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Ellora’s Journey


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Hi! I’ve been very happy lately with all of my progress, big and small alike. All my life I have been searching for my true self. But because of the straight lifestyle, I was limited to do what I really wanted, to live my life as me, a woman. I started in baby steps about two years ago, when I began purchasing makeup and women’s clothes. My clothes are now 85-90% women’s clothing, and I love them all. I plan to “dress up” for Pride this year for the first time ever. I’ve told my Primary doctor that I have always felt like a woman, and she is 100% supportive! My Dr started me on HRT Meds on March 12, and helped me be part of a study too. She is also supportive of my decision to have an Orchiectomy, which led to me scheduling a meeting with a urologist and now I am waiting to schedule my Orchie surgery. I have also scheduled an appointment with a Gender therapist, to talk about wanting to get a vaginoplasty sometime in the future. 

At two months into my HRT Meds, I feel the weight distribution starting to show some results. I do not have any “pain” in my boobies yet, but I can see changes in shape and size. It’s not a lot, but enough for me to notice and some others have complimented me on how I’ve been coming along. Hair growth has slowed in my body, and just noticed that my fingernails are getting stronger. My boy parts seem to be shrinking a little and my sex drive has both changed and decreased. I do not need to have sex, but can still get -excited-. 

Omg, I just discover Snapchat and its gender filter! It’s the best, and made me a bit euphoric after looking at myself as a woman with this filter. I love it! I know that I will become obsessed with it! I attached a pic, and yes, the hair is real, I have naturally curly hair, and have been growing it out for the past 8 years. 

 

D1E1CF53-C049-4C9C-A74F-14A92B00B94A.jpeg

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  • Forum Moderator

You look beautiful! I am glad things are progressing well.

 

Tracy

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Just now, tracy_j said:

You look beautiful! I am glad things are progressing well.

 

Tracy

Hi! Thank you!!

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Yes, you look gorgeous! 

 

I'm about where you are at with hrt, almost two months, a little fat shifting (I think) to hips and breast. Not enough to show, but it gives me confidence. Unfortunately where I live temporarily, I have to present as male. 

 

Stay lovely, keep us posted! ❤️

~Toni

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13 minutes ago, ToniTone said:

Yes, you look gorgeous! 

 

I'm about where you are at with hrt, almost two months, a little fat shifting (I think) to hips and breast. Not enough to show, but it gives me confidence. Unfortunately where I live temporarily, I have to present as male. 

 

Stay lovely, keep us posted! ❤️

~Toni

Hi! Thank you! I’ve been floating since last night after using Snapchat! My profile pic will probably change every 5 mins now ?. The T-shirt I’m wearing in the pic is a men’s shirt, but one thing it’s doing that has never happened, I see and feel changes in my boobies. It’s easier to see changes when I wear my bra and cami, and even those changes are little, but they are changes. I’ve been noticing changes in my hips when I put on my shorts, and it feels good even tho I can’t see a difference in the mirror yet. I need to start doing squats again. ? 

I'm still presenting as male, but wearing my hair down and wearing shorts helps. Soon, someday soon! I hope you have a wonderful day!

 

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You look beautiful Ellora!

 

Happy to hear your journey, and glad you are super happy!

 

Hugs

 

Janae

 

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On 5/18/2019 at 4:50 AM, Janae said:

You look beautiful Ellora!

 

Happy to hear your journey, and glad you are super happy!

 

Hugs

 

Janae

 

Hi! Thank you!! I have to thank Snapchats Gender App. It does make me want to go get  my makeup done professionally. I hear that Sephora has Trans classes for makeup. 

 

Thank you! I’m very blessed

 

=Hugs=

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Hi! This Tuesday I will be going to my first Gender Therapist appointment. My Primary would like for me to start seeing one as a formality for completing bottom surgery in the future. It’s not necessary for my Orchiectomy, but recommend for the complete works. 

