Dysphoria

[Raven1981]

Wanted to share that my dysphoria is still there about my birth defect and if anyone remembers and has read my previous post I have hated my birth defect.  I was remembering last night about myself being in grade school and how I was out with my mom when she was talking to friends and I remember reaching into my pants and pushing down and trying to hide and get rid of my birth defect in public.  And then I remember one of my mom's friends saying oh dont worry, he will grow out of it, it's just a phase.  Well growing up, I have always tried to hide myself, push it down, tape it down, try to get it out of the way, and it was always met with, it's a phase.

 

Well my dysphoria is still there about my birth defect and I so love to just get rid of it still.  but while I am on the wait with with Dr. Bowers, I have been doing things to get my mind off of it to keep me busy, and so far it has and have not really thought of it, till I need to go to the restroom and I am just tired to having to hold it down while peeing.  It's just annoying while I pee.  But I have been doing things to try to keep my mind off of it.

 

[Maid In Bedlam]

Thats a shame this is back Amy. You was doing so well to.

 

I was under the impression you had so many nice other parts of you body that were drawing us all away from this.

 

On 6/2/2019 at 11:18 PM, Amy LeBlanc said:

Just had a baby trim on my hair to keep it healthy. Got the ends trimmed up a small amount and found out that if I would to straighten my hair. My hair is at the length is the base of my neck and it half way covers my ears. But thanks to how curly and thick my hair is. My hair is growing in tight curls and making my hair look short when it is actually long. But I dont want to use heat on my hair. I want to keep on taking care of it to get it long.  But loved the baby trim to keep it healthy and I am doing everything right on my hair.

A Good  thing?

 

On 1/6/2019 at 8:01 PM, Amy LeBlanc said:

I just have to share that one of the best things I love about having breast now is that it is a grate place to hold my cell phone.  

 

The downside is that I have to stay away from edges cause I have hit myself on desk edges and it hurts.

 

What's everyone else story on their breast development?

Another good thing?

 

On 5/28/2019 at 4:10 PM, Amy LeBlanc said:

Been in contact with my insurance and figuring out what they will cover and how much they will cover and my insurance with Cigna will cover the Gender Reassignment Surgery fully for me minus my deductible where if I go in-network it will be 2500 and if out of network then it is 13000.  So That is one reason why I want to make sure to have a doctor that takes my insurance and I have the packet that tells me the requirements that my insurance requires for bottom surgery.  But I am happy that I will be able to have my insurance cover my bottom surgery.

 

 

 

 

This is fantastic. You got it covered .

 

On 5/26/2019 at 6:27 PM, Amy LeBlanc said:

 I was having growing pains is that I have notice my body really changed and is showing very feminine. The obvious is my breast, and then I have a curved figure and my hips popped out along with my butt filled out and got rounder and firmer. There is still parts of my body that I do not like, but I am super happy with how noticeable I look.  They are right that on the second year and third year being on hormones that your body changes really take off on hormones.  I am so happy with how I am looking and feeling till I see my birth defect,  When I see my birth defect, bad thought come back into my head and just wanting it gone.  But the rest of my body, I am in heaven with and love how I am looking and feeling

Saved the best till last.

 

 

You really should focus on all these postives.

 

I have send it before and i will say it again. Do not let what sits between your legs define you.

You are Amy. You are

 

In the lyrics of a famous  song

 

Man, they said we better, accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Raven1981]

Thank You @Maid In Bedlam  I am trying to not let it bother me.  I have been keeping busy, to keep my mind off of it.  I have just refinished my coffee table.  I have another project to do.  As long as I keep myself busy, I have notice that it is not bothering me.  But it's just trying to keep busy.

[Raven1981]

So today, I was feeling happy and glad to be myself and even looking forward to using my second sewing machine to start in on making my costume for Halloween for the party that my support group puts on till I read a friends post and now I am feeling very sad.

 

I am feeling sad, pathetic, and that no one wants me.  I am almost 40 years old and have never ever been on a date or been with someone and I feel like that I will never find love and that no one wants to be with me cause all they see when they see me is a -dimwit- geek girl that no one wants to be around.  I have been trying to find someone and been going out and looking, but feel like that no one wants to be with me.

 

So thanks to a friends post, I am not feeling super down and sad and pathetic.

[Maid In Bedlam]

Its a pleasure Amy. glad to be able to give you something to hold on to.

 

As far as dates and relationships  are concerned whatever your sexual preference.  sometimes I do believe you are better on your own.

I got lucky. I have a wonderful partner. But even now sometimes i do wonder what it would have been like without commitment.  Its very natual to explore the what ifs. The only two sure things in this world is Your born and sometime after that you go. Be thankful for what you have as the grass does sometimes seem greener on the other side of the fence but it is not always so. As I have also been in some really bad relationships to.

 

But if you do really want. Just hang on in there.  Love could be just around the corner. Cupid is a sly little cherup and will catch you when your least expecting it.

[Raven1981]

So dysphoria is rearing it's ugly head on me and I am hating it.  I am having thoughts on wanting to take a knife and just cut it off.  I hate my birth defect and want it gone.  I am not feeling like a woman with this thing and I am just ready to say good bye to it.  Just want it gone.  Ready to cut off my birth defect myself 

[Lexi C]

Hey Amy. Mary Mary is right..You will need that part later. It. Sucks...IT ALL SUCKS,, that we where born this why...Kinda like God is playing a joke on us...But my GT keeps tell me that we are no diff, that I am no diff and it will  take time. But Dam every time I wear my skinny jeans and I look down and see it there ..I just want to die..I keep telling my self.."Everything will always be worse until its not ." I need to not make it worse..Stay focus...your on the list so you need to hold on. Be Proud, Stay Strong and Kick Ass

[Kirsten]

Yeah Amy. You need to love all of you. Defects and all. Everyone has parts of themselves that they don’t like. That’s yours. Don’t let a small thing run your life. It’s still a long time till surgery and you’ll need to work on some coping skills for when this comes up for you. I wish I had some ideas of how, but besides knowing it’s actually your lady part (because it is), I don’t really know. That’s how I cope and have for a long time. 

Hopefully someone here will have a better idea for ya hun. ??????