Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dysphoria


Raven1981

Recommended Posts

So I am having some super dysphoria happing right now.  I just started having thoughts of wishing that I was a little girl.  I am having thoughts of everything I missed cause I was not a little girl.  I am hating these thoughts.  I just want to die cause the never got to do the activities that the little girls get to do.  I just want to die.  Why can't I do some of the stuff or learn the stuff that little girls get to do?

Link to comment

I don't want to try and make light of the situation, so please call the helpline. Your beautiful life and soul matters so much in the grand scheme, no matter which path you are on or where you find yourself. There are people who love you and will miss you, and I for one am going to keep wondering where you are if I never hear from you. You've made it this far, so just make it a little farther! It's never too late to learn! Never! You've got to console yourself with that fact and do what you can, imo– Make a list of girly things you're dying to learn, join a group, just do what it takes to get yourself back on your feet again! People experience dysphoria in so many different ways, and I'm confident you can and WILL find how to combat it again and again and again

https://www.translifeline.org/ 

Link to comment

Raven please explain to me what u mean bye " I never get to do stuff a little girl dose". If your talking about ; you wish you could be smoke hot teenage, I have notice for you ..anyone over 40 male or female or whatever wishs that...It's a long process....Be happy you strong enough and have the courage  to begin it. You will never be a little girl neither will I. -crap- happens..But  now (I am 55) we have a chance to be the best woman we can be. and everyday it gets better because everyday we get better via growth, experience and so on..So congrats on yr courage. Don't forget we are finally living our dreams..much lv Here if u need to talk

Link to comment

Just a few things that have popped in my head would be taking girl's gymnastics.  I am too tall and too old now for gymnastics.  Wanting a American Girl Doll.  Learning how to be a girl when I am little so when I grow up to be a woman, I am all nice and girly and proper.  These are just a few things that I have had enter my mind that is making me hate myself and wanting to die now cause I never got to do anything like this when I was little.  Now that I am 38, I feel too old to do some of the stuff that I want to do

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Raven i hope you are seeing a therapist.  I know i had similar regrets.  I remember the few times when i was able to play girl games as being special.  Unfortunately like you i couldn't enjoy those times as much as i might like.  My therapist helped as has the chance to live as myself now.  Letting go of that past and enjoying today can be difficult and we often need help.  Please know that with help you can step away from those feelings.  As a 38 year old person you are dealing with issues i didn't confront before my 60's.  It does seem possible to have peace with myself but i need help at times.  Hopefully posting here does help.  Remember the chatrooms are there for support and hotlines if needed!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
Just now, Charlize said:

Raven i hope you are seeing a therapist.  

 

I am going to see my therapist when I get back to PHX from VA.

Link to comment

Hey Raven Charlize is right about the pass, But that should not stop you for doing the things you want. instead of gymnastics join a make over class where you can learn about how to apply it , it will help you feel more fem as well. As for the Doll store..Why can't you enjoy that..it actually sound pretty cool....there is no law that sez you can do inside ..Like Charlize I did not get right until my mid 50, but f.. that I am trying to enjoy every day now...its take a minute ( for me 2yrs of G.T and 6months and kick on HRT) and it will tough at times..but be you enjoy yourself ..DON'T FORGET YOUR HUMAN JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. much lv keep me post it

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

I am just having some major super dysphoria and wish that I was dead.  I just want to die cause of how my T spiked up and now I dont feel like myself and I dont feel pretty.  I just want to die

Link to comment
37 minutes ago, Raven1981 said:

I am just having some major super dysphoria and wish that I was dead.  I just want to die cause of how my T spiked up and now I dont feel like myself and I dont feel pretty.  I just want to die

Pleeeeease don’t be discouraged! Please call someone, call a hotline if you must! We all care about you and we want you to feel better!

Did your doctor offer you any reason(s) for the spike? Or ways to counter the spike? 

Is the way you are injecting the HRT possibly affecting the way it gets into your body?

Having an Orchiectomy would stop the T. 

Please call someone! I hope you feel better really soon! I care, we care!!!

