four hours, but my next one will be eight hours. I asked my surgeon if that includes a half hour for lunch and bathroom breaks. I think I dread laser hair removal more than surgery. But, all my surgery has been pretty much routine too.

I'd hope it would. I don't think I'd want someone operating for 8 hours straight- I can't even deal with school for 8 hours straight!