Im excited to see what she has to say. I want to have a therapist I can talk to, I don’t have too many people that I can talk too about my Journey.

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Hi Ellora

 

Bottom surgery is something I have thought I would really like to do.   ..but I am scared of doctors and of course the whole idea of being in a hospital .

i really admire your courage!

 

You go girl!

 

P.S.  I look forward to reading your journey.  You have so much positive energy and it really is inspirational.

 

Janae

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1 hour ago, Janae said:

Hi Ellora

 

Bottom surgery is something I have thought I would really like to do.   ..but I am scared of doctors and of course the whole idea of being in a hospital .

i really admire your courage!

 

You go girl!

 

P.S.  I look forward to reading your journey.  You have so much positive energy and it really is inspirational.

 

Janae

Hi! Thank you!!  have given it much thought, spoken to people, doctors, therapist, done plenty of research and this has helped me build up my courage. The doctors have helped me a lot, and they have reassured me on how safe the procedure is. It also made me feel better, knowing I will be going home that day. I must also say that You and the others in Here, have helped me a lot too. The Real Stories, and experiences that are shared help me right to the core. All the great energy helps so much. I try to focus on the good, and deny the bad as well as I can. I’m realistic, but I can also choose what I will Do about it. 

So thank you too! And I will be here followings your journey as well! 

 

=Hugs=

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

Your definitely a cutie  

2 hours ago, Janae said:

 Love your smile.

Agreed!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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3 hours ago, Janae said:

Looking great Ellora !  Love your smile.

 

Hugs. ❤️

 

Janae

Thank you thank you so much Janae! 

 

=Hugs= ?

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2 minutes ago, Charlize said:

Your definitely a cutie  

Agreed!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Awww, Thank you thank you Charlize!

 

=Hugs=

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Squeeee squeee! I finally felt I could stop wearing the athletic supporter and padding, and tried on my 2nd favorite thong I have!! It feels soooooooo much better now. They fit And feel amazing! Way better than before, cause Nothing is falling out, and I’m not thinking about those things anymore.

It  feels surreal. With the exception of the one thing left, it feels like nothing is there with these thongs on! I’ve been getting teary eyed on and off all day, getting a little chocked up right now. I can fully cross my legs stand with my legs together with No problems, squeeeeee!! Sooo worth it!!! It’s everything and more ???

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  • Forum Moderator

Brilliant Ellora! I love your photos too

 

Tracy

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      When I first started figuring things out, I got a lot more euphoria. Every time a friend would use he/they pronouns for me, I'd get this bubbly feeling, and seeing myself look masculine made me really happy. Dysphoric state felt more normal, so I guess I noticed the pain it caused me less.   Now, it's more just that my pronouns and such things feel natural, and dysphoria is a lot stronger -- I know what's natural, so experiencing the opposite is more jarring than everything. The problem is, most of my natural experiences are from friends, and I rarely get properly gendered by strangers, much less by my family. I've found myself unable to bind in months due to aches, colds,, and not wanting to risk damage.    It partially makes me want to go back to the beginning of my journey, because at least then I got full euphoria. I'm pretty sure it'll be like this until I medically transition, or at the very least get top surgery (you know all those trans dudes online with tiny chests? Not me, unfortunately). It's a bit depressing, but at least I know that, eventually, there's a way out of this.
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      As for getting a button-up/formal pants suit, you can try to talk to her more -- Cis women in tuxes have worn tuxes in recent years, after all, (for example, Zendaya) so it can still be a relatively safe topic. For jumpsuits, I'd recommend going with a simple one with a blazer, if you can -- this'll make it look overall more masculine. There's a lot of good brands, but going for one without a lot of extra glitz on it will make it look less feminine under a blazer. I don't know many specific brands though since I usually just get my stuff from chain stores, sorry :<   When it comes to your hair, if you can't cut it, you can look up tutorials on fluffing it up instead. If you can pull it off, it can look a lot shorter and more androgynous instead!
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