Link to comment

@Raven1981 there is always hope, please call someone. This is a Journey, with its ups and downs. Turn this down, into an up! Don’t give up, be strong and tell the T to knock it off and get out. Meditate, think of all the happy times, from the very beginning of your journey, and after, tell your mind and body what needs to happen. Tell the T to knock it off, step aside cause the E is here to stay. Stay strong! 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Ravin please don't hesitate to go to the chatrooms here where there are folks who can talk in real time.  You might also want to call The Trans Lifeline at 877 565 8860.

Sometimes we need help so please do reach out.  What you are going through will pass but please don't think that getting help is a weakness.  I know i'm happy and alive because i reached out.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Ellora said:

Pleeeeease don’t be discouraged! Please call someone, call a hotline if you must! We all care about you and we want you to feel better!

Did your doctor offer you any reason(s) for the spike? Or ways to counter the spike? 

Is the way you are injecting the HRT possibly affecting the way it gets into your body?

Having an Orchiectomy would stop the T. 

Please call someone! I hope you feel better really soon! I care, we care!!!

My Emdo thinks that when I switched compounding pharmacy that the new compounding pharmacy uses a different ingredient and does not do a quality check.  We are moving me back to the previous compounding pharmacy.  Sure it's an hour drive for me vers. 30min.  But the previous compounding pharmacy had my E around the 300's

 

I have always been injecting in my thing alternating between legs in the location that I was taught.

 

I have already had a partial Orchiectomy back in 2008 from when I had Testicular cancer.  So that was already done and my incession is actually in the location on my pelvis cause the urologist I went to in California misdiganosed it as a hernia but since the testicular grew so large in the shape of a gord, they were able to pull out the testicular out the incession on my pelvis.

 

I currently have an appt. with my therapist on Monday.  But I hope that I can make it.  But I hate myself still and I still dont feel like me and dont feel pretty

Link to comment
Just now, Raven1981 said:

the previous compounding pharmacy had my E around the 300's

Then there is hope! Now that you will be switching back to your other pharmacy, you can regain your E numbers! 

You mentioned partial, can your Doctor complete the Orchiectomy? So you won’t have anymore T in your system? 

Hate the game, not the player, you are making corrections on something that wasn’t your fault. Then take the hate, stare it in the face and virtually throw it in the trash. You got this! 

 

Link to comment

Hey Amy. I know this is hard..freaky it sucks. I too have falling into that trap...the hotline will work, but if your really on that crossroads then get yrself in a 72hrs hold...It will be hard at first, properly the worse thing you will ever do, but it aloud me to think -crap- out, got me on Medicare which got me to where I am today..I still have the dy, I still have the panic attacks but I take my breaths, count from a 100 backwards like I was taught and re group...Your a pretty special person and your journey  and courage has always help me out. You have mine em if you want to reach out. Be Strong, Be proud and kick ass

Link to comment

Thinking on dressing up as Raven from my Cosplay.  For whatever reason, when I am Raven from the original Teen Titans.  I always feel so much better.

Link to comment

Sorry for the late reply been super busy at work. that great always good to find a release valve..keep posting..

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 136 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • VickySGV
    • RaineOnYourParade
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,031
    • Most Online
      8,356

