Too big to transition

[DawnD]

Growing up pre internet I struggled with my feelings of wanting to be female. I tried to just "be male". Got married, etc. But it was never right. Now I am single, 40, and taking a good hard look at transitioning. Unfortunately puberty was not gentle. I am 6'4" tall 350 lbs. Built like a linebacker. I wear size 15 shoes and am completely bald. I don't think even with all the medical intervention in the world I will ever be passable. High heel are definitely out (when I can find them in my size) of the question as I hit my head on door frames, which is a shame cause I love shoes. Am I wrong, is there hope for me to be passable? Any picture before and after examples from people who have experienced similar questions would be appreciated.

 

Dawn

[Cyndee]

Welcome Dawn to Trans Pulse forums, and thanks for your intro post. Women come in all shapes and sizes btw, at 350 lbs you might consider dropping that number a bit @ 6' 4", probably would help ya. The whole concept of passing IMHO is over rated, I know transwomen that are gorgeous at 6' 8", and they are women, no question. "Passing" implies you've created an illusion and relies on other's perceptions, why not simply be comfortable with yourself ? There are countless discussions on this concept if you really want to involve yourself in such. This journey is really a personal one, and finding your comfort zone. 

 

Have a look around our forums and join in the conversations dear...

 

I hope you have a wonderful day....

 

Cyndee -

[Ellora]

Hi! And Welcome! I have large feet too, and I wish I had smaller feet, cause I love pretty shoes, and I would love to comfortable heels or any lady shoes for that matter. So I found my happiness through sandals and flip flops. I had a dad belly, so I changed my diet a little, bit, and over time and a flu or two , was able to get my weight down. It took time, just like anything that’s worth it, but now my weight is more manageable.

Now I can wear the tops I wanted to wear, and soon I can buy some bras I’ve had an eye on. I’m 53, and my face shows my age, so in the meantime I’ve been enjoying makeup, and Snapchat filters! Omg, if you have a smartphone, I recommend that you try the Snapchat app, AND try its Gender filter! It blew my mind! It gave me hope, and something to look forward to in the future of possibilities. Now that I’m taking HRT Lady Meds, I know my face will soften, and weight distribution will give me more feminine features. Since I am older, I know there are limitations , but that doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy the crap out of being me, being a woman at 53! Finally! 

@Cyndee gave you some wonderful advice, (as will the rest of the TransPulse family will too), find your comfort zone, it is your journey, so find You, and be the woman you are, for you, not others. 

This is a Journey, and like life, it has its ups and downs, and now you have the opportunity to be on your own Journey, so Enjoy it! Baby steps and all. 

If you don’t have a gender therapist, and you are able to go to one, I recommend it. A therapist can help you, us, me, talk about how you feel, maybe they can help you with your dysphoria. It has helped me, and many others in here and out there. 

I hope you will find peace, and enjoy who You are! ?

[DawnD]

Thank you lady's, I am so envious of you both in your transition. On one hand I look down at my body with its maleness and it disgusts me. I feel like I am trapped in my body. I ache to be free of it and the appendage hanging between my legs. It is probably one of the things that doomed my marriage. Sex was always so unnatuaral feeling. On the other hand I am terrified.......I am not sure if it's the social norms, or risk to job and friends. But a large part of me want to stay it the shadows just crisscrossing in private. I don't know what to do. I have gotten this far telling myself I will never pass and would live out my days alone. It's probably why I am fat from emotional eating. Thanks for the encouragement, I'll have to try Snapchat.

 

Love,

 

Dawn

[Jani]

Hello Dawn.  You are certainly not too large to transition.  Size doesn't matter, only how you feel.  You can live out your life being you and this is what is important.  You don't have to be out publicly, but you can be honest with yourself and enjoy your life.  You can underdress, get your ears pierced, and/or start to wear jewelry.  Do what makes you feel comfortable. 

 

As to wearing heals, they are overrated.  I am 5' 12" and rarely wear heels but when I do they are only a 1.5" kitten heels.  Once I transitioned I found I didn't need heals to feel feminine.  Look around, not many women wear heels as everyday wear.       

 

Cheers, Jani

[VickySGV]

Just now, DawnD said:

It's probably why I am fat from emotional eating.

