Life is getting harder

[Hellothere]

Well of course it is, life wasent made to be easy. Especially for me. Genetically, i have a chance of beig screwed physically and mentally. Doesnt help i dont know who i am. Mentally or physically. Looking in mirror is harder. Remembering i have breasts and not male genitalia brings the ache back. The ache in my chest from everything is sometimes not as bad as the mental want to hide in a corner. To be honest, both are getting worse. I dont have a therapist and quoting slightly, "a lot of my clients that are not cis are or realized around 19-25 so youll start understanding then" i want to accept that and continue like i do with a lot of things but sometimes i dont think that day will come. She also doesnt know the full ache of everything. Im bad at opening up, one session she asked if i wanted to talk about anything specific. I responded with "i guess what im here for" her reply "ok wanna talk?" "I want to but i cant." Its scary sometimes.

im sorry for the rant

i dont even know if there is an answer to give or advice to give

i dont know why im typing this

i just feel alone i guess

sorry

[Hellothere]

Thank you. So much. This made me smile. Thank you for putting a spin on a negative and making it positive. 

[Jani]

Hi, Its ok to rant.  We're hear to listen.  I'm not sure your therapist is giving you the value you should be seeing out of meetings.  Just my thought from what you wrote.  I don't know how available Gender therapists are in your locality.  

 

I agree with Mary about opening up.  It doesn't always come naturally.  You need to be comfortable enough to do so.  That's how guys are.  

 

Please don't feel sorry.  You're not alone.

Jani 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi,

 

I know you're feeling alone right now, but you're not alone. Everyone here knows the pain of seeing the wrong body parts in the mirror. You're in good company here. We are here, and we care. Sometimes that can mean more to us than any advice.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Robin]

There are some memories and emotions that can be difficult to admit to oneself, let alone telling other people.  Although facing up to these thoughts can be painful, doing so can be extremely liberating. 

 

Many issues that appear insurmountable can be overcome just by looking at things from a different perspective.  That may not sound very helpful, as it does not solve problems as such, but on many occasions people are focussing on the wrong problem.  For example, I spent many years worrying that I didn't appear sufficiently macho, when the real problem was that I felt that it was unacceptable for me to feel feminine.

 

When you develop a clear and honest view of who you are, it will be much easier to see where you fit into the world.

 

Robin.

[Charlize]

I remember when the pain of staying hidden got too much and i somehow found openness and honesty here, my therapist and overtime with the world.  Don't feel badly.  I was 63 when i went full time.  Also please don't beat yourself because your not out!  It isn't easy for any of us and it's just a part of being ourselves.  Letting go of the security of the closet can be a difficult process.  Perhaps a bit like giving birth.  And like birth easier if we think of the beauty than the pain.

Remember you're not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Ellora]

Nothing Worth Having Come Easy.” As if we were Butterflies in a cocoon, feeling trapped inside our old selves. The struggling to get Out, Until we can spread Our wings. Knowing the danger that awaits, but nature calls, so we can soar above and beyond. 

You are not alone, and we are all here to help you soar. 

[Sabine]

First, all of us who identify as transgender are likely to be highly empathetic, feeling alone and unable to articulate our thoughts to non-trans people is super common. You are (really) not alone!

However, being male brained, as others have pointed out, men have a tendancy to think they should be able to handle everything by themselves, and have a super hard time opening up sometimes. (So ... yeah, you!). But, I have an idea that may work. Start writing down (like a journal) everything you are feeling and thinking, go deep, and then try to read through what you have written before a therapy session, so you have a clearer idea of what to maybe say, or at least a way to start a conversation with your therapist. Hope this helps.

Sabine.