Should I Try To Get A Gender Therapist?

[Krisvm]

I have been wondering if I should go see a specialized gender therapist?

 

Me and my wife went to a relationship therapist who was trans and we talked through how this works in our relationship. And I have a therapist for my autism issues who has worked with trans people in the past who I chat about some issues.

 

I have had trouble fully understanding what their role is. I am not currently looking at medical transition but wondering if they would be helpful for working out any questions about my identity or any other areas?

 

Would be good to know what other people have used them for and what they can be helpful for?

[DeeDee]

Hi Kris, when I first started questioning I paid for some private counselling to help me work through some of my baggage - because it was via Skype it was A LOT cheaper and was on a rolling single session basis so there was no pressure. I deliberately picked someone that had a lot of LGBTQI+ experience so I could feel safe. It helped me work through a lot of my embarrassment and shame issues and while I started presenting male, by the time I felt I was starting to just talk in circles I was presenting as Dee, which was a big deal for me.

The therapist was person centred and not solution focused though, so she reflected back what I was saying to her to help me understand myself better. It was well worth it, but now the money that I would have spent per month on sessions is going on facial hair removal because I realised that was something I could and would do regardless of what happened with my gender in future. Hope this helps  

[Krisvm]

Okay that is worth thinking about. Thank you.

Looking, there is someone who is based 5 minutes from me who says she specializes in LGBT+ issues. I have dropped an email to them to see if they have space and what they charge.

(I mean I could go through the NHS but of course that would be long waiting lists and having to talk to my GP about this, and they are pretty useless on even basic stuff)

[Astrid]

1 hour ago, Krisvm said:

Would be good to know what other people have used them for and what they can be helpful for?

 Hi, Kris!

 

Attending sessions together with my spouse has been really helpful.  For one thing, the therapist can explain things that my spouse may not be aware of, in terms of why I am the way I am -- and it's not "just me" doing the explaining.  It has also been helpful that our therapist encouraged me to share my gender thoughts at home with my wife -- she feels much less in the dark about what I'm experiencing.  Still lots of issues to work out, but on the whole gender therapy with an experienced LGBTQIA+ counselor is a real plus.

 

Astrid

[VickySGV]

If there is a chance that one could help you, by all means go to one.  It will do no harm and fi all they do is affirm your confidence in your other care team members it is money well spent.

[Carolyn Marie]

Gender therapists perform several functions, all of them important;  they help you understand yourself better; they can help you deal with underlying issues that may effect, or be effected by being trans or transitioning (these are often called co-morbidities); they can direct you to resources you might need if you ever do decide to transition; they can explain things to your S/O or family members to help them understand and accept you; and they can provide documentation you might need for medical transition, if that is desired later.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Krisvm]

I haven't heard back from them yet. I sent a followup message. How long is best to wait before assuming I have to look elsewhere?

 

 

[VickySGV]

An e-mail AND a follow-up?  Wow. that does not sound hopeful.  I would start looking elsewhere.  

[Krisvm]

I have been looking around at other people. The person I was contacting was the only person locally who had a specialism in LGBTQ+ issues. However a lot of therapists locally say they offer Gender Therapy.

Would people say it would be better if I could see someone locally who offers the service or do online sessions with someone further away who has more of a specialism?

[Krisvm]

1 hour ago, Krisvm said:

I have been looking around at other people. The person I was contacting was the only person locally who had a specialism in LGBTQ+ issues. However a lot of therapists locally say they offer Gender Therapy.

Would people say it would be better if I could see someone locally who offers the service or do online sessions with someone further away who has more of a specialism?

 

I decided to contact by online chat an organization with a specialism, they got back in 30 minutes so I feel that is definitely better.

 

So will see how this goes

[Charlize]

I spend a few hours in meetings using a service called Zoom every week.  I've found it to be a wonderful way to relate and communicate with others.  If you can find a therapist who works on that site or another comparable you can choose from therapists around the world.  The only difficulty may be dealing with time zones although i find it fun to be talking directly with someone in Australia who is more than a day ahead of us.  Pity they never have the lottery numbers. 

 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Krisvm]

Just now, Charlize said:

I spend a few hours in meetings using a service called Zoom every week.  I've found it to be a wonderful way to relate and communicate with others.  If you can find a therapist who works on that site or another comparable you can choose from therapists around the world.  The only difficulty may be dealing with time zones although i find it fun to be talking directly with someone in Australia who is more than a day ahead of us.  Pity they never have the lottery numbers. 

 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

We are indeed going to be using Zoom ?

[Krisvm]

So our first session on Zoom seemed good. Going to start weekly sessions, first online then go and see them in person. 

Any advice people have at all? 

[Natasha]

I'll take the note, as where I live there doesn't seem to be specialized therapists. Thanks for sharing!

[TommieAnne]

I'd like to chime in with a "yes" to seeing a gender therapist.

Over the years therapy has ranged from useless to indifferent for me. Until I finally found a gender therapist, finally finally got to actually address my problems, my doubts, my feelings & make a path forward.

This has made a huge difference for me, even though a few previous therapists were LGBT+ friendly/supportive.

[Krisvm]

Thank you. So far it has been going well although all preliminary chat.

[Krisvm]

Next week we are going to try going for a walk around a park together with me presenting fully feminine. It will be interesting to do and will look forward to it.

[Jani]

Great.  Just remember not to overdo it.  Take a look around and notice how other women are dressed and try to mimic them.  Enjoy.

[Krisvm]

Okay thanks good advice

[Krisvm]

So it went well. I dressed professionally and that matched most of the women around me.

It was also very calming and had a lot of good chats about body language, pronouns, family and possible genders. 

Going to do the same thing next week. 

[Charlize]

I'm glad it went well for you!  Each time we have that chance to be ourselves in public it becomes easier.  Enjoy.

As folks say......."It's a walk in the park."

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Very good.  I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.  More fun coming!

 

Cheers,

Jani