 

If you really think that is an issue, it gives you a starting point for some new life.  My youngest child turns 40 in two months BTW and I was 31 when she was born so you can guess how old I am.  A therapist and a good recovery program can help with the emotional over-eating problems, and can get you going on the gender issues which are most likely all intertwined.  Please drop the idea of "Passing" it hurts much more than it helps.  I don't pass, I am many pounds over my "ideal" weight for my 6' height as well. I just live as MYSELF and have for 10 years with only a few minor problems from those in the Trans community who make "Passing" an overblown and unreachable standard for themselves and others.  The only other source of annoyance is those "male" idiots who hold women in general to their sex starved unrealistic standards.  I go out as I am, meet and talk and generally fit in with people on the whole.  I have found a "chosen family" in the Trans community and it is wonderful. 

[Ellora]

@DawnD I understand about emotional eating for sure, and a big thing that helped me was to increase healthier foods into my day. I bought a lot of fruit and vegetables, and drink water with everything i ate. I peed a lot at first, and felt bloated, but after a while it gets better cause the body can process water better that snacks.  I dont deny myself snacks, or deserts, I just use a different approach. I didnt go cold turkey, this has been a long process. I went in knowing, it took mew a while to gain, it will take me a while to lose weight. 

Go at your own pace, inside the house and outside the house. Talking about this is very good, it will help. There are many people here that have a great amount of experience and we want to share our love with you. 

 

??

[Kirsten]

2 hours ago, Jani said:

 I am 5' 12" 

Lol. I used to be almost 5’ 13”. Now I’m only 5’ 11-1/2” ?

 

There is no such thing as too big. One of my besties is a 6-3” trans woman. She passes as well as I do too. Not that that even matters. Transition is about finding yourself. Being proud of who you are. Loving yourself even with your flaws and problem areas. Learning how to accept who you are. 

 

There may not be a million women as tall as you in one place. But there’s plenty of tall girls for sure. And hey maybe you’ll shrink a little like I did. 

 

Weight is an issue for everyone. But it can be reversed. I was 250 and now I’m mid 170s. Time. Patience. Commitment. Consistency. That’s what you need for that. 

 

Also I was darn near bald myself. Finestaride, hormones, biotin, daily vitamins, rogaine, and healthy living have given me a really good jump on fixing that. And there’s more options out there like laser caps and hair transplants. I am confident I’ll get it back. But if not there’s always caps and wigs which can be even better than natural hair. 

 

Im sure I can give you an option for most any fear. But ultimately you need to decide for yourself what is right for you. Don’t let fear run your life. It’s had its turn. Now it’s yours!! 

 

I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. Welcome to our little corner of the world. 

Kirsten 

[Janae]

Welcome Dawn. 

 

How you think the world sees you has a lot to do with how you see yourself.  For me, at one time, I was fixated on what I perceived my exterior needed to look like.  But once it became more clear to me as to who I am, the less I worried about physical appearance.  When I come out of the shower, I do a quick tuck, and what I see staring back at me is a beautiful women.  

This is a great forum, and there are a lot of women here that I admire for their confidence, and that have given me strength.

Feel good about yourself and project that outward confidence of a strong woman; the world can’t help but look at you the same way as you do yourself.  

 

Janae

[Amberlea]

Hello Dawn, and welcome!

The others ladies advice I couldn't hope to improve on. For me it's not so much about passing, but giving the world a very clear indication of how you want to be perceived. I'm 52, 6'1 and wear size 11 shoes. As you can see I'm no beauty either lol.

The thing is people make up their mind about your gender in a split second and that is what sticks. so you have a split second to convince them! When in public I get treated as a woman, (I have developed an acceptable woman's voice) even though I'm sure no one who gives me a second look will think I am! Get them on that first glance!  I have only been out in public as woman for a couple of months, but I'm just loving it. Prior to that I was gender fluid, I had a full beard, and even dressed to the nines as a woman, it was always sir...It's that first glance....

Most of all, just enjoy your true self, baby steps, take your time....

[DawnD]

Thank you all for the wisdom, love, and support .... this is a great place.. I am not sure what the future holds, whether I come out or stay in the shadows. At least for now I can dress at home freely now, and I have been able to move to wearing panties nearly 24/7, except those rare times where the risk of being caught is too high. It's funny this is an interesting stage I read how women can't wait to take their bras off when hey get home, and here I can't wait to put one on at the end of the day. Of course if I transition and have to wear one my relationship might change once the novelty wears off. Thanks again, I feel a lot better

I do wish there was a proceadure that reduced the size of your feet. I can get by with my current size but at women's size 15, shoes are hard to find. And I love shoes...... of types. I am a sucker for them and would probable have a huge collection if i were in the normal size range. Oh well... Thanks again.

 

Love

 

Dawn