Identity crisis

[nukapejoy]

 

Hello all, I'm not completely sure if I'm trans or not. I am a male as far as I know. But for the longest time I've felt like I am someone else at the same time. I cant explain it better than that, Sorry. I just know that I dont feel quite right in my body. I spoke to a therapist and she said I dont meet the necessary criteria to be diagnosed with body dysphoria. My physician does not recommend me going on estrogen hormones because he's not sure if they're right for me. I want to discover myself and who I really am. But at the same time I dont want to lose my 'maleness.' I dont know a better way to phrase it than that. I want to be sure of myself. I want to eliminate this doubt I have. I want to go back to being me again. What I feel is best is if I could block all hormones in my body but testosterone. Is there a hormone blocker that works in such a way? My doctor says not really but I have my doubts. Sorry for being so vague. I've searched all over the internet trying to help myself come to terms with myself. If that makes any sense. Please any help would be greatly appreciated.

[VickySGV]

IRL, you are going to have to get in touch with a therapist who has experience with gender issues to help you.  Only a few of the newest M.D,'s are really on top of the Trans problems and treatments of them.  There are drugs that reduce the effectiveness of Testosterone, but do not fully block it, and the blocking is really a side effect and not the primary purpose of the drug Aldactone which is a diuretic for the treatment of hypertension so your doctor may not want to prescribe it without input from a person more familiar with gender issues.   For young children there are puberty blocking drugs, but not really any for people over 25.   A talk with a Gender Therapist is going to be your key to this "Identity Crisis" that you are having.  All of us have had those problems, so you are not alone.  Drugs though are NOT the initial answers, they come as the result of some serious decisions. 
 

[nukapejoy]

The best way to describe it is that, I am a male and I feel comfortable being a male and want to remain a male. But I also have this niggling feeling that there is something else inside of me. Not quite sure if male or female. This other within me manifests as dread and doubt and makes me question myself if I am truly 100% male. This other makes me not want to be male anymore and I hate it. 

I have had these feelings for a very long time but I've been able to suppress them by doing traditionally masculine things. I tried to satisfy the other too. I secretly wear women's panties and grew my hair out long. But it's not enough. It doesn't work. This other wants something from me that I cant quite explain. It's like it wants me to stop being a male. I'm sorry if what I say makes no sense but it's hard to put my feelings into words. I just want to be sure of myself again. I want to be one with my body again and have peace of mind. 

The last time I doubted myself like this was during puberty and my hormones were out of control. But I was able to explain to myself that it was just my body changing. This is why I need hormones that block everything but testosterone. Can anyone recommend me something like that? No diagnosis needed just please point me in the right direction. 

[Carolyn Marie]

Recommending specific treatments or medications is not something we do here.  We are not medical professionals, and making any sort of recommendation along those lines would get us in some deep doo doo.  Since you don't yet have a diagnosis for your feelings and (apparently) have not spoken to a gender therapist, I would be surprised if any doctor would mess with your endocrine system.

 

Vicky's advice is still the best; see a gender therapist to try and figure out what's going on with your body and mind.  Then you might be in a better place to get medical intervention.

 

Carolyn Marie