    jacobb
    Newest Member
    jacobb
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adele Svetova
      Adele Svetova
      (25 years old)
    2. BROOKSGLASS
      BROOKSGLASS
      (34 years old)
    3. FinnyFinsterHH
      FinnyFinsterHH
      (16 years old)
    4. fool4luv
      fool4luv
      (26 years old)
    5. itsaddison
      itsaddison
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      In the forward I learn that transgenderism is bad, and somewhere else that transgender ideology is bad.  I have not yet read a definition of either in the document.  I assume they are the same.  I know Focus on a Family has a definition of transgenderism on their website, or did, but I am not sure this is the same as that.  I might agree that transgenderism is bad if they use a definition I condemn (e.g. transgenderism means you always pour ketchup in your shoes before you put them on - I could not agree to that).  Is someone who believes in transgenderism, whatever it is, a transgenderist? I never see that term.  There may be other definitions out there, but I don't think there is an Official Definition that we all agree to.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Crazy fact, was gonna go to the school where this went down at before I moved, have a lot of friends there. I know at least one of my friends met the guy on one occasion, not knowing who it was.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      They are thinking of Loudon.  The problem there was the girls were not protected from a known predator, who was moved from one school to another instead being effectively disciplined.  Outlaw school administrators? <sarc>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      How ironic.  I agree with the governor "“You cannot change your gender; you cannot pick your gender…there is a confused group of people that somehow think you can,”    - we are what we are, we are fighting the fact we CANNOT change our gender, which we did not pick.  Many if not all of us would not have picked a trans condition and have sought to evade, deny or move out or resolve it anyway we can.  Those who are confused on this issue are not trans folk.  They want us to change our gender but they deny we can.  Confusion.  
    • Vidanjali
      @FinnyFinsterHH no one can satisfy your questions about what will the future hold. But I can advise you to slow your mind down as much as you're able. Take it slow and one moment at a time. This advice goes beyond the practical reality that that's truly all you can do - further, try to enjoy each moment. It's clear you have a lot of aspirations regarding transition. But it's best to try to accept the bounds of your life circumstances at present because if you develop worries or even resentments about them, that will only make you bitter and more anxious. Instead, try to focus on anything you find affirming. Practice positive self-talk and give yourself affirmations too. Try to let go of expectations of your family members - they can only deal with change to the capacity they're able due to their own life conditions. Allow them grace as you wish they would allow you. Practice patience.   Try this exercise - read through your post and make one list of the positive developments and another of things you cannot control (including the future). If you have a sense of spirituality, offer the second list as a sacrifice to however you understand a higher power - leave it in their hands. If you're not spiritual, then offer it up to hope. Then throw that list away. Keep the list of positives and leave some room on it because guaranteed you'll have more and more to add. Look forward to that, but don't let your mind think it can rush things. Try to enjoy the ride. 
    • Vidanjali
      Happy birthday, Sam! Lotsa love!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I still have not read much of this.  Very little of this document pertains to trans folk.  Some of the statements are more than problematic concerning trans folk.   It certainly was not written just to get us.   " those with gender dysphoria should be expelled from military service."  and "Reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military. Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service,"  https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-04.pdf are two lines out of hundreds if not thousands regarding the Department of Defense, targeting trans folk in an almost off-hand manner.    So if a fighter pilot, say, or a ship's captain, highly experienced and trained at enormous expense, is determined to be transgender (method unknown) the US loses someone badly needed due to the personnel shortage who is ready, willing and able to perform their duties.  Many trans folk have served well and transitioned later.  I don't think this point is well thought out.    A number of policy recommendations I would disagree with.  I am not sure there is a method to discuss those with the authors; I am attempting to find out.  I have good conservative creds.    They are fully intending to implement this, regardless of who the president is, as long as that president is conservative. It is not Trump centered.  I don't think he had anything to do with it. 
    • April Marie
      I wear a Delimira Mastectomy sleep bra with Vollence sleep rated breast forms. The form fit inside pockets so they don't touch your skin. I bought the bras on Amazon and found the forms on eBay. They were much less expensive than buying through the other sources. 
    • Ashley0616
      I wore an olive corduroy coverall dress with a navy blue shirt underneath. 
    • Ashley0616
      @LittleSamCongratulations on one of the biggest decisions. Looking forward to your progress. 
    • Ivy
      I don't wear a bra to bed.  The girls aren't big enough to need it, but still enough to appreciate.  Just a flannel nightgown suits me fine.
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I'm here quite often if you need me. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ivy
      Yeah, that is the point.  And of course they can be proud of themselves for saving humanity.   Yeah.  That would be scary.  I'd find a bush somewhere like our GOP governor candidate recommends.  So far I've gotten away with the women's.  I've been told I pass better than I realize.  But it would only take one a55h0le.   This is all so stupid.  I mean, who gets off on hanging out in a bathroom?
    • Ashley0616
      Oh yes. It was not fun cleaning it up but he is